Why does a woman get blamed for trying to trust and love a man who becomes more controlling over time?

Answer 1

Women seem to always get the blame when a relationship goes south.

In this instance I would say they get blamed because they are being manipulated. As easy as it is for someone on the outside looking in to see, it isn't that easy to see when you are living it.

Misplacing our trust is one of the things women do best. The problem is, men who are controlling are also good at what is generally known as crazy making behavior.

They use passive agressive tactics and make us question our own judgement. We fall into a pattern of trying to improve what is clearly wrong with us, instead of recognizing the fact that no matter what we do, we will always be wrong because we have been set up by this guy to always be wrong. It keeps us off balance, it keeps us guessing, it undermines our self confidence, effects our other relationships, makes us question ourselves.

Other people blame us because they think we should be smarter than that. We should be too. When the relationship ends, no doubt, we will blame ourselves.

Answer 2

Taking a step back for this question , either you coplained about the relationship or they volunteered their opinion.

That would be why they would offer this opinion.

As for where they came up with the opinion, there are lots of people who believe you have no one to blame for your misfortunes but yourself.

I could turn the gender roles around and the advise would be the same. I could even change them to the same gender and the advise would be the same.

I just got finished answering a question about whether a person should knowingly get back with a person that cheated on them twice before.

Again the advise is the same, if you can see the fault and it is not yours, why don't you do something about it.

You can have all th love and trust in the world in a relationship but if there is no honesty then the relationship is doomed to heartache. And anyone who keeps silent while the other person cheats or bullies them around, or otherwise takes advantage of them is sure to suffer at their own inaction as well as the other person's actions.

It is not to say the abusive person is not primarily to blame for the situation but it is to say if you want to solve the problem you will have to take some of the blame onto yourself, ask yourself did I tell this person that they were too controlling, and did I tell this person that I would leave if it stayed that way?

I am trying to put myself in the shoes of the person who said this and that makes the most sense as to why they said what they said.

Of course, the question becomes when you heard this statement did you tell this person that you thought they were being a bit too controlling in trying to tell you what you have been doing wrong in your relationship? If you didn't then you should give some thought to the advise.

i think the point of the comment is to get you to speak your mind and tell this controlling person that you are not going to take it anymore. If you have said that then the point was the or I will leave part of the equation. A rule with no bite to it is not a rule and that is why the other person is getting away with being controlling. You could easily be controlling too.

When you love someone you can't always let them have their way.

And blind trust can often lead to unforeseen problems.

Tell that to whoever this is about.

Answer 3

Okay...I can answer this question in a few different ways, but you said ‘blame’ so I am just going to address that. However, I need (for my peace of mind) to say that there is a difference between blame and responsibility.

Blame is to be at fault.
Responsibility is that which is within one’s own power or control.

So, although a woman is not to blame for a controlling relationship...she is responsible for it. It is in her power...in her control. She will never get out...until she starts taking responsibility for it.

That said...why are women blamed?

The most well known theory behind ‘victim’ blaming is the “Just World Hypothesis”. Individuals that have a strong belief in a just world...need to believe that the world is a safe, fair place where people get what they deserve...and deserve what they get. Even when evidence suggests otherwise, such individuals are very reluctant to give up this belief, and therefore, conclude that the woman deserved or is to blame for her situation.

Secondly, is projection. We all have our weaknesses. But for some, it comes all too easy to disown ours...while we amplify and crucify the weaknesses in others. For people who cannot accept their own abused selves (in whatever form) their finger will point most erect, outwards. Essentially they are condemning the denied part of themselves.

Third is plain old ignorance. If you never had such an experience...you haven’t a clue how cunning and disarming another’s controlling behavior can be. Sure you can eat with a broken leg...but how well can you run with it. The very thing a woman needs most of all—becomes near useless. People rarely understand this...unless they’ve experienced it first hand.

Answer 4

Blamed by who? I don't mean that facetiously. Regardless, it sucks to be in a relationship where the other attempts to be controlling, especially when there is NO reason for it. Oddly enough, some people think that the person being controlled just needs to placate or bend to the will of the controlling person a little to assuage their lack of trust. As if doing so will somehow end the controlling behavior. Placating rarely, if ever, helps in the long run. Seemingly, the woman is often thought as the one that needs to bend to the will of the man. What rot.

I suppose that does not answer the reason why.

Answer 5

society basically. women also get blamed for trying to trust and love someone who abuses them, leaves them, cheats on them, lies to them--you name it. the more life experience the person forming the opinion has the less likely they are to have "blame the woman" syndrome.

Answer 6

The only control someone can have over you, is the control you let them have, and doesn't trust come with love? if he's tryin to control you and you don't trust him, dump him quick. The Gunslinger is not controlling, and is trustworthy.....;)

Answer 7

it becomes tradition in a male dominated society to blame a woman for any and all troubles...hopefully someday, men in general will realize the difference in companion and slave.

Answer 8

Because women are smart and should know better than to put up with a contolling jerk.

Answer 9

men dont know how good they have it when they can find a woman that loves him and takes care of him!!