If you have (or would have) a daughter, how would you teach her to deal with someone who demeans her?

Question

What would you say to her if someone called her "inferior"? How should she handle it?

How about this?
Let's say she is 16 years old, and has started a job working behind the counter at the local CVS or whatever, and she miscounts some change back to a customer. The customer gets upset and starts in about what a stupid B she is, that she's too stupid to work behind the counter if she can't even count.

(I actually saw this happen to a girl - I felt terrible for her).

OK - perhaps my example was lame.

But do you advocate she stand up for herself or turn the other cheek? Some of you have already answered this.

And yeah - and maybe she shouldn't listen to an oaf who is having a bad day.
But sometimes even friends can be disrespectful too, claiming "I'm just being honest."

Answer 1

I think the first thing before that even happens is to teach her to love herself. Teach her that she is the most important person in her life, and that in order to spread love or receive love in this world one must first love oneself. Then it would depend on the situation. Sometimes it takes the bigger person to let it roll off your back and walk away with the knowledge that you know that person is wrong, sad, and insecure for speaking that way. Sometimes it warrants standing up for yourself, but really it depends on the situation, and there are not enough details to answer in more detail..

Answer 2

well, its not really about knowing a good comeback, it's about self confidence which really is valuing your evaluation and opinion of yourself over others. So she knows she is not inferior to anyone so this person is definitely wrong. Now how she wants to handle it is up to her. She can say: "I am glad you feel that way" or "thanks ms superiority" or whatever but she doesn't even have to say anything to the individual. If she has to work with the individual then she has to say firmly that it is not ok for him/her to say treat her like that or better still, find a different person to work with.

For now, she comes back and tells you the story, you ask her:
Are you stupid? No. Are you (whatever else she was called)? No. Does counting change wrong make anyone stupid? No. Then why would you consider the opinion of someone who doesn't even know you?

Answer 3

I think that if you are referring to men implying that she's inferior because she's a female, then the way I would handle that is to tell her that men who do this are actually quite insecure themselves. I would tell her that this is why they put others down, and that it's likely not the last time she'll run into such behavior. I'd remind her that she is NOT inferior, and to never let anyone make her believe that she is. I would also tell her that she should not waste her time trying to prove something to someone who has such ideas....that it's a waste of time and energy. The only person she should be concerned with proving something to is herself. She can do whatever she sets her mind to do- including rising above such petty foolishness.

Answer 4

well this question would apply to anyone really. whether you're talking about a friend, yourself, your son or daughter or family, you try to help them understand the situation. with proper guidance, love and support they will learn how to handle any negativity that they're faced with. it's the individual's decision how the negativity will or will not affect them. they can brush off any offending comments and walk away. it's better to have little or no friends than to be around people that are a negative influence. it's not the person who is on the receiving end of the negative behavior or comments that is inferior, but more so the offending speaker. those are the people you really have to feel sorry for. being negative, mean, ignorant, pig-headed and close-minded is a miserable life to lead. unfortunately those people try to make others feel just as miserable or inferior to them only to make themselves look or feel superior. only fools falls for that facade. some people need more work than others. others just dwell in misery.

being of strong mind, focus working on yourself and building confidence. knowing who you are as an individual and don't allow negative people or their negativity to affect you. get away from the offensive people and behavior. whether you avoid them and confrontations, know your boundaries and ethics and context of whatever was said before making any decisions. sometimes people joke around and comments are taken out of context and are misunderstood completely. depending on the relationship and effort you want to apply you can decide if you want to clear up any misunderstandings. let the person know why or how their comments are inappropriate or have offended you. try to set an examply by practicing diplomatic and ethical behavior. if talking it out is not an option, you can always ignore them and remove yourself from the negativity or people with negative behavior completely and be done with it. be the better person and walk away. make new friends. be more selective about who you allow into your life and your circle of friends and how they affect you. always surround yourself with good positive, loving people that support you.

Answer 5

I have a daughter, and I taught her very early on that she doesn't have to take **** from anyone. The best thing is to role model--I don't take it, and she knows it. She's seen me "in action" and she handles things the way I do. Although she is incredibly strong, so she has to be aware of how her strength can impact. I've never encouraged violence, but I told her to never hesitate if someone is violent with her--male or female. And she never has hesitated, as two men with broken noses can tell you. She's a tiny thing, but it wouldn't be wise to mess with her. Nobody calls my daughter inferior in actions or in words without hearing about it. It's important that young girls know they can fight back, they can stand up for themselves, and they don't have to be intimidated by anyone. A good sense of self is crucial, and that starts at home. She knows who she is, and she carries herself with confidence, so not too many people attempt to demean her. It's all in how you carry yourself, in my view.

EDIT: Just to clarify, I'm not advocating physical violence, except in self-defense. Your question dealt with being demeaned, and I went further into physical assault.

Answer 6

I definitely depends on context... in your example, I would tell her that the customer was out of line in his reaction, we are all human and make errors sometimes. But when working in a service position, you have to smile through a lot of unpleasant customer behavior. That situation would probably not have significant repercussions, because of its context.

If she had a boyfriend who made demeaning comments to her I would insist that their time together be spent under my supervision, and have a frank discussion with her after he left about how his comments made her feel. I would hope that this conversation would help her re-evaluate the relationship.

Answer 7

I've taught my daughter (and my sons btw) that while this is supposedly a free country and people are entitled to their opinions (wrong or not), that she CHOOSES who she allows to impact her self image. She needs to determine if they have a valid point of view, since let's face it, no one is perfect. They may bring something to her attention she wasn't aware of... At the same time, she has to judge if they are just unhappy people venting their own frustrations in her direction... To be "inferior" per se isn't an automatic red flag... The average 5th grader is technically inferior at math than the typical 9th grader... is that a cause for shame??? We don't view a lack of knowledge as stupidity, rather as a goad to excel! In the specific instance above.. ask "In what way?" and then counter point by point... it will often throw your protagonist off and leave them scrambling to defend their comments!

Answer 8

Best thing to do to shut up these type of people is to say, Oh excuse me, I did not know God was in the building.
And if I saw this happen to anyone, I would not hesitate to let the person know that they are an ***.

Answer 9

If its some idiot buying stuff from the place she works, why should she care? Its some grumpy man and if he wants to insult people don't get overworked on it.

If its a friend or someone she trusts, that's a different story.

Answer 10

This is man in search but i'am not married although i think this is great question !!!!

If i had a daughter i would teach her to be proud and happy about the fact that she is a woman.

To someone who beleives in oneself these things dont matter but if they did she can always prove that person wrong.