A Poem By Marguerite?

Question

A steady handprint assures a shaky awakening
Nurtures and channels a new-born quickening
The indelible signature heartens a springing courage
The fledgling composes an imaginative personage

A calm excitement ensues and expresses new delight
Treasures held dear, yet rushing, accelerating others insight
Barriers overcome, flooding a passage through a broken dam
Find uncompromising expression in truth, reality, and idealism

With thankfulness I humbly devote a recent discovery
A love of words and rhyme, a message of delivery
To those who listen with hearts opening and engrossed
The thoughts of this transformed dreamer who once was lost

Answer 1

Hi Marguerite...

First thing to say is this is one of the best attempts I have seen on this site so far. Why? Because you thought about both the peom and the reader. The others who post here with there whining 'Oh why Dad, why Mom, why must I bleed in this empty world?' bullsh*t just have no idea of either form nor the reader.

All of that said (and you know I study Literature for my living and have done for 25 years), your work does tend to read more like an example of something you hope we will find it to be, rather than a real poem itself.

Most of all you must consider the structured form of your poems more Marguerite. In your first line it (half) looks like you have tried to use the anapaest form. Byron does it like this:

The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.

Now, that's Byron and you don't get much of him to the dollar. But count the syllables Marguerite...count them. Oooh? Eh? That's why it works. That's why it is a poem. That's why Byron was/is great.

However, in your second line, you seem to try to switch to the dactyl form. John Lennon does it like this:
Picture your self in a boat on a river with
tangerine tree-ees and marmalade skii-ii-es. (Emphasis added)

Do you see what is happening here? Anapaest/Byron is a long word with short syllables (A-ssy-ri-an) + short words/ syllables (fold, gold).

Dactyl/Lennon is short words/syllables (pi-cture your self...mar-ma-lade)+ 1 long syllable (treeeeees, skiiiiies).

These two forms when placed side by side contradict each other...the sound has no flowing rhythm. You have contradicted forms too Marguerite...that's why it does not work as well as it should.

I use these to show you that your phrases MUST have a meter At the moment this one does not (but your lovely little poem about that cat and the feathers did, that's why it worked). Work on your meter please.

Keep 'em coming! :-)

My best wishes to you dear.

Your friend, Jim

Answer 2

Marguerite - Such a beautiful birth. Creation is a wonderful and rewarding gift.

I enjoyed your play of words in the expression and you carried me all the way through without hesitation.

My favorite lines are:
"To those who listen with hearts opening and engrossed
The thoughts of this transformed dreamer who once was lost"

Well Put!

Answer 3

This is excellent. The first line threw me because a hand print is a stationary thing...but I got over it quickly and zipped through the rest. You put a little touch of soul on paper this time. I will watch for more.

Answer 4

This is one that I'm going to have to give more thought to.I'm mainly fixatiting on your first line at present. You put some thought-provoking ideas in your work. It's very nice.

Answer 5

"Stooge" with "noodge?" "Shelley" with..."pungent?" have you ever no disgrace, sir? Have the previous couple of tatters of literary competence and effortless decency been ripped faraway from the fabric of your existence? P.S. i've got self assurance precisely the comparable way. in in basic terms some short weeks, I honed in in this section because of fact the main helpful, attributable to the participation of many clever and gifted human beings consisting of your self. Y/A has grow to be substantial to me. One substantial spelling blunders right here. the superb form is "Noo Yawk." A clarification for the income of the previous contributor. The circumstances of jerkiness and being misunderstood are actually not jointly unique. i'm able to think of of one or 2 shining examples between our coterie. (No names please, that could desire to be chatting.)

Answer 6

It reminds of another poem,
Ani ohvet otcha,
Ani ohvet otcha,
Ani ohvet otcha,
Ramesh1938

Answer 7

I loved it that was great!