Just for people who are divorced please....?

Question

I am single and i don't have kids, i never married.I met this divorced man and his wife left him 6 years ago, so they are divorced with 2 kids.He is wonderfull and very nice guy but i'm scared to get involved with someone that already has kids, what do you advice me to do?should i look someone single like me?can i be more happy with him?am i going to look for trouble??help me!!Please be serious,Thanks!

He has a son with 11 and a girl with 13.They are 40% of the time with him....and just again:it was the ex that wanted to leave him.She had psychological problems...it took 2 years for him to get over it...

I'm 34 and he is 37.I don't mind about his kids, and about me having kids depends on life...if it happens...i would be ok!

Answer 1

I am a single mom with two kids. my boyfriend has one. all the children are from previous relationships, and we have none together. obviously his daughter is an only child, or was until the mother had another one last year with her new flame. this child is hell on wheels. don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but MAN. the girls are six months apart, and it's a fight every day. they get along early in the day, and right after naps, but as the day goes on, his daughter is taunting my daughter. she's been given everything, and makes sure my daughter knows it. (they're four, btw.) when her daddy comes in the door, there's a complete change in her. things that she doesn't do during the day, like whining for what one of the other kids is playing with or demanding that her daddy put on her shoes, does not happen when he's not there. it's like Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, I swear. and it's because she's been allowed to act like this all of her life, everyone has always given her everything she wants, done everything she wanted them to do. it's a game she's playing to make her daddy feel bad. but he's catching on. he's snuck in and seen the way things go in my house, and the change when she sees him.

these are the things you have to look out for. the daddy's girl, the "best son in the world", and all of the things that come with marrying someone who has children. don't think things will change once you get married. and with their ages, it'll be hard to change anything you have a problem with. they will always be first, as children are in re-marries. no matter how much he loves you, he will not put you in front of his kids. it just doesn't happen. (I don't put my boyfriend in front of my kids. they get what they need, and then he gets his. they don't always have what they want, but they have what they need.) don't pressure them to like you. either they will or they won't. with kids of those ages, there's no in-between. be friendly to them, but don't try to be their best friend. it doesn't work. and above all, do NOT step between their father and them, or try to overrule his authority in any way. (if you have a problem with how he is handling something, call him to the side and give your insight. do not do this in front of them, because it lets them know they can play you against one another.) get to know the kids personally, because if you're going to be with him, you're going to be with them. good luck!

Answer 2

I know first hand about being with a man that has a child. My husband and I met 5 years ago. He has a daughter and she is now almost 6. I am not a child person and I do not want any of my own ever. I am 28 years old and I have never wanted kids. Anyway. It is very hard being with a man that has kids especially if you do not want any. I think it would be best to find a single man with no kids or baggage. Trust me you will be better off.

Answer 3

i am not divorce.........
been married for 31yrs....
as to your questions....I've seen alot of marriages fail due to the other kids [mostly the mom]. no one will ever treat other kids as their own and if they say they do they lie......
if you can deal with the ex and the kids there is nothing wrong, but you must have doubt or you would not have ask here.. that's a sign telling you that your heart is trying to over rule your feelings...but you are the only person that can answer these questions... which i think you already know anyway....my answers is this.......find a single man with out any exes and kids if that's possible and start a marriage the way it suppose to be.....i don't want to sound mean or nasty about but when you think about all that's going to be involved.
what do you want is the question here....please yourself and all will be well.....i don't mean pleasing your feelings.....
let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid...follow it
wishing you the best........

Answer 4

Are you willing to deal with an X with mental problems? I thought I was until I actually understood what a nutcase she is. And are you ready for the kids to hate your guts? Because they can be easily manipulated by their mom... you will never be good enough.

I hope this doesn't happen, but life got a whole lot more complicated when we combined families. I thought the kids would always live with Mom. The 13 year old boy is now living with us, and he is a trainwreck waiting to happen with attitude, cussing, out all night, mean, hateful, rude and unappreciative. He's annoying as hell, and he treats me with hate and disgust.

Trust me, these are things you have to think about. I hope all goes well, but remember that marrying someone with kids is like a crap shoot... you do not know how it is going to mesh when you come to the reality of it.

Answer 5

Give the guy a shot. Obviously your interested in him, just don't rush into anything. He could be the most wonderful guy in the world and his ex was a complete b*tch (speaking from my own experience). My new woman (of over three years) is great and my kids are a non-issue. We love each other and have all the same interests. the fact that we're both divorced and I have two kids (17 and 19) has nothing to do with it. We want to be together and so we are.

Answer 6

I think that if you like this guy then take it slow and see where it goes. Something that I would look at though is how he and his ex interact with each other. If you guys stay together then she could be very helpful or make your life hell.

I would also be careful of WHY they divorced. Is he abusive or has he cheated? Other then that haveing kids is not a huge deal and may just work to your advantage. he is more settled and after doing this once he knows what he wants and needs in the furture.

Answer 7

Reality says that depening on your age and what qualities you are looking for in a man, that he may have kids. It's not a gaurantee, but it seems people tend to view things differently with kids and maybe and ex spouse.

That being said you can be just as more/less happy with a man who has no kids. Ask yourself what is it about this man that you like, and does him having kids change that?

Obviously you will encounter his ex, should you stay with him. Hopefully she isn't a problem, but that is a risk even with unmarried non parents.

Whatever you decide make sure you look at differ viewpoints do what you feel is best.

Answer 8

Sorry to say but most people have had kids and been married at 34 but I got to tell you I'm with a guy who's been married before but never had kids and were 40 and 41 but I have kids it was hard at first but my kids love him and my little one is 5 and thinks of him like dad and we are going to try and have a baby next year I'm going to get my tubal reversed and I love him so much theres nothing I wont do for him

Answer 9

This all depends on the age of the kids. Hopefully he is not looking for a new mommy for his kids but if he is and you dont want to be a mom yet then run. If he is not pressureing you to jump into the mom role then chances are that this relationship will be like any other and shouldnt cause any problems. A lot of men who have experienced parenthood are more mature and make better lovers. Wish you the best of luck
!

Answer 10

Your question is hard to answer without all the facts. How old are you? How old is he? Do you want to have kids? Does he have the kids all the time or at all? You can have a wonderful relationship with him but you have to want the same things in life. The biggest thing that you need to be is secure with him. Depending on his relationship with his children you will not come first. The kids always will and you will need to be flexible but it is do able.