I have been with my amazing guy for 2 and a half years now. Since the day we met he has been doing everything for me. Even if i want to do it myself. If i'm sitting on the couch and i say "i'm going to get a glass of water, you want anything" he jumps up says "ILL GET IT" and runs into the kitchen and gets my glass of water. If i'm cooking he stands there and watches me and asks if he can stir the food or if i need any help. Now, i know i am lucky to have such a helpful guy but it makes his mother think that i control him and make him do everything. When we are at his family's house he is constantly doing everything for me and i try to do things myself he just doesn't let me. I have a bunch of cats and he always changes their litter and gives them fresh water, he cleans the house while i'm at work. When i talk to him about this he says "i'm just trying to make your life easier" my life is already easy though i'm only 21 w/ no kids and an easy good paying job.
2007-08-17 04:34:49 · 24 answers · asked by Beeg 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can i get him to let me do things myself?
What can i say to him that will make him realize that he does not have to be my slave for me to love him?
2007-08-17 04:35:22 · update #1
You need to go find the Book - The Five Languages of Love.....His Love Language to you is SERVICE......He serves you and he needs for you to serve him.....He needs to be your focus not serving yourself.....This man Loves you......KEEP HIM!!!
These are the Languages
Service
Quality Time
Touch
Affirmation
Gifts
2007-08-17 04:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you appreciate all that he does for you, but you want to do the same for him sometimes. If he jumps up to get you something when you go to do it, tell him that the best thing he can do for you right now is sit back down on the couch. It may sound rude at first, but it lets him know right then that you have it under control and you want to do it yourself. Soon he'll realize that it can be just at much fun in a give-and-take relationship than just a give relationship.
2007-08-17 11:51:04 · answer #2 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you try to do something that you want to do and he offers, tell him thank you, but no, you want to do it. This type of behavior will become smothering soon and you will try to flee from it. Talk to him and tell him that he is making you feel helpless and very dependent on him and that is not a good thing. Tell him how much you love that he wants to do things for you, but that you need to be able to do things for yourself and without offending him. Tell him to pull back some and give you some space, but that you do not want him to just stop everything. He is probably been around someone that never did that for his wife or girlfriend and heard he complain all the time about never getting any help and has gone to the extreme in the other direction.
2007-08-17 11:50:07 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You complain now....but when you finally get him to stop, you are going to miss it and may start posting things like "does he still love me" and "he isn't the sweet guy I met" I say enjoy it while it lasts cause if you plan on having kids you sure could use it then! And take some of the other advice...don't announce what you want and he won't jump. I complained and now he doesn't do all those sweet things anymore and I do miss it.
2007-08-17 11:52:08 · answer #4 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHA!! Even though I know you feel very fortunate that you have a guy that will do everything for you- you have to draw the line somewhere. I say just get up and do it. Don't say anything. If he asks what you are doing just say I will be right back and do it. Maybe after awhile he will stop doing things quite as often.
2007-08-17 11:49:17 · answer #5 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guy uses "acts of service" to express his love. A lot of guys express themselves in this way. He does things for you as a means of saying he loves you. It's possible that by trying to not let him do so much for you that he will feel rejected. So, enjoy it for what it is. When it gets annoying, try to remember why he's doing it, and above all, always show appreciation for his little(or big) acts of kindness. Do check out the website. It's very interesting!
2007-08-17 12:00:10 · answer #6 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try just getting him a glass of water when he doesn't even ask for it. That way you don't have to argue to get him to let you do something, but you still show him you don't mind doing it and don't feel put out by it. I think you handled it well by telling him you appreciate it, but it's not necessary instead of being irritated and saying "I'm not 2, OK? I'm a big girl, and I can do it by myself." Or, "hey, I'm going to the restroom, do you think I need help?". Just do something for him without him asking for it. Sometimes those kind of people, no matter how sweet they are, don't realize it really is OK to let someone do something for them instead of the other way around. Show him how good it feels to have balance instead of one person doing it all. You have to just take the initiative instead of relying on talk (that's how it is with most men, unfortunately (the opposite of your case), we usually have to be creative to get them out of their recliners, lol).
2007-08-17 11:44:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Suthern R but also with those who whould have you enjoy it. Chances are, it will be difficult to change your boyfriend through conversation (or possibly any other way). You've made your feelings known, now let him be who he is. Use the time that he's freeing up for you to do something creative, or something you've always wanted to do.
If you still feel smothered, you may have to find someone who's more independant.
Good luck.
2007-08-17 12:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by Terra Nova R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know i have the same problem i am probably the only women , i know that tells my husband "stop cooking for me, doing my laundry, grocery shopping and running to the store whenever i need something". who knows some guys were just raised that way....i guess, alot of people say i control my husband too, but he says "if i didn't want to do these things for you, than i would not do them , so screw what anyone else says"
2007-08-17 11:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What!!! Does he have any brothers and can I trade my husband in for one of them!!! Girl, stop complaining! You are blessed. But if it bothers you that much don't say anything just go do and get stuff that you want. He won't have a chance to jump up and do it for you! If I were you I wouldn't care what his mother thinks. If it ain't broke don't fix it! Damn, you're lucky as hell!! LOL!
2007-08-17 11:56:13 · answer #10 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋