Should I leave my wife, we have been 15 yrs, I am so Unhappy with her performance as a wife in general!?

Question

Guys! I going to try to leave my wife of 15 yrs of going nowhere marriage. I am so tired, of being frustrated, angry, stressed out, miserable, unhappy and somewhat depressed in a relationship that is going nowhere. I am very super scared of the divorce thing! I am scared of LONELINESS, DEPRESSION BECAUSE OF BEING LONELY. I have never in my life done this before, this is my first marriage. I love my kiddos to death, they are extremely beautiful! big time!!! But I cannot stand my wife anymore...I am calling it quits because 15 yrs. I gave her alot of time, to straighten out and she won't change for the better. Its getting worse and worse. I am getting out! to live a single man all over again. I am very extremely scared about doing this!!!!!!!

Thanks to all guys for your support of answers! But I am thinking and planning to just move away temporary, away from the main house and find an apt or something and just live by myself. I will still visit her as a wife and my kiddos as a father, but I want to live alone, from a distance for a while and then see what happens from there. I am planning to move out, to an single man's apt or something. I just want to live alone-temporary, just for a little while, to get the feel of whats it like to be alone.. and so that my wife understand my Extremely Unhappiness of being with her...

Answer 1

now take your time and think about this before you make a major step in your life.

you say you are scared to be alone. well sir, i have news for you. you have been alone for 15 years. yes, you see her and live in a house with her, but they way i have been reading your post, i interpreted that you have been lonely the entire time.

yes, children are important and according to research children are better off in a two parent home, but there is a percentage of children that are successful that has been raised by single parents. in the beginning it will be emotional because they may think that daddy is leaving them too, but you have to do your best to make sure that they know that any time and day you would be there for them no matter what.

our households are the first place children learn about life. they learn there roles in society and they learn what relationships are about, by observing their parents. personally, i do not think it is healthy for you or your children to watch someone day in and day out look depressed and miserable all the time.

i am not encouraging you to walk away from your family because i believe in the family unit and that too many people has become to comfortable playing "single parent" but hey you have to do what you have to do.

i think what is going on is a lack of communication. i am pretty sure your wife is not aware that you are unhappy. you two really need to sit down and talk. you need to open and honest with her.

like i said she might not have a clue what is going on.

i vote to save the marriage and after you exercised all options, then use the separation option.

good luck abe

Answer 2

I will tell you why it got worse when you let her know it was almost over and she seemed to do exactly what you hate the most more that's because you dont understand her. Can I tell you something you dont have to lose your marriage and you can fall in love with your wife all over again!!! I am going to give you an anwser first I must say If you want to have your family back and have a happy marriage you are going to have to really give it 110% read the books Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication code by Emmerson Eggrich or order the cd's at loveandrespect.com. You don't have to be in an unhappy marriage and you dont have to be lonely make sure your wife reads these books too I'm sure she is willing to make things work. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Marriage is not easy at all, but you must try everything! I've been under the same frustations also, but when I look back to all the stupid things I did twenty years ago, and then I compare with today and I am blessed! You have to belive in yourself, God and your kids, there is always a way to find the best solutions to your problems instead to giving up. When I fill like I want to quit, I just look to my 10 year old son, and get more energy to move on and keep going with my wife. I had a very bad, and abusive childhood, because my parents got divorce when I was 8 years old, and my little brother was only 5. We suffered a lot and we still hurt. But I was strong enough to go to school, and become a good person and responsible adult. But not every one has the same streingh and fight for their own dreams. I did it, and my son is my inspiration and daily energy that helps me to understand my wife every month when she is having all those ups and downs that all women go trhu. Be patient and look for counseling! If you belive in God, and you are attending to any church, go and talk to your spiritual guide, I am sure they will help you. But always think before you make any crazy decision, your kids deserve the best, and talk to your wife and don't just blame her for everything, judge yourself and probably you have failed some time in the past, and don't forget you are also a human being, nobody is perfect! Believe in God and move on! God Bless you! I've been married 14 years!

Answer 4

I have read some of your answers and you always say you are unhappily married....Sorry to hear about this.

I believe in marriage, and generally don't think that divorce is the number one option. I generally advise people to try to work it out by going to therapy or going to church...But from what you wrote I guess you have been in this situation for a long time already, so that means you are fed up with it.

If you have thought this over well, and still feel this is the only thing to do, then go for it...But be prepared because a divorce is never easy and there are always a lot of loose ends and consequences!

You will be very stressed about change (and a lot of things will change, trust me!) so the better equipped you are -mentally- to deal with this,the better. Your kids will have a tough time but I think that if you talk to them and try to explain that you will always love them and you will always be there for them, they might be less hurt.

Another thing: Just because you and your wife did not match well as a couple doesn't necessarily mean both of you are bad people. These things happen and we are human- we change and make mistakes. Try to be civil to her and never bad-mouth her in front of your kids, because they will feel very bad...They will always love both parents, so don't make them choose!

Finally...Seek support in family and good friends. If necessary, see a doctor if you feel you are getting depressed. And take it easy...Divorce is similar to death- we must mourn the death of a marriage and the death of dreams.
It is normal to feel so scared of doing this; but everything in life has a price. So if you are convinced this is the best thing to do, then do it.
Good luck - and take care!

Answer 5

I understand how you are feeling. Expect to go through quite a few changes after you leave. I had problems sleeping, I forgot things all of the time, I couldn't eat, and I was just so restless that everything I tried to do, I felt that I should be doing something else. Thankfully though, this passed, I looked like hell for a little while, then badabing badaboom I have a great life now. Remarried to the best partner that I could possibly imagine. I am in love, even after several years. Always follow your heart, it will never let you down.

Answer 6

I don't believe in divorce but then again I've never been married either. It just seems like you have so much going on in your lives right now. You say that she isn't up for change and that its getting worse and worse. I would say try talking with your preacher if you belong to a church. I wouldn't recommend you two arguing and fighting in front of the kids. I don't know exactly what your wife has or has not done and the same goes for you for that matter. I just think if families would put God 1st then there wouldn't be so much or so many problems. Prayer changes things and God is in the healing business. Go to God in prayer and ask HIM to lead and direct your path unless you are just determined to leave your wife. If you just have to go then go because staying there for the children is not the right thing to do esp if you and your wife fuss and fight. My question is this: If she was like this when you got married, did she give you and indication that she wanted to change or was willing to change? Remember for Better or for Worse. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need to talk: [e-mail]

Answer 7

Divorce is a nightmare. It is the hardest thing you can go through short of the death of a close family member. Each person in a relationship has their faults and each is to blame for their share of mistakes in the marriage. You are smart to be scared of doing this. You will indeed feel lonely and depressed. In most cases you'll have days where all you can think is what a huge mistake you've made. If you truely are unhappy then a divorce is the way to go.

Answer 8

I would like to say, you sir. are a coward. You have some nerve saying your wife needs to straighten out who do you think you are. I don't think you pay her a salary for her performance and you sound ungrateful and unappreciative I can say that if you were the perfect husband and did what is expected of a husband you would not have any issues with your wife. You want to sound as if you are a Marta and did her a favor by staying with her Well let me tell you that if you wasted and spent 15 years miserable and unhappy that is your fault as no one can make someone else happy. Take some responsibility and I am sure she will be glad to hear she will soon be rid of your sorry @ss

Answer 9

Do what you've got to do...but realize alone doesn't = lonely. There are plenty of people in relationships who are lonely, and plenty of people who are alone who are quite happy that way.

Your life is what you make it. If you are already planning to be lonely and depressed, that'll likely be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you plan on starting a new life and making it WAY better than the last 15 yrs was, then that's what'll likely occur.

It's up to you dude...why get out of a bad marriage only to choose a bad single life? That's just silly...choose to have a great life, then make it happen!

Answer 10

Sometimes the right thing to do is in fact the hardest thing to do. If you are unhappy, leave. I am sure if you talked to her, she is probably unhappy also. The kids don't need to see you two this way. I have been married 24 years and it hasn't been easy. Everyone has their issues, and unless your being abused, you should try to work through your issues. 15 years is an investment. Is it worth giving up? Imagine telling your kids that you are splitting up with her and if you can do that, then you are ready.