My sons teen girlfriend is pregnant. They both don't want it, but her parents want her to. What next?

Question

My husband and I were teen parents also. We know how hard it will be for them. I think she should abord the pregnancy, but her parents say that she needs to live with her mistake. She's being mentally forced to do something that she does not want to to. We all need to have a meeting this Sunday, and I don't want to loose control of the situation. What should we do?

Answer 1

your giving your son an easy way out for a huge mistake that he made. if you didnt raise him to be smart and use a condom then why should he be aloud to just get a girl pregnant and then just kill the baby! have you never heard of adoption ??? remember that your son was made from a part of you which means that your grandbaby is a part of you also. there are tons of people in this world that cant have kids. why not bless them with the wonderful child that your grandson/daughter will grow up to me. its just sad because my mom always told me that if i got pregnant and wanted an abortion that it wouldn't be an option and she would raise my child but thankfully i was raised to be responsible and i believe everything happens for a reason.♥♥♥

Answer 2

Perhaps there are religious reasons why the other parent feel like the child needs to have the baby.

I personally think the best option would be to try and get the other parents to let the teen make the decision on their own. I would explain to them your situation, and give your reasons on why you think ending this pregancy is the best option. Also remind them that she will have to live with the mistake of aborting a child also. It's not so easily forgotten.

I would also have the parents tell you how they plan on supporting the pregant girl and her child.

Depending on how old the girl is and what state you live in, she could take this matter into her own hands.

Regardless of the decision that is made, both your son and the girlfriend are responsible for their actions. If she does decide to keep the child, your son will be legally responsible for providing for that child until age 18, so long as he is able to do so, and assuming the child is his.

Answer 3

I understand that they had sex, they got pregnant, it was a mistake. Mistakes happen. I'm thankful they were mature enough to let the parent's know because over the age of 16 in most states they could have an abortion and not have the parent's consent. At the meeting on Sunday I would explain to her parents that regardless of the mistakes made she is a child having a child! If they want what's best for their daughter then point out she will have no social life, she will have a tough time with school, and that if she drops out having any sort of career other than high school jobs will not be accessable for her. Also tell them that since you are not for her keeping the child you will not be held responsible for watching the child while your children attend school. That if it's their "mistake" then you are not going to be held financially responsible for any of it. Also if they choose to financially support this child since their teenage daughter and your teenage son will not be able to on their own then that is not teaching their daughter about the "mistake" she made that they keep hounding her about. When you point out the facts and reality they might realize that they are done raising babies and don't want to be raising their grandchild which will ultimatly be the case. If they do say they want to raise their grandchild then let them. When it's finals week point out that their daughter will need her rest to do well so she can graduate and eventually take over responsibility for her daughter or son, and that you will let her sleep at your house if they are going to force her to get up in the middle of the night. These parent's need a reality check that people make mistakes and that having a daughter means you should be that much more protective of her, and that much more open about sex because she's going to do it, and since she's the girl she's going to have to deal with the consequences a lot harder than your son. Fortunatly it sounds like your son is a good kid for telling you that he got his gf pregnant, and coming to you for help instead of waiting until the baby's born (which I have heard of so many times) and wanting to do the best by his gf. I mean you could just plain blank tell them "she wants an abortion, it was her mistake, her responsibility, her decision." If they don't buy that then if she's over 16 she can have the abortion without her parent's consent and there is nothing they can do about it. They might kick her out, and if they do that then offer her a place in your home cause obviously your son loves her, or he wouldn't be boinking her!

Answer 4

You might benefit from finding someone impartial to mediate the meeting. It would have to be someone not involved and doesn't really know the specifics of the situation so they can listen to both sides and help the teens come up with a game plan. I know suggesting to her to lie to her parents would be a bad thing but if it becomes this desperate she could always tell her parents she is living with her mistake and then as soon as her parents leave her hospital bed give the baby up for adoption. There would be nothing they could do about it except kick her out and in that case you are already involved as is your son and she might benefit from a different set of parents. One that can be a little more realistic when it comes to teens.

Answer 5

By teen, are we speaking of 15 or 18? I think the best answer seems to be adoption. She would still be living with her choices without having the huge and important responsibility of a child. Are her parents willing to take on the financial and emotional support of a child. Let's also remember that all babies don't come with perfect health and are they still willing to care for this child, should it have health concerns. Let the parents of this unborn baby decide what to do. Abortion may be their decision, I , as a mother would guide away from that and towards adoption, But that is a personal opinion. Be sure to let her parents explain fully, their plans for this baby's future and their daughter also. Then be sure you can have your say. Keep things low key, and friendly. Whatever the decision is all parents should support each other and remember to be as civil as possible.

Answer 6

Wow tough situation. I would like to say since they both don't want the child that it's their decision but if she's under 18 her parents come into play. I suggest that if you are religious at all you pray about it. As for the meeting on Sunday I suggest you go in with the attiude that you can't change somebody's mind but you can advise them. Since you and your husband were teen parents you all know first hand what problems they will face. If nothing gets resolved then just let your son and his girlfriend know you support whatever desicion they make and will help them in anyway you can.

Answer 7

By law, her parents can't force her to make any decision she doesn't want to. I think that most states only require a teen to inform her parents that she is having an abortion, not gain permission.

But ultimately, the decision is HERS and hers alone to make. She's the one who will have to either carry it for 9 months or go through the abortion. Either way will be hard on her, and so no one should force her into anything she doesn't want to do. The decision will be hard enough to make without everyone pulling and pushing her different ways.

The most you and your son can do is support her in whatever decision she makes. Let her know what her options are, and make sure that she's well informed of these options. Apart from that, she's going to need a lot of emotional support. If her own family will stoop low enough to try to force her into a decision, then she'll be needing a lot of help.

Answer 8

Do a little research on the abortion laws in your state. In many states, minors do not need parental permission to get an abortion.
Also, if abortion is out of the question, there is the adoption option. If she is being forced to go through a pregnancy, perhaps she not be forced to keep the baby.
I am not saying that you should encourage the girl to disobey her parents, I am just saying that she should be made aware of her rights.

Answer 9

They made the choice you don't get to say oops I don't want it now, They need to have the baby they can give it up for adoption if they would like. I don't recommend abortion what would they learn, where is the lesson. I am not saying that it is easy being a teen parent it's hard but they chose that road and if you always help them fix there mistakes as opposed from learning from them and dealing with the consequences then they will keep making the mistakes.....

Answer 10

what ever you do, don't punch her in the gut...This has bad situation written all over it. I would see if there is some mutual person like a guidence counselor or someone of that nature who can mediate the discussion. Depending on how old she is, and what state you are in, she may not need parental consent, but it would be good to have it anyways. As the parents of the father, you're pretty much screwed either way. The father in this situation has very little say, just reason with them, but unfortunately you're going to have to live with her (and maybe her parents') decision either way.