What Can I Do to Save My Marriage? I didn't show my wife that much affection as I should have.?

Question

My mother don't like My Wife And that Has Caused confusion in our Marriage and other siblings. I love my wife with all my heart , she said I put her down and caused her to have low self Esteem. Some times when you argue with some one sometimes you to say things that you don't mean. We have two kids together We've bend married since we where eighteen years old the first 4 years of our marriage was great but the next 5 years was rocky. My wife said i give other women more complaments and not her I only did that only three times and that was it . To me my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. I told her that I'm going to change but she will not give me a chance to prove it. I really love this woman she mean the world to me. I just dont Know what to do.

Answer 1

It's one thing for you to tell her you are going to change, but you need to show her. Actions speak louder than words. Is she comfortable and willing to get some professional counseling for your marriage. That always helps a great deal. You need to patient during this time. Stop complimenting all those other women so much and focus on your wife. Do things for her that she likes. Marriage is not easy but it's through the hard times that if you can make it through them will bring you that much closer together. You guys are a team. Take her to a nice dinner and and just talk to her. Good luck!

Answer 2

You need to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Women like attention, even from their couch potatoe husband. I think alot of men get too comfortable in the marriage and take the woman for granite even though they don't realize they do it. You talk to the man and he says they have a happy stable relationship, then you hear the woman's side and she has been miserable for years and he doesn't have a clue. Do little things for her and try not to put her down. Compliment the things she is good at and tell her how much you truely appreciate her. You sound sincere and have children involved so I think your marriage is worth working on for sure. Also you need to tell your mother how much you love your wife and that you never want to be without her. You should stand up for your wife, even to your mother.
Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

A wife needs to know that she's the most important woman in your life-not your mother,sister, or any other woman. Women are emotional. They thrive on attention and affetcion; compliments ect... Who else is going to tell your wife that she's beautiful, smells good, looks great. ect.? Does she take good care of you and your children? Cook, clean, laundry, any extra's? Have you told her that you appreciate her? Sometimes men tend to take these things for granted. A woman is a help mate in life-she does things because she loves her husband and her family.When she doesn't get anything in return, she feels she's taken for granted and things are done out of duty rather than love. You said you told your wife you would change? Don't tell her-SHOW HER!! It takes 21 days to make or break a habit, walk the talk!!! She might see that you're honestly going to change. If she decides to stay, don't go back to your old habits-women want to believe in their husbands and when they let them down time after time they get resentful and figure what's the use. About your mother, you didn't marry your mother. Some mothers feel no one will ever be good enough for their children, but you must have thought otherwise- because you did get married to the woman you loved and are trying to desperately keep. Good luck.

Answer 4

Listen to Shelley, above me -- she has some good advice.

I just want to address this "you say things that you don't mean" thing. Of course, everyone has in his life said something he doesn't mean. So you did it once, no big deal -- it's completely forgivable. But then you did it again. OK, fine, it's getting annoying but still also forgivable. Then you did it a third time. What's up with that? Are you unable to learn? The fourth time suggested a pattern of behavior. The fifth time confirmed it. And still you kept doing it, and still do it to this day as demonstrated by your clear attempt to justify it as normal within your question.

The fact of the matter is that we do NOT have to say things we don't mean if we choose not to do so. I would assert that a very powerful reason why my wife and I are happily married after 21 years is that we both put out the effort it took to teach ourselves not to say things we did not mean. Life is hard enough hearing only true things. Adding made-up or exaggerated crap to that just doesn't make any sense.

Answer 5

Sometimes, it really is too late. You took her for granted way too many times. Maybe, just maybe she hasn't become indifferent to you. After a while, you lose the affection for someone who keeps putting you down, or placing you at the bottom of his priority list. If she's really made up her mind, and feels it in her heart that she's leaving, there's not much you can do. If she gives you an ounce of hope, then do what ever it takes, and most importantly, don't just say you've changed, prove it to her every day.

Answer 6

You have a lot of making up to do, don't you? Why is it so hard for a man to compliment his wife? Why do we always treat the ones we love most like shi*? Not only should you tell her how you feel about her, but you should also show her. Buy her some flowers and attach a card that says all those things you should have been telling her. Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, you need to cut the apron strings and tell your mom and siblings to take a hike. Stick up for her! You're married now with a family of your own. They should come first, and be most important.

And what's up with you complimenting other women?? Hello, you're a married man! No wonder she has a low self esteem. You've been purposely mean to her.

You have some serious sucking up to do. You need to let her know that you will talk to your family and tell them to shut up. She needs to see you stick up for her. She needs attention, and not the fake kind. If you really want to keep her, you need to realize that this is no short term deal. You will be making up to her for a long long time. It sounds like she's been really hurt by you .If you're serious, sit her down and talk about it. Ask her what she needs from you. Suggest counseling.

I do applaud you that you want to be a man, step up and fix what you've done. You owe her that.

Answer 8

just give it some time, but chances are its not all your fault, no one can cause someone to have a low self worth, she already had it way back when. if she will not give u a chance than don't force it, maintain your dignity, meaning never beg her because u won't win any awards with her by doing that. we all say and do things we don't mean, i am sure she has done it to u also. your not all to blame here, shes just looking for an excuse to lay all of the blame onto u, and its rarely just one person's fault. u might want to get the thing between her and your mom under control, even if u have to talk to mom, or avoid mom for awhile.

Answer 9

Over theses last years you have shown your wife she is not important ..She looks at you as non reliable....She knows now that if something dramatic were to happen you would not be by her side .She has lost faith in you due to the way you have treated her . You had time . I t didn't happen overnight . You have destroyed her security ...in her.... something everyone needs is loyalty. She doesn't see that in you anymore .She knows now that as she ages you will not be supporting her needs . What you say is not how it is ... Give your wife credit for not being stupiid. The old saying is true ...its not what you say but how you say it ....actions speak louder than words... Sometimes we need to take a real look at ourself and know if things do not change you will loose all ....I hope you make the needed sacrifices to change what you created......GOOD LUCK>...

Answer 10

Saying things you don't mean out of anger can easily be fixed. Always remember the remorse you feel after the fact, when you start to say something ugly to someone and just don't say anything at all. Its not an excuse, if you really love someone you don't want them to hurt or be unhappy for any reason. True love lets them go and be themselves even for the sake of your own happiness.