Can you accept an apology for cheating?

Question

My now ex husband had an affair and left for the other woman. After some time, he apologized. He said he was very sorry that he hurt me and that he truly wants me to be happy in the future. He says he feels disappointment, sadness and guilt that our marriage ended the way it did. Although I deal with him for our son' sake and never say/do anything that would impact their relationship - I do not know if I can accept his apology. I am a forgiving person. My mother always told me I let people walk over me because I always forgive too easily. I just can't seem to accept this apology however. Maybe in time? Has anyone out there truly fogiven their ex-spouse for hurting them this way?

Answer 1

Yes you can do this. Give yourself sometime and then forgive him for your benefit. It's like when someone forgives the person who murdered their family member. they are not saying that it was ok for the person to do that, they are saying I will let this go. Your ex apologized so he can have peace and because he truly wants you to have it I think. If you continue to hold the grudge you will only hurt yourself. He's already moving past his mistake. Now you need to. You don't every have to be buddy buddy with him. You don't even have to tell him you forgive him. It's more about letting go and having that peace for yourself.

Answer 2

As much as people do not want to admit it, most times cheating is not the reason for the break up as much as the cause behind it. It takes two people to form the dynamics in a relationship. I feel your ex husband is feeling remorseful and truly is sorry and now he honestly wishes you well. To forgive does not mean you accept the behaviour, but you forgive as a way to let go of the anger and the pain behind it. A person benefits from being able to forgive. This does not mean that you forget and decide to be chummy with him, what it means is that you graciously forgive him, thank him for wishing you well and then do your best to put it behind you. You can say to him, "you know I have thought about your apology and I have to admit I still have a lot of unresolved anger to deal with. It may take me time to forget it, and I may never forget it, but I have decided to forgive you as a first step to moving on" I hope my advice has helped you, either way I do wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I was very hurt, angry, sad, revolted.... I am no longer any of those things. It's been two years. I forgave her a while back. Forgiving someone is about you accepting that it happened and them moving on. The other person doesn't even have to know that you forgave them. My ex also apologized to me. Actually she did again earlier this week.
People do what they do to make themselves happy. Sometimes that hurts the people they are close to. I guess I figured it's just a fact of life and I'm not going to be happy if I spend all my energy focusing on how I've been done wrong.

Answer 4

well, I wasn't married yet, we were just living together and I was pregnant. I never thought that he could do me wrong. I trusted him w/ everything. When I got w/ him, he had NOTHING! I came to find out about his relationship w/ the young gurl when he got locked up. It tore me apart and I was 6 months pregnant. I didn't wanna hurt my baby inside w/ this hurtful pain that I was goin' through, so I prayed and asked the Lord that if it's meant 4 us 2 be 2gether, then bless us in marriage....Sure enough, we got married 2 yrs. ago. Our daughter will be 4. I told him I had 4gave him, but deep down inside I was lying cuz it's just soooo hard to let that go and just 4get about it just like that. The pain that I went through was not easy. I pretend that everything was normal, but inside I was in pain. It hurt me so much that any lil' thing I take it 2 an extreme and we argue. I don't wanna lose him, but in due time it'll all be over and I won't have to worry about him doing me wrong anymore. It just takes time. People would tell me the same thing that people would just take advantage over me cuz I was nice, but not no more...I can't just trust anyone nowadays..I don't know if this is of any help.

Answer 5

My favorite quote from Oprah "Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves." If you hold on to the bitterness and anger for fear that it might relieve some of his pain, you only end up leaving some poison in your own system. Let his stuff be his stuff. What he did is release you from a deadend marriage and give you your life back. Forgive him, and move on and be happy. That is the best revenge. My dh cheated and won't sign the stupid papers to get this over with! Be thankful.

Answer 6

It's a part of your healing! Yes, I have went through that.

You can forgive but you don't have to forget. Once you forgive him be sure that it's really forgiving and not just coming from your mouth. In order for you to have piece and move on into a healthy relationship you must forgive and let that baggage go.

Answer 7

You should be smiling for him feeling that way. I am sure you felt like you got a kick in the gut doing what he did and it did not bother him at that time. I would tell him you would never forget the pain he caused you. Let him worry about that the rest of his life. It is sad that you still have to face him because of kids and the memories he brings back everytime you see him.

Answer 8

I haven't forgiven mine and I've been remarried 4 years now. Don't get me wrong I love my new husband more than life itself, but I can't bring myself to forgive the ex. I feel sorry for him because of his choice of wife (2nd) and I think he looks kinda pathetically sorry for how he cheated on me but no I could never forgive him, because he didn't just cheat on me he cheated on my children - for 10 years, and that's uppermost in my reasoning. They didn't deserve to have a Daddy who didn't put their best interests first and instead indulged in his own dirty shanannagans. I think he's the loser I really do, but I won't forgive him I would rather eat poop.

Answer 9

...what the hell??? is this meant to be some sort of shaggy dog tale or some thing? she could sell off you in the main painful way and you're able to be the single begging for her forgiveness for cheating AND slapping her. she could desire to call the police on you, you abuser! in fact, she could! SHE HAS NO perfect TO ask for forgiveness.

Answer 10

yes I forgave him for cheating. but only because He told me before I even thought or found out. and he stopped in the beginning of it and said no and left.