It's been a while since I felt ready to try to jump on to the relationship bandwagon, but I feel like it's time to try again. I just have one problem (I can't believe I'm publicizing this) - I have some serious SERIOUS trust issues. My last serious guy cheated on me like CRAZY and I didn't find out until after he took off on me (2 1/2 year relationship). Ever since then I feel this intense need to maintain control of EVERYTHING relationship-wise, and I think that drives some guys crazy. Either that or I just remain emotionless and cold (I'm a Virgo, hee hee) and it eventually drives them away.
I'm a warm guy with a big heart and I want to give it to someone, but I don't know how to cope with this. Any ideas? P.S. - this is like the first real question I've asked on here!
2007-08-17 09:34:16 · 12 answers · asked by gochefs (Geo) 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Thanks guys! XOXO This is no one in particular, by the way - do you guys think I SHOULD just let it happen? That's not my way, really....ugh...I hate sitting on my hands! LOL
2007-08-17 10:00:40 · update #1
I should say, I haven't really selected anyone.
2007-08-17 10:01:31 · update #2
Good for you! :)
Trust the person first. In other words, don't jump into bed with him until you know him well enough to gauge the level of trust he deserves.
Then work on the control issue. The only way to break the behavior is to grit your teeth and use a little old-fashioned willpower in holding your tongue for a bit.
2007-08-17 09:45:42 · answer #1 · answered by Clint 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you definitely don't seem like the guy you describe. LOL So much for seeing you as you are. But I kind of understand. I am afraid of alot of things but not due to experience. I just have heard horror stories about guy guy relationships. But I met a guy last year who I thought could be boyfriend material and it fizzled because he wanted me to pursue him. Since it was my first gay relationship, I didn't know the first thing so I dropped it. Then this last March I met this guy at a party and he just wowed me. But he did all the pursuing. I just kept going about my business. We would go out and do something and then that was it until he popped up again. Then about a month ago, he asked me to be his boyfriend. My heart hit the floor. I have never felt this way about another human being before. But I know its not going to last. It feels too good to. The point I'm trying to make is even if you are ready for a LTR, it has to happen. I don't think you can go looking for it. You seem like an awfully nice guy, I think you'll have no problem getting what you want.
2007-08-17 16:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by realangst 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand completly what you are going through I was in a realtionship for over 2 years myself that ended sort of badly we tried to become freinds but we drifted too far apart after our breakup. I have tried dating other guys but never got past the first date so I decidedI was not ready for another one. I think it is great that you are ready to get back on the bandwagon and try again. I am not quite there myself but I am getting closer. The best of luck to you.
2007-08-17 18:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by Jon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything rash,just be yourself and be happy.I am sorry that your last boyfriend cheated on you,it is not your fault that you have a need of wanting to control your own life and set the pace.If guys can't understand that then it is their problem and not yours.Though try not to dwell too much on the past like:'is he going to cheat on me' or 'where is he going'.I am not sure how you can work on the trust issues,maybe talk to someone like a really good friend?
Good luck whatever you do Chef.
2007-08-18 09:18:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dive head first into one and enjoy. Just take each day at a time and if for some reason this one doesn't turn out, just take it as a lesson learned and try again! If you feel you're ready go for it! Just be ready for whatever may come , good or bad ;-)
2007-08-18 01:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by I only love you when I drink 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a wonderful man and that any man would be LUCKY to have you. The one piece of advice I have is don't make your current partner pay for what your past partner did to you. Sounds like you know that - but you have to willfully REMEBER that daily.
And um Just FYI - Virgos are the second most desirable sign in most people's books - hope your guy is a Cancer!
2007-08-17 16:46:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Awww, honey what you felt is totally normal....just be sure that you take it slow, be open and honest and try your best to not "punish" the new one for your exes issues! Since you are an earth sign...find a water sign and make mud!
2007-08-17 16:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by Lil_bit_witty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My friend, I am handing you a helmet and knee pads.
*only kidding*
The only advice I have is to say "go real slow."
I wish you the very best and hope it turns into something beautiful and lasting for the two of you.
2007-08-17 16:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and take it a little slower. get to know the guy, be4 dating him, so u know what he's like.then decide if u honestly like him or not.best luck and sry 4 ur last 1.
2007-08-17 16:52:28 · answer #9 · answered by roxy101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your time overcoming trust issues takes time. However, I am sure the right guy will come along who will understand, and love you...and help you trust him.
2007-08-17 17:39:49 · answer #10 · answered by ©Diva© 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋