My husband met some of his siblings (father's side) and his father 5 years ago, I found them. In the last year the oldest of the siblings has become really close to my husband and some accusations have come out. Calling each other all day for months, talking ugly about me, inappropriate speaking to each other etc.(caught them on tape, no sex mentioned, but talked like lovers or they were in love) After I accused them of an affair (of course they denied it), he would not speak to me for 5 months and was moving out. We are trying to reconcile now (since April) but he has changed. It is like the passion and desire he had for me (which began to chang when he was talking/hanging around her alot) is gone. He does not call me (called 3 times a day for 11 years) he calls her everyday now. I feel bad if they are innocent, but they were a littel too close. Others saw it as well, but never mentioned it. The fact that he is calling her everyday still eats at me, how do I get past it, for me?
2007-08-17 02:55:46 · 18 answers · asked by peaches8866 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks everyone, but I have tried to talk to him, he says that is my sister and you are not going to tell me I cannot talk to her. You aer insecure and have accused me of incest, give me a break. He tells me I need a therapist, but I was not the one telling my brother how much I love them and calling them "My sweet sweet baby" and her telling him that we better you protection because she would not put it past me to get pregnant and THEY were not going to have that...he said we were fighting a lot and she was just watching out for him....and if I have a problem with it then too bad. She is my sister and you got issues ! I am a nervous wreck 24/7 and he has changed. He is less attracted to me, cold a lot (not all the time) should I give up?
2007-08-17 03:31:03 · update #1
I honestly don't see any way to reconcile this, sorry. Just get the divorce and live your life.
2007-08-17 03:00:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
I read your other questions for some background. It seems like you two are, not only on different pages, but different chapters in your book of life. You need to reconnect.
I don't know if his relationship with his sister is inappropriate or not. He may have turned to her, because he didn't feel like he could talk to you. Now that you are ready and willing, he feels like you should have been ready when he was and now he's not sure if he wants to put in the effort. I do agree that he needs to confide less in his sister and more to you. He has sort of replaced you with her. At least on an emotional level, and for whatever reason, she is OK with it.
You two need to have a serious heart to heart. You wont' be able to work this out unless you are both on the same page, willing and wanting to make it work. Whatever happened in the past has to stay there, and you need to start fresh, but if either one of you aren't willing, then it's time to seriously consider a separation and then divorce. I would separate first to see if it's what you both really want to do before starting the divorce process. I don't know if this is something you can do without some kind of intervention with a counselor or pastor. It seems it has gotten to the point of no communication between you. You're going to need some help to open those lines up again, but if he isn't willing to try, then it's over.
2007-08-17 03:48:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, after making such an accusation, what did you expect from him? If I were to throw such an accusation at my partner, then if he had reacted nicely about it, I would conclude that I am right, now if he is angry, which he'd have every right to be if I am wrong, or he could be pretending.
So, basically, one way or the other, unless you have solid evidence of such a fact, you should have refrained from saying them, as they are hurtful and difficult to forgive.Besides, you said that to brothers and sisters who have found each other and have grown very close to each other.
Then yes, if I were your husband, I'd tell you to seek professional help. For you to have thought such a thing about me would turn me off you!
So, you are in a difficult position indeed. Some brothers and sisters are very close to each other, and very protective of each other . Like some mothers can be of their son, and yes, it can be stiffling!
But, would you accuse your mother in law even if she were too intefering and possessive of sleeping with her son, and if the son takes his mother's side, would you go as far as throwing such an accusation at him??? No, you would never.
So, I think that if you still love him, you have to try and understand the way those two function.
It might just be the fact that they had lost each other for all those years, that brings them so close to each other, and it might have calmed down, but your nagging and accusations may jhave ust intensify the relationship and make all three of you paranoid.
I'd hate to have such a sister in law, but as you know, the more you nag your husband about his family, the worst effect it has. So, you should think about what YOU want to do.
Maybe, it is time to get out of the relationship indeed, since it is making you physically ill and such a bad atmosphere has developped now, lack of trust, anger and disgust.
Your sister in law would probably be happy to see your marriage fail, but maybe not for the reasons you think. I wouldn't think it's to steal your husband, but more because she'd be the one in control.
So, if you can put yourself together, and truly observe them when they are together, maybe you might realise that you were mistaken. It doesn't mean that it is right, but it could be one of those possessive family trends.
Otherwise, take some time apart, to think calmly of what your expectations are for your marriage, and to lick your wounds, and probably you'll find out what you want to do: Continue and fight for your marriage if it's still salvable or divorce.
Also, you should with or without your husband go and see a marriage counsellor, it would help you clear your mind and make your decision more easily.
Good luck.
2007-08-17 03:51:31 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband has no regard for you as his wife. Even though you can't prove that he has physically cheated, he has emotionally cheated on you. The only way to reconcile is he has to stop talking to that other girl all together and focus on his marriage to you. If he is not willing to do that then that should tell you that you are not that important to him. I think you should try some professional counseling first before you make any extreme decisions. Good luck!!
2007-08-17 03:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by Shelley 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he is going to up and leave you so easily like that just for an argument and not try to solve it...than there are suspicions going on. I say, if he is ready to just close you out from his relationship with his family and have hideous things to say about you to his supposedly half sister, then you shouldn't have to get past it. A husband marries his wife and leaves his family for her. Therefore, now he has his own family (YOU) to think about above anybody else!!! Don't compromise your position as his wife for his sister. That's extremely obvious what they are doing...
2007-08-17 03:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by dr. phillian here.. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think once you marry someone you make a vow to stand by that person no matter what. They become your family and I think they should be put before anyone else, except maybe your children.
2016-04-01 19:54:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your jealousy ruined your marriage,, come on!! do you really think he would sleep with his sister? That is the only question you need to ask yourself and that question is, is my hubby a sick sob that would sleep with his sister, well would he? If my hubby threw accusations around that i was sleeping with my brother i wouldn't speak to him either and it would be a lot longer than 5 months a lot longer.
2007-08-17 03:11:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get out now....there is too much drama.......sounds like a Jerry Springer Show.
If he chooses his HALF-sister over you somethings got to be wrong.......I understand shes blood but come on now if hes unhappy he needs to leave you alone an go on with his in- breeding. That's gross.....just try and move on with your life....don't call him....make him call you......and when you talk to him try really hard to make it seem like it doesn't bother you.......in the mean time go get some counseling and try to move on with your life
2007-08-17 03:51:33 · answer #8 · answered by oklasoonersgrl 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He would not speak to you for 5 months? He calls his half sister every day...oogy...and and they talked ugly about you? Wow; why on earth would you try to fix that relationship. Ok, you're married, but he's obviously not into you anymore. If you have no passion or desire for eachother, you may as well be roommates.
2007-08-17 03:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
can yu 2 seek counseling? having a nuetral person involved may help the 2 of you
2007-08-17 03:07:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
There is obviously something going on between those two.. u are out of the picture at this point, he wants to be with her.
2007-08-17 03:25:43 · answer #11 · answered by Haidee 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋