My school has a poetry contest and I want to enter it. Which poem of mine would you think would be better to enter?
This one:
http://groups.msn.com/HeartbrokenFovever/shatteredmemories.msnw
Or this one:
http://groups.msn.com/HeartbrokenFovever/yourwebpage.msnw
If you look threw the group and prefer another poem to enter, please tell me.
2007-08-17 11:41:03 · 9 answers · asked by Ashley M 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Perhaps you should take up kayaking instead?
yeah?
2007-08-17 12:32:56 · answer #1 · answered by Phadria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both have similar themes, I liked the second one a bit better. My critique is that the poem fails to transcend, it is a bit ordinary. I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism. The fact that you composed something is already worthy. Attaining excellence takes a bit of work.
2007-08-17 16:26:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does it have to be about love? lots of people will do that and you should try to make your self stand out a little and i would choose a different poem than either of those
i didn't like either one because i dont like love poems
every one else thinks Sometimes so go with that, i didnt have a big enough attention span to sit and read either of them
2007-08-17 16:49:15 · answer #3 · answered by mmiller_2011 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The second poem is much better written. Go with this one.
By the way, you sound soooo sad! Blessings to you.
2007-08-17 11:51:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in basic terms my very own attitude. I write music and lyrics. The message is sparkling with fewer words. Line a million. replace "might desire to" to "can" Line 2. evaluate this. "possibly some tears will upward push interior" "rinsing"..... increasing (Misspelled) Line 3. Delete no longer mandatory Line5. i could replace this. "i'm uninterested in giving myself fake wish and white lies" (Rhymes with eyes) Line 6. i could delete "sooner or later" Flows extra desirable. Line 8. evaluate this "it might desire to take days or some years" (Flows extra desirable. "over" is repetitive) Line 10. evaluate this. "To my loved, for a lot of those years, "who I did no longer refer to by all my fears"
2016-10-02 13:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, without a doubt
2007-08-17 14:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by poetsinger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like Sometimes. But maybe u should write a newer/less depressing one.
2007-08-17 12:03:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
and the winner is poem #2
but i also like the one that is titled
"all she had was a dream"
2007-08-17 11:55:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one called "Sometimes"
2007-08-17 11:50:53 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Rayyhol♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋