do you think that fairy tales instill unreasonable expectations for relationships, which may lead to divorce?

Question

okay, hear me out!
we (esp women) are told fairy tales during our childhoods about true love & knights in shining armor that come to the rescue and of living happily ever after, with little or no effort--esp from the "damsel" if you notice, prince charming always has to overcome some type of obstacle (not a realistic one, but something)...

so do you think this unattainable goal that we've had instilled in us since childhood (effortlessly happily ever after) has anything to do with being dissatisfied with marriage or relationships in general? i know, it's just a fairy tale... but at some point it was a dream for most little girls, a dream we have to wake up from if we hope to have a genuine relationship.

maybe some don't truly wake up from this dream?

maybe some truly think that "true love" from "prince charming" will come & sweep them away & "rescue them", & without any effort on their part, they will "live happily ever after"?

brewmaster--no. i'm saying that expectations instilled into young girls by fairy tales need to be let go, and SOME people MAY not have completely done so... even some men may still beleive that they must play a Prince charming role...

shannon, uh, DUH! that's what i'm saying here.

SuperRuper- yes, they don't show the years, where the effort must be put in. they just gloss over that part & say "happily ever after" as if there was nothing to it...

i'm not saying to "blame the childhood" i'm saying that the EXPECTATIONS that one builds as they grow should be reexamined as adults.

"women can't victimize themselves and blame their childhood for their relationship problems now" i don't even see how you could come up with this!
what i'm saying is that people should take accountability for relationship problems & perhaps look to their expectations as a potential source of inner conflict.

lol...kendrick! i love that show! very stereotypical though...
all i'm REALLY trying to say is that perhaps people's expectations (partially formed by fairy tales--the aspect i'm focusing on now) of the opposite sex & relationships may be a cause for conflict, and divorce...

Rainbow-yes, i've heard that! i haven't actually read many of them. it's odd that they USED to contain life lessons, but as Super Ruper pointed out, they've lost that aspect. they've been reduced to nothing but silly, chiffon covered drivel.

lol, gugliamo, do you feel better after that rant??
you obviously didn't read my entire post.

btw, fairy tales have been recently CHANGED, as Rainbow pointed out. before then they were MUCH different.

Answer 1

I think unrealistic dreams cause most of the depression in this world. We should always strive to live an ideal life, but should learn to accept reality as well. It's not always easy, but the alternative causes a great deal of pain too.

Answer 2

I have 2 daughters, and even though they dressed up in princess dresses as little girls, and watched all the Disney movies (still do on occasion) they now ( at ages 12 & 14) realize that a fairy tale is a fairy tale, and that no one's life turns out the way it does in stories. Truth is, real life experiences, which often involve overcoming obstacles and challenges, have a much greater impact on how they view life than storybooks.

Mabe it's just me and the values I have instilled in my daughters, but I don't see fairy tales as having a significant impact on relationship expectations.
Just my opinion.

Answer 3

Yes, I had a roommate who wanted to be a princess and not do anything in her relationship. She also chose a metrosexual and he turned out to be gay. Now she is bitter and depressed all the time. She comes from a divorced family.

Me? I really don't think I will ever get married, because I have extremely high expectations. Unless I meet an exceptional person I'll settle for being sad & lonely forever. Everyone hopes to be whisked off their feet. A lot of guys I've met are drunks, hate children, and go against what I believe. Who wants a guy like that?

Answer 4

Once you get married, you've pretty much lived the "ending" of the little girl fairy tale. You've found who you think is your prince charming (and maybe he is, or maybe he isn't.) Either way, you get married and become that "princess". For all we know, Snow White could have divorced Prince Charming and ran away with "Grumpy"... I am very fortunate to have never been taken by these "fairy tale". I know that my "Prince" has flaws and that there is ALWAYS the possibility that it might not work out. Relationships are difficult, but women can't victimize themselves and blame their childhood for their relationship problems now. At that point, women are GROWN UP and have experienced far more in the past years than what they experienced during that "fairy tale" stage.

Answer 5

Merry meet Draecoiram,
My grandmother always said: "Hope for the best, but expect the worst" and that is a good attitude to go through life any which way. It's not only fairy tales, but movies, Hollywood-stars, the media-circus in general that raise expectations to a level where you would have to be super-natural to reach them.
The Pagan handfasting is an excellent tool to overcome these kinds of expectations. If you want to know if your prince is really a prince, the Pagan handfasting ritual allows you to try him out for a year and one day. If you don't want him after that, he can take his white donkey and leave. And this is a very realistic obstacle to overcome.
Brightest blessings,
Kerian
PS: If you are going through tough times, don't hesitate to send me an email.

Answer 6

If you notice, the fairy tale ends with the sweeping up...it doesn't show years after the fact.

My other problem with fairy tales is that you may meet your Prince Charming...but nobody ever explained the reality that HE may not want US.

Unrealistic, indeed...but still sweet little stories that are enjoyable to watch. Just ensure that when raising a little girl, you don't point to the fairy tales as life lessons...

Answer 7

I hated those fairy tales. Girls were helpless and didn't get to do much, just like those awful books about Dick and Jane. See dick run. See dick jump. See jane sit. Ugh. And a lot of times, those fairy tales ended badly, and women were the evil ones. Humpty Dumpty couldn't get back together again. Mothers abandoned kids, witches were women who wanted to build cake houses to lure children so they could bake and eat kids. What lovely stories. I'm impatient. I wasn't going to wait for prince charming, I was going to go on adventures myself. If I met someone else who wanted to go on adventures with me, good otherwise, too bad!

Answer 8

Yes, because they often portray unrealistic all accepting love, and care, and women in a submissive role. I think that when it comes to reality, that there is much which is still patriarchial in our society which is not reflected in the fairy tales, in otherwords, reality causes one gender role over another, male (patriarchial) or female (matriarchial) privelege, power and control, and that doesnt allow for the full person to emerge as whole. So the fairy tales are not real, but it would be nice...reality is we want someone to love us unconditionally. we want the fairy tale and it is not so when we get in there and have to sift through generations of unsolved and unexpressed grief and denial of feelings and then put it on our partner. We have to come as whole people and submit our love to each other while balancing it with individualism....
and that is tougher than the tales present...
We are often told to be seen and not heard, to not have an opinion, belief, or feeling that is our own. This sets us up for abuse. So fantasy is far from reality. We must learn to be real and loving too and accept each other in real terms. I think the fantasy sets women (men) too into roles which cannot be accomplished and often create an ideal woman or man which is not us....then our partner expects this, sets this up, and then rages when we are not Cinderalla or Prince Charming. We are just ourselves and very special.

Answer 9

What’s interesting is that European fairy tales don’t all have the happy ending. Little Red Riding Hood got eaten by the wolf, etc.

Fairy tales were originally designed to teach us life lessons, like (to use Little Red Riding Hood) to not go into the woods by yourself if you’re a little girl. Or not to talk to the ogre that lives under the bridge. There are ogres that live under the bridges in today’s time that I would not want children to talk to.

It is unfortunate that the fairy tales were “cleansed” to make them more palatable for a Disney cartoon movie. The life lessons are gone, and some little girls grow up waiting for Prince Charming to save them.

I wait for no one.

Answer 10

Well, I certainly feel sorry for those girls who believe in fairy tales because real life is going to smack them in the face real hard.
They should see that mommy and daddy's divorce is more likely going to be their reality as well, especially if they don't get their heads out of their...um Grimms'.