I AM WORTHWHILE. (poem)?

Question

I am worthwhile. i am beautiful, no matter what they say. I am the source of birth i produce a baby. I am a strong young woman, my head held high, a small little bird, but i already fly. I am graceful, delicate, smart, and powerful. God made me this way and i am very honorful. Others may not see my inner beauty because they only look at the out, i shine bright like the stars, my heart is what im about. Women dont let men treat you as a little bowl, that they can use and then wash out, be a woman, head held high thats what a womans all about. I am a real young woman and i know im worth alot. So over all the hate, and the depression i shall trod, no weapon formed against me prospers just as my savior said. I wont let any little playa put me to bed.






So do you like?

more comments please keep em comin

Answer 1

I think I understand what you are trying to say and I like it. It shows how you are on the inside and nobody had better take that away, not even any guys who might want you for their own purpose. Keep it up. Even this guy understands some of what women want.

Answer 2

Some great thoughts in this poem! A positive message that women of all ages need to remember.

As a writing teacher I want to give you honest feedback, for this is what you have asked for, and I just don't believe in empty praise. Take what you can to improve your writing, but don't take it personally.

Understandably this forum doesn't allow you to present a poem the way it should be, but the way it is written really affects the flow and movement of words and ideas. 'Honorful' is not a real word, and limits the flow. There is definitely a rhyme scheme - formatting the poem will allow it to be more visible. You don't necessarily have to continue it throughout, but consider being more consistent with the rhyming. The poem is largely written from a first person perspective, except for the line that reads "Women don't let men...a woman's all about" - this is third person and again, breaks the continuum of ideas. Use the same tone, but from a 1st person point of view. Your diction (use of words) is interesting, especially since there is some contrast. For example, the words 'shall trod' and 'saviour' seem formal and old, while words like 'hate' (in this context) and 'playa' are much more modern. Again, being more consistent can give your poem a stronger impact. Sort of how being a strong worthwhile woman is an old idea, one that dates back to Victorian times, and yet the struggle to maintain dignity as a beautiful, young woman who makes her own choices, including the one not to just go to bed with any guy...this struggle is modern and loaded with a lot of negativity, often from outsiders (male or female).

From my personal experience, and from working with my senior students, the best writing is planted with the best ideas...but these pieces need revision and honest critique to blossom into a work others can behold and enjoy. Please take my criticism as support for your continued writing and growth as a young woman of the pen.

Answer 3

It's great right up to the last line. The word "playa" changes the whole attitude of it. You could just delete the last line and have a great poem there.

Answer 4

i really like it. I think its great but i agree the last sentence you could have left out. I'm not big on poetry but if you wrote more i would definitely want to read them. You Go Girl.

Answer 5

great poem........in the last line do you mean "player" or is "playa" the way you want to spell it?

Answer 6

Yes,in a way but the end kills the sweetness.