My wife and I have been married for 17 Years and she was rape before I met her at a very young age.
When we got married it was hard to kiss her or get close to her and her eyes when shes kissing kind of like panic mode.
We fought all the time about her be able to make full love and 2 and a half years later I cheated on her nad I did not tell her until we were on our 8 year of marriage.
She said that she forgave me and 17 years later I find that she has not and she also cheated on me butthis past year and feel in love with another kind which he wants nothing to do with her.
She dont feel like we have anything left in our marriage be she is also full of anger and hate from when I cheated.
She says we dont have anything left but she wont call it off and we have 3 wonderful daughters involved.
2007-08-17 05:46:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey Honey,
I am sorry you are having this problem, but the true answer is that she should have had counseling when this horrible incident happen to her. It's obvious she didnt have counseling, because even though you dont forget you learn to deal with other relationships. It is not your fault and you didnt rape her. When she said that she forgave you for cheating it should have been such. If she wasnt able to forgive you she should have just told you " I love you and will never forgive you", that way at least you would not have went on for so many years thinking that your wife has forgiven you. If she is ready to give up the marriage let it go. Marriage is a 2 way street and it seems like you are riding down a 1-way. I know you love her and don't want to hurt the kids, but if the kids are of age to understand just explain to them that you guys cant be together but you really do love their mom and that you will be their for them and support them as much as possible. If a person is determined to do something, it will be done. And I believe in a marriage if a person comes out and say they dont want to be married anymore, THATS BIG! Marraige is a very spiritual thing and it should be treated as such.
2007-08-17 06:05:45 · answer #1 · answered by MARSHA M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't we all cheat at some point at some thing or the other. You got your share of the cheating and so did your wife. Now that you guys did it separately on the sly, you have the gained the valuable experience in the fine art of cheating. With this new knowledge that you have acquired...i am amazed that you as a couple wanna utilize this against your children by means of a divorce and cheat again .....of a stable home....parents.....peace of mind........
You guys need to resolve your problems thru counsel ling or therapy and should not get divorced.
2007-08-17 13:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Tryingtohlep 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forrest Gump made a point when the guy stepped in something and he said, "It happens". You have three daughters and too many things in the plus column to jump ship. Talk to those older and wiser and get counseling if necessary. Two wrongs do not make a right; water over the dam only comes back in the form of rain or snow. Both of you should get over the past and look to the future; you have been tempered on the blacksmith's forge and should be stronger for it.
2007-08-17 12:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will never have a normal relationship with you or anyone else until she gets some help with the rape issue and you should not have taken advantage of her problem to deal with the rape and used it as an excuse to cheat. Your children are the one's to suffer the consequences of both of your actions, even if you don't divorce do you think your daughter's will not notice the tension between the two of you. GO TO COUNSELING!
2007-08-17 13:44:35 · answer #4 · answered by robink71668 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your married for 17 years with 3 kids, you and your wife have both cheated so the problem is not her having sex due to a rape at a young age. You need to talk to her. You can suggest counseling which she should have gotten years ago.
Good Luck
2007-08-17 13:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of whether you can save the marriage or not, you both need counseling to help you deal with this truckload of crap. At the very least, you need to develop a healthier relationship for the sake of those daughters. Beyond that, even if the marriage ends, you're both carrying such massive baggage that any chance of future happiness is endangered by your unresolved problems.
2007-08-17 13:07:57 · answer #6 · answered by palan57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I am so sorry to hear that you are ging through this rough time. It sounds like you guys need some counseling. I think that it would be a great help and could help you salvage your marriage and also help your wife to get over the rape and her intimacy issues. I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out.
2007-08-17 12:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A marriage is always worth fighting for..get counseling. Your wife is holding very deep wounds and has also inflicted them on you.
Even if the marriage does not work out, the counseling will help you to both understand one another and remain good parents for your children.
Good luck.
2007-08-17 13:07:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have waited to tell her until you were married 8 years that you cheated on her. If you waited that long... why did you even tell her?
It sounds like you both have quite the history together. I would suggest some serious counseling, not only for her sake and your sake, but for the well being of your girls.
2007-08-17 13:00:02 · answer #9 · answered by MisselToe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy. What a mess. You cheated on her first, you knew how she was affected when you married her...huge trust issues and then you pile more on top. It's done now. She is probably more of a mess now because you married her than she was before you married her. She probably needs help sorting everything out....not by you but by someone who knows about PRSD (post related stress disorders). I don't know what to say other than it sounds really dismal at your house.
2007-08-17 12:54:48 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋