I am 29 years old, I have 5 children ranging from 6 months to 8 years. I stay home with them every day. My husband works to support our family. I take care of all the household chores, with the exception of asking hubby to occasionally change a diaper, fill the dog water bowl or take out the kitchen trash. However we now have had a huge disagreement that is threatening to our marriage. I feel he should mow the lawn, where as he thinks I should add it to my chores, at least part of the time. I tried to explain that breastfeeding the baby, and caring for my other responsibilites makes that impossible for me, but he won't listen. Am I wrong to simply expect him to do this? I have also suggested that we hire someone. He won't have that either.What now??
2007-08-17 12:52:16 · 31 answers · asked by Renée G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont think thats unreasonable. Alot of people think stay at home mom = watch tv all day, when in reality you have a lot of cleaning to do, not to mention, taking care of 5 children. I think he's being unreasonable if he freaks out because you ask him to do ONE thing. If you went out and got a 9-5 job then your job would end at the end of your work day, much like your husbands...but since youre a stay at home mom, your job never ends.
I know a lot of stay at home moms who work way harder than their husbands, and their husbands act like they bust their butts and their wives do nothing, therefore anything that needs to be done around the house, is left up to their wives to do. Hopefully that isnt the kind of husband you have, but if it is then I'd just let the lawn go if I were you. It'd take him MAYBE 2 hours, not even once a week, to chip in and help. That isnt asking too much, at all.
2007-08-17 12:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by Dani 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being unreasonable to ask for help, but I think the problem is that you just expected him to do it. Some men, like my husband, feel that the yard is their responsability, but others consider it just another chore. I think if you sit down with your husband and explain how hard it would be to mow the grass and keep an eye on your young children then maybe he would understand more. What about taking turns. You can do it when he comes home after work everyother week and he'll do it everyother week also. I would look into a lawn service. We have one and it's about $25 a wk. It is VERY nice and worth EVERY penny! I guess the real question is why is this threatning your marriage? This is a pretty minor thing.........I don't mean to pry and assume, but is there something else going on? Maybe he feels preesure to work more or just the pressure of being the primary out of house worker. Maybe you are feeling that he dosen't appreciate what you do. I would talk about why you are both so passionate abouth THIS. Good Luck
2007-08-17 22:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
WOW! I'm just amazed you have time to do all the other stuff after tending to 5 very active children! I have a time just keeping up with my house work and a part time job! Much less having to deal with 5 children!
Granted I don't have children, but this is how we do it at my house. I take care of all the inside stuff. Laundry, house cleaning, groceries, cooking, dishes, all that. If he helps fine. That's okay with me.
Now as far as the Outside of the house and the Car.... Well that's for him to do. It's a mans job. If I want to help him out if I have time, then I do and that's okay with him. But those are just extremely physical jobs that with all the other responsibilities you have including your kids, you shouldn't have to do that.
Besides, who would watch the kids while you would do this? If the mowers on you couldn't hear if something happens to one of the children and if he's home to watch them, then WHY would he expect you to do the grass in the first place. Dag!!!!!!
So what he has a full time job. SO DO YOU. Except he gets to clock out at the end of the day and go home, you don't have that option. You will always have someone needing to be tended to, someone to always have a problem that just can't be fixed by anyone else except MOM and there's NO time card you can use to check out of at the end of your shift. Your shift never ends, Plus you have all the other duties of a house wife.
I really think that he's being selfish. If nothing else tell him you're already so tired now, but if he "makes" you do this chore that is HIS responsiblity, then he will only be putting more work on you that will tire you out even more. Which means, there will be nothing left to give him at the end of the day.
And if you ain't got the energy, guess who will suffer in the long run, not only throughout the day, because you will resent him, but also in the bedroom when you're too tired to give him any :>)
Best of luck to you and I do hope he will understand what you already do is a load of work all by its self and that you need him to take the role of being a man and help do the "mans" work. You can't be a woman and a man. Let him.
OR if he doesn't like that, then just don't cut the grass and when he gets tired of seeing it, he'll cut it. If not it wouldn't get done.
Either way, Good Luck. You sound Terrific!
2007-08-17 20:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by mel 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's lazy.
I too am a stay at home mom with 4 kids. I do everything from household chores, Dr. visits, preparing and cleaning up after all meals along with cleaning out the garage, washing cars, laundry and everything else in between.
HOWEVER, my husband will mow the lawn. He won't weed, or dead head any of our plants, but he does mow the lawn. He works 60+ hours a week and to me, his job doesn't end when he walks in the door.
Women take care of the inside, kids and all - Men should mow the lawn. How lazy is this guy? Especially if you are nursing.
Put your foot down and explain to him that you appreciate that he goes to work so that you can stay home. But that doesn't mean everything that has to do with keeping up your house inside and out falls on your shoulders. It's Impossible.
Talk to his mother. Or was she part of the problem he has this attitude?
Tell him if he's not willing to hire a neighborhood kid $20 a week to mow the lawn, then it won't get done. Plain and simple.
Not mowing the lawn shouldn't be cause for you to end your marriage. But it shouldn't be your responsibility. Tell him to grow up!
2007-08-17 20:13:03 · answer #4 · answered by jt 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not being unreasonable at all.. he is. You have 5 children that you are caring for all day long, along with keeping the house up.. yet he expects you to go out and mow the lawn as well? That's just crazy! Don't misunderstand me.. mowing isn't just a "man" job, but given the situation, it makes a lot more sense for him to be the one to take care of it, than expect you to.
I'm sorry that it has become such an issue that it's threatening your marriage.. That's terrible. You two need to have a serious talk about it, and really work out something you can both be okay with.. even if it's just alternating between the two of you.
2007-08-18 13:44:43 · answer #5 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, the one argument I have is that it is DANGEROUS to have children anywhere near the lawn mower while it is in use. So, where exactly would the children be when you would squeeze out the time to mow the lawn?
I have to agree with some others who have said that there may be other issues than just the lawn.
How about a compromise? Is there a neighborhood kid who could do it? Or a lawn service that could come every other week?
You're busy...you do a lot...it would be a danger to your children to have them around while you mow, besides, you have much more important responsibilities...taking care of the children!!
Good luck & best wishes
2007-08-17 20:07:52 · answer #6 · answered by seaelen 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your're not being unreasonable. I do wonder how that conversation could arrive at the "marriage threatening stage" though. That is very serious.
I am a stay at home mom, and yes I mow the lawn about half the time at least. Its not unreasonable to ask a hard working guy to do more around the house, but also realize that some men just do not have it in them; ie. they give all their energies to their work.
I'd suggest seeing a counselor asap if it has reached that stage of frustration
2007-08-17 20:28:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being unreasonable. I have a six month old son and if I was still breastfeeding him it would be impossible. Even with him on the bottle now it is hard. I just go out and help if I get a chance, but that is where a husband should step in and say, "Honey, you do so much all day long, I will cut the grass." Tell him to stay home sometime and try to do everything you do and see if he even has the energy to do all of that much less cut the grass.
2007-08-17 20:26:05 · answer #8 · answered by mom0202 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh honey, you're doing too much. I am 30, have five children ranging in age from 1 yr to 11 yrs. I stay home, my husband works, and he comes home and helps a lot more than that. He gets to come home to a fresh pot of coffee and he gets time to drink a couple of cups and take a bath, but after that he helps serve dinner and helps clean up after wards. He takes the trash out most of the time, does the yard work, changes diapers when he sees it needs done, and always asks if there's anything else that needs done. You work all day too. When he comes home chores need to be shared. He should be thankful that you're only asking him to take care of the yard. Put your foot down and put a sign in your yard that says "My husband won't mow the lawn." and see how quick it gets done.
2007-08-17 21:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I dont think your being unreasonable at all and I understand that he is tired of a busy work day but he should try and help around the house especially mowing the lawn thats like a once a week thing I also think that if you have older children you should get them to help out so that you wont be so stressed even if its little things like put away dishes or sweep or even vaccumm its not back breaking work for an 8 year old and thats one more thing you dont have to do. My parents did it to me and my brothers and we learned responsibility from an early age. Anyways back to the lawn I say just let it grow he'll get tired of seeing it so overgrown and he'll do it whatever you do dont let a lawn put strain on your marriage.
Hope this helps
2007-08-17 20:05:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋