Write a poem describing today’s culture.poem needs to be at least sixteen lines.doesnt have to rhyme.?

Question

Street Lights, City Lights, Night Lights
This is the life.
Running 'round, admist the sounds
Children playing, adulthood yelling
Paining, laughing, everything in between
Culturize, behind my eyes I see
Pure simplicity, within the tranquilities
of the ever so calming star lights.
Diversity, individuality, the components
Of the newer life and generation
that surrounds me.
And they run around, and they scream and shout
And they fall down, get back up
Knowing what it's like to mess up
That's the life, of making a life.

...thats what i have so far what do you guys think....???....anyone help?...any add on's....etc would be helpful, please. thanks.

Answer 1

The word "adulthood" stopped me in my tracks. Why not grown-ups, adults, parents? Adulthood just seems too formal for the poem.

Also, "paining" bothers me. How about crying?

That said, so far, so good!

Answer 2

Well, I could tell you some fancy, highfalutin' tale about how I anguish and suffer for my art, how I spend hours struggling over each word, writing and rewriting, about how I write to a metronome to keep the cadence of my lines so even, but the truth is very different. I get an idea, and then put myself on autopilot. My sense of rhythm, and when to vary it, is innate. I write very quickly, almost always at the keyboard (though this was not so until the last few years), and never edit. When I want to write a good sonnet, I may take as much as ten or fifteen minutes, but a boilerplate sonnet like the ones I post here is perhaps two to five minutes from inception to completion. I have only spent an hour or more on a poem five times in my life, and all of them with the exception of one had at least 120 lines. I have written over 2,000 poems. To sum up, I would prefer to read good poetry, and look on my own participation only as a minor hobby. I do not consider myself a poet, but I am a writer; that's the majority of my income and my profession. I have written three poems in my life that I would consider noteworthy, and none of them will ever leave my safe while I'm alive. So how do I write: not carelessly, exactly, but for enjoyment, purely. Someday, I'll take the time to learn how to do this thing a little better...

Answer 3

Okay...well, I agree with the other comment regarding "adulthood"...you could just as easily have said, "grown-ups" or "adults"..."adulthood" is not an object or person, it's a state of being, and states of being can't yell. Then, "paining"...sorry, but that's not a word. You can say, "hurting" or "suffering", but not "paining". Then "culturize"...again...you need to be careful with coining new words...you can still get the same sound if you use "cuture wise", so consider it. Then, "star lights"...if you want that image, then just say "starlight". Then, add a "the" before "generation". Next, try removing the "and" before "they run around" and modify the phrase so it reads:
"they run around, scream and shout
They fall down, then get back up"

This should help your poem read a bit more naturally.

keep writing...even when it's not an assignment

Answer 4

Cool poem. You have addressed all major aspects of urban living with a nice emphasis on the human element. But you're missing a bit to meet the 16 line minimum requirement, and there is not much mention of culture. Culture can mean many things, and you are focusing on the youth culture, so I would toss in a brief mention of music (style, volume, importance of, or anything similar), maybe graffiti as your poem is obviously urban-minded. This would add the cultural elements and the line or two needed to reach the expected length.

Any good poem will make the reader "see" a scene in front of them, adding more detail of the cultural aspect will take it from a generic Anytown to a more specific image.

Overall it's a great poem. Good luck.

Answer 5

Damn kids
Kids and their damn music
Those damn Beatles started it
Screw it, I'll watch TV and relax
Reality shows? What's real about that?
Some English guy with an attitude likes to make people cry
What the hell can HE do?
Oh well, he may be foreign but at least he speaks English
And doesn't write on walls with spray paint
But the Beatles were English too
And they had long hair
Don't even get me started about that
I wish cars still had tail fins
I wish gas was still under a dollar a gallon
I wish comic books still cost a dime
I wish good guys still won

Answer 6

I don't like you're last line, but other than that it's okay...

Answer 7

Oh,where,oh where has your little brain gone,?
oh where,oh where can it be?
since I ask someone else to do homework!
Oh where,oh where can it be?
(repeat 3 times

Answer 8

you ask me to speak
so i ryme it with think
but my computers full of ink
so this poem will stink

Answer 9

i really dont like the ending