One boy and one girl. Our son was born 2 years ago and the daughter is hers from another marriage. Since my son was born we have had our ups and downs as most couples do but they never seem to go away. All the talking in the world dosn't solve any issue either one of us has. Over time our fights have gotten worse, physical and sometimes in front of the kids. We both agree this is not the way to handle it and have told each other it wont happen anymore. But it keeps going on, every month or month and a half we are back on the fighting train this cycle never stops. Now i am the one that needs to leave but we split our bills down the middle. Money is tight, cause of a lot of fights, if I keep handing my money over to her for bills and I need to leave this marriage how can I? When do I stop worrying about her and worry about me if we both agree the marriage is done and I have to go when can I start supporting myself. I am lost and don't know what to do.
2007-08-17 12:13:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all , get some counseling, that way if it doesnt work out and least you cant say you didnt try...... fighting doesnt solve anything because when you fight you dont listen to what the other person is saying....... you only hear the yelling......... get some help first before you call it quits.......
2007-08-17 12:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. I have two solutions
solution 1 ( Very drastic) Get out. Pack your bags and find a place to stay for a while such as a friend or famil memebers place. All the same find an affordable place where you can have marriage counselling done, i know you may think that all the talking in the world doesn't seem to solve your problems, but that may be because your arguments have become more about who wins rather than actually solving them.
Secondly, do all these arguments and problems revolove around money? Most marriages these days break because of financial conflicts, and seriously something as materialistic as money is not what you want your marriage to end over.
Solution 2 (more calm and may work out)
Leave the kids with there grandma or somone who can care for them and take a week just to spend time alone together, if you can't afford to go on vaccation, just take this time to plan small inexpensive dates, such as picnics or walks in the park. Romantic candlight dinners. Surprise each other with small gifts or love letters. You'd be surprised what a little romance could do to improve your relationship. Take some time to watch your wedding video together and go through albums and rember why you guys got together.
Marriage isn't like they show in the movies. Real life and real relationships take time and effort. I wish all the best in saving your marriage. Don't give up real love is hard to find, and even harder to keep.
2007-08-17 12:33:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it is better for yall to be apart then to argue and fight like that in front of the children. So yes you leaving probably would be the best if yall cannot work it out. Secondly, you are not responsible to take care of her until a court orders it and then it is only for a reasonable amount of time. Your responsibility is to take care of those children. If you seriously want to leave her then I would suggest go and get your divorce and let the courts decide how much money you are to give her every month. If she cannot make it on that then the courts will look at that and ask what she is doing with all this money you are giving her. Good luck!
2007-08-17 12:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you obviously are in a circle with your arguements- What is the root of it? Are both of you still in love with each other and want to be married? If so you wont give up so easily you will fight for what you want to at least know you gave all you could- Maybe its a communication thing. Have you thought of counseling. The money is split between seperate bills but why are you giving her money for bills I thought you two split them seperately between each other. Does she work? You also need to look at the children even if the oldest isnt biologically yours you accepted her as your daughter when you two married- Im not saying to stay for the kids because that is wrong and would hurt them more rather then help but you also have to way them into the consideration for divorce you and your wife need to sit down as adults and discuss each others feelings- i understand it is hard but it has to be done and before the discussion starts both have to agree not to yell no matter how tempted that issues need to be discussed
2007-08-17 12:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by mrsyac2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep physically fighting in front of the kids and you won't have to worry about supporting them because they will end up in foster care. Well you will once child support comes after you but that's a different story. This relationship is not healthy for the four of you and you need to suck it up, if you are willing to let her keep the place and help to make sure the kids have what they need then go back home to your parents, siblings or even a friend's couch while you take some time to do some saving. Regardless of what you have to do, there's NO excuse children should be exposed to their parents behaving in such a childish manner.
2007-08-17 12:23:21 · answer #5 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have are ups and downs in a marriage, For starters you need to look at the big picture, What starts the arguments, If its money you fight over then you need to write a family buget you can both live with... Trust me when its comes to arguments Im the queen, my hubby and I fights are always verbal and yes we just got done with one just a few days ago, and we reach a mutual decision, (That we made a buget and we got to stick to it). Now I know you dont want your children growning up in that kind of relationship, and please whatever you do dotn get phyiscal, because that just hurts the kids, ( my parents fought like that) and it made me very insecure. And maybe try to seek counsling for you and the wife...... Good luck
2007-08-17 12:43:39 · answer #6 · answered by krista a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright, so things are tough. Tough.
You and your wife need to deal with them. You need to act like grown ups and deal with your problems. You have kids, so that's all there is to it. They didn't ask for the crap you and your wife are giving them for a life. Give them something better. And if you think that means you leave, then I wonder what kind of man you are.
You've already admitted that the two of you are not equipped to deal with your problems alone. So GET HELP!!!
Call a marraige councellor, work on things, maybe grow up a bit. But for God's sake at least put forth some effort and stop whining about it. Be a man, take responsibility for yourself and for YOUR FAMILY.
Geez.....
2007-08-17 12:23:38 · answer #7 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop handing your money over. Set down and do a budget and see what you can do to leave and NOT make the kids starve because it sounds like that is your main concern. Decide on amount for child support and then leave. Make sure you get recipts for any money givin to her after yuo leave so that you can show intent in court if it comes to that.
2007-08-17 12:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by Brandi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two angry people talking never works. You need a professional to help you work through things. DOn't be afraid of counseling... it's a lot better than fighting in front of the kids, and should always be the step you take before thinking of Divorce.
2007-08-17 14:26:37 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah Jaye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You Might have to do what I did - - I got another job and another Job and All I did was work...Finally with Three Jobs I saved 10,000 Dollars and Got OUT ! My Ex was Crazy though and we only had One child !!! 50-50 custody though because I Love My Daughter and would not want to go without seeing Her !!!
Good Luck !
I Was So Tired all the time we stopped Fighting !!!
2007-08-17 12:26:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋