Nothing there when my husband kisses me..?

Question

If you were in a rocky marriage almost on the verge of divorce but you still loved your husband and he wanted to work things out & u think u do too but when you kiss there is nothing on your end what would you do?One reason y marrige is on rocks is b/c husband never showed affection and was one sided in the bedroom. He also never appreciated anything that I did for him. So after years of being depressed I had an affair.. I know not right thing to do at all! but I really fell in love with other guy. I dont know who I should be with. Here is my real question. not only am I unsure and weak minded but the other is sterile and unable to have children, something I want so badly. Should that even be a factor in my decision?

Answer 1

if you want children really badly it's something you have to consider because if your dream is to have them and you can't you might be just as depressed as you are now but it'll just be with a different guy a few years from now.

If I were you I'd go to marriage counselling and try to rekindle the romance before I called it quits.

Answer 2

Grow up and take your vows seriously. You don't feel anyting when you kiss your husband because you are still wrapped up in this other dude. Tell yourself you can't be with him and then work on your marriage. Don't consider leaving as an option. You have been a real crappy wife and you need to start being a good person and partner.

Either start acting and treating your husband with respect or get out. He deserves better. You name all the bad things he has done to make you cheat, but I'm sure for every bad thing he did there was a dozen great things he did. Look for the positive instead of always focusing on negative.

Answer 3

you can't have 2 relationships at the same time and then be shocked that you are having confusing feelings. The reason you feel there is nothing there when you kiss is because he's not the only one you're kissing. You are thinking of someone else and of your resentment towards him.

I think you need to work things out with your husband but to answer your question about someone being sterile I guess it should be a factor in your decision if it's something you want that bad.

Answer 4

You've been unhappy for so long. The love and passion you had with your husband is gone. Everyone can talk sh it about you and insult you calling you every name in the book, but they haven't been in your shoes. The righteous ones will claim to have been there and that they got a divorce before dating someone else. Yeah right. For so long you stayed in a loveless marriage, and never strayed. Now that you found someone that makes you feel alive again, you don't want to let that feeling go, cause you've been without for so long. Bottom line is that you deserve to be happy. I will warn you though, don't jump into thinking this other guy is the love of your life, because he makes you feel amazing. It's new, and that feeling is always there with someone new, but be sure it's real, or it'll fade quick. Again, follow your heart AND BE HAPPY! Life is too short.

Answer 5

You must have known he wasn't affectionate ,unless you and he never dated before marrying.Sometimes we women know things about a man before we marry him but like to think he will change.Men who are not affectionate don't know how to give what they've never had or seen.I too was in such a relationship and for years tried to explain what I needed but my needs were never met or really considered.I had to shut that sexual relationship down for without the affection I needed I was wilting like an unattended garden.When a man who has no experience with affection tries to give you what you want, it still feels awkward so in time it could still be bad.Personally I want a man who affection comes to naturally.I try to show my grandsons much hugs and kisses so that when they find a woman to love they won't fear being kissed or hugged and vice versa.

Answer 6

Try marriage counseling with your husband. Don't see the other guy till you try to work on your marriage and know it isn't going to work out. If you still feel the same way. Then you need to divorce your husband before going into another relationship with this other man....And by the way you can always adopt a child if you decide to stay with the lover.......

Answer 7

Nothing is there because you haven't contributed anything to this for a long, long time. Don't blame him. You're the one who went out and found someone else. The only way there is ever anything anywhere is when YOU put it in the relationship. Make things right with your husband and stop looking for Hollywood fairy tales that don't exist. Your poor husband.

Answer 8

You have more problems than a termite in the petrified forest. You cheat, you say you still love your husband (whatever), say you love the other guy (not likely) and you are worried about having children? Tell you what, you need to get your head straight and you life straight before you go and have any kids, they do not deserve to be brought into a world with all the confusion you have swirling around you.

Answer 9

I'd leave, but then again they don't call me Gypsy for nothing.
I too was in a very similar relationship, but add in abuse to the equation. That aside, he was very accusatory about the fact that I couldn't have children, some which I could not help; though now I realize that it was his way of pushing me away, to justify his selfishness. He wanted children badly and adoption for him wasn't an option. So, see ya...

Answer 10

Marriage takes presidence over all else. You failed your commitment once by allowing yourself to get involved with someone else. You are getting a rare second chance. If you keep chasing excitement, you will never understand true love and commitment and will never be satisfied for very long with anyone.