Do you think it determines infidelity?

Question

Since January of this year, I have been in touch with a male coworker from a job I left in November. It was nothing more than a one or two minute phone call once a week. Maybe twice, but not likely. Simply a check in, all good, great & take care. I did not tell my husband about the contact, he doesn't inform me of his contacts so why should I. He recently became aware of the calls because he checked the cell phone records. Now, since he has been guilty in the past of infidelity he is putting that on me. He thinks the quick phone calls mean I was involved in a physical relationship. Also that I don't know if this person has a girlfriend or not. I didn't care that deeply to ask. I don't think there is anything else. What is your thought on this? I can't be completely off base in thinking his rational is over the edge. Okay, I didn't tell him - but I'm not sleeping with the guy!

Answer 1

Your husband knows how simple contact with someone of the opposite sex can lead to an affair and doesn't like it that you seemed to be on that path. You should always tell your husband if you are having any contact with another man whether he is a married man or not.

Stop talking to the guy or only do it with your husband present so he won't think somethings going on.

Answer 2

Lets face it you and your husband do not trust each other. Without trust your marriage is going to crumble, Ask yourself this. Did at anytime when you were making these weekly phone calls think for one second that your husband wouldn't approve? Just because you didn't have sex with this guy does not mean that you did not cheat on the relationship,. Everyone thinks cheating has to do with the sex. News-Flash it doesn't. Most people have an affair because they are missing communication, friendship, honesty and trust in their relationship the sex is just a bonus thing in affairs. So while you didn't jump into the guys bed you hid your conversations from your husband (dishonesty, lack of communication) and now that he caught you you are going to bring up the old card of him cheating on you. The first thing you need to do is think about if you are really over his whole affair. That you are not still harboring hurt and angry feelings. The second thing you need to do is apologize to your husband. Tell him that it was wrong of you to keep it from him and you didn't take the time to realize that it may have hurt him.

Answer 3

YOU know you're not sleeping with the guy, but if it looks like a possible infidelity to an outside observer - is it a surprise that it's being treated as such, especially that you have a track record already? I understand your husband. To avoid such misunderstandings in the future, it would probably help to share with him who you're talking to. You don't owe it to him to report everything that goes on in your life, but don't you think that it's only natural to share certain things, like the events of your day, the goings-on at work, the people you're in touch with? To be having regular contact with a person for almost a year, at the same time making sure your husband doesn't know about it - don't you think it's just a bit strange? What do YOU think it looks like?

Answer 4

Even though you are just calling to check in, you're still communicating w/ another man behind your hubby's back. Almost could be classified as an emotional affair. Which, as we all know, leads to more.
I would cease contact with this guy and focus on hubby and your marriage. If you don't, you might lose what you have.

Answer 5

You should have mentioned it to him now you look suspect. I would tell him if he cares so much to know about the guy to call him up. If your not guilty then that shouldn't be a problem.
Being the nitpicker I can be I would also tell him...now that we are digging into stuff hand over your phone dear.

Answer 6

if it were me I would tell him that I shouldn't be sorry for something I didn't do. Hate to say this but maybe he is feeling even more guilty for other reasons. In my relationship with my BF we have no secrets from each other I think I know him better than his mother. I also trust him enough to go out and do whatever with his friends with out questions. Good luck on explainning

Answer 7

I don't know your reasons for keeping contact. When I keep in touch with people I used to work with, I call it networking. There is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 8

You are playing with fire and eventually will burn yourself. Your marriage definitely is not stable. He has cheated on you in the past and you maybe are trying to push the envelope, trying to piss your husband off, trying to show him off. If you both want to successful marriage then stop acting like kids...... Trust and respect is earned, but it taken for granted when given for free.

Answer 9

If you say you have had nothing more than minimal contact then no, that's not cheating, I wonder that you didn't tell him about it but it is your right to have some privacy as an adult. He is trying to put his guilt on to you, but if you have forgiven him then he should not feel the need to do that.

Answer 10

Well thats true u dont know about who he speaks to at work. But as long as theres nothing between u n ex coworker, then do it in front of hubby that way he can see for himself. I dont see anything wrong with it as long as thats all that is spoke of, work things, whatcha been up to lately kinda things, but anything beyond that shouldnt b happening. So i say do it in front of him to prove to him.