Why is it hard to leave?

Question

I feel dumb asking this question, but I really need to hear the views of others about this.
About every other week my husband gets into fits of rage then days of being really nice. The span between his fits of rage and niceness seem to be getting shorter and shorter.
In his last fit of rage (4 days ago) he insulted me and my mom and punched the door leaving a hole in the door. He said he was moving out by today, but he has not left. He is now back in his "niceness" cycle. He is trying to act nice and is acting like he didn't do anything. He talks about our future and how I will always belong to him.
He says he is mad because I look down on him because I have a better job than him. He calls my family friends and tells them he pays all the bills even though I pay 90% of our bills because he can not keep down a job. My family thinks he will harm me if I don't leave this relationship, but I don't know why I'm staying after everything?

To clarify, he never let me talk to my family freely. He had been calling them and telling them lies about me, without my knowledge. They came to visit and he had his fit of rage. This is how they knew about his anger.
I had never told them about how he got into fits of rage before. They saw it themselves.

He's not on medication. It is like mood swings. From extreme niceness to extreme anger. He says he sees visions and gets messages, then acts on them. He is extremely suspicious of everything.

Answer 1

I went through something similar with my ex. He never actually hit me, but he would pitch fits and punch and kick furniture or walls, throw things around, yell and scream. ( I covered most of our bills as well and he hated it, but couldn't hold down a job for more than a couple of months at a time). He cheated on me on more than one occasion too, but I couldn't so much as glance in the direction of any guy or I was a sl**. Our relationship was a yo yo for many years. Finally I realized that I was hurting myself and my daughter by allowing us to be around sa situation like that. I couldn't let her grow up thinking it was ok for a guy to treat her like that so I kicked him out for good.
Even after all he put me through, seeing him walk out that door was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do because, despite everything, I still loved him.
You need to realize, that despite the nice phases, he will act that way again. Be careful, but get out as soon as possible. I am not going to lie and say it will be easy, but you have to do it for you. You deserve better than that. As long as you sit there and take it, it will continue to happen. It will not get any better, only worse...much much worse. If you are afraid for your safety, there are support groups all over that you can get in contact with.

You deserve so much more than he is offering. You deserve to be happy and respected by the person you are with. You just have to believe that and you will be just fine.

Answer 2

You Poor thing.
Relationships can be very addictive. Maybe you should get some counselling. Ending a relationship takes a lot of courage. You married this guy with expectations of a sound good relationship and admitting to yourself you made a mistake in judgement is not easy. Sounds to me like your husband is mentally unwell!
Put yourself first in this situation. You don't need this and neither does your family. If you can't leave for yourself, do it for your family who love you.

Answer 3

something is wrong here. you need to leave until he levels out. My guess is that he may actually have something wrong with him, like being bi-polar. It's hard to leave because you love him, no one wants to give up on someone they love. I don't necessarily know that you need to get a divorce but if you truly are concerned about his behavior and you think you may be in some sort of danger then leave. Tell him you will come back when this stuff is worked through.

Answer 4

he has a low self worth and knows he falls short on things, but instead of owning his own thing he lays all the blame onto u, may be time to get out of this, if u pay most of the bills, and he is unable to keep a job, he doesn't exactly sound like husband of the year. listen to your family and get out of there while u can, he will eventually hurt u.

Answer 5

You have to leave yesterday.... We should all learn to listen to our first clue.. I bet you have given him many chances.... Look you better make sure that you are afraid of him and protect yourself... This far he has controlled himself don't under estimate his anger. I would talk to him and make sure he is not mad at the time but he scares me and i would be going to the police. I truly hope you don't look down on him and that you don't make him feel badly but even then he scares me.. He must have some kind of bipolar disorder he should get help. And you should be real scared... I think he will harm you and i am not there to see it all.

Answer 6

The "Happy Period" is called the honeymoon phase. He is trying to make it up to you by being all lovey-dovey.

You do not need a man whom you feel is going to physically hurt you.

Usually, moms tends to know what's best. I suggest leaving yourself and going to your Mom's House. Than don't contact him, have a lawyer do it. He will just try to wheel you back in.

Answer 7

Listen to your family here, and get out before he hurts you again and get a lawyer and divorce his ***!!!!!

Answer 8

Why is your mother and family involved ? I think that just adds to the fire

Answer 9

so your sayn he goes off his meds?