When I met my husband I weighed about 115lbs, When we got married I had just got out of basic training for the

Question

army and weighed 130lbs (but I still wore the same size clothes), I stayed at about 134lbs for like a year, then got up to 160-got pregnant was 202 when I gave birth, lost 20 and now I am stuck at 184. my husband doesnt seem like he loves me or wants to be with me anymore. I want to lose weight for myself but I dont want to do it for him becuase he should love me no matter what i look like right? what do u all think?

Answer 1

Hey may still love you, but not like your appearance. Adding 60 pounds can be a shock to a guy depending on how it's distributed. My wife put on 50lbs but she's 5'6". I think it looks good on her. I knew after 24 years of knowing her, she would gain weight. She could work on your tummy, but everything else looks just fine to me.

My only concern is what the weight may be doing to her health wise. Other than that, I look right past the belly and still see my lovely girl.

Some men can't adapt to the changes. That does not mean he no longer loves you. Beauty is NOT the physical, rather the whole package. If you are making an effort, he should be grateful. However, if you're sitting around eating junk food and don't even seem to care then why would he?

Answer 2

I understand where you are coming from with this. I too have ballooned up since I have been married, but then so has my husband. My husband and I love each other and show it no matter how much weight we've gained.

Have you talked with him about all this? Open communication is very important in a marriage. Tell him how it makes you feel by saying things like "I feel like you don't love me when you don't" and fill in the blanks. "I feel like you don't want to be with me" and explain why. I realize that may be hard to do, but you won't know until you ask and if you cannot talk openly with him, then there's a problem. I do agree with you he should love you no matter what and really you should not lose weight for him. If anything, lose the weight for yourself. If you are at a weight, that's not healthy and good for you and you are not happy about the weight, then try to lose the weight.

I'm not defending him, but men do have different ways of showing love and emotions differently from women.

L.E.R.

Answer 3

The whole, "he should love me no matter what I look like" cliche does exist. But rather that doesnt mean he will find you attractive no matter what you look like. There are so many health benefits to losing that extra weight. Think about that.

And is the question really that you dont want to do it for him? Or that the road to get where you both want to be is too hard? Losing the weight is too much commitment? Think of it this way.. if you could make it as easy as pushing a button.. would you still hesistate to do it because its what he wants? I feel you might be fishing or reinforcing an excuse.

Just do it, you will both feel better! You especially!

Answer 4

Let's put it right out on the table. People you obviously haven't noticed, men are NOT women! We don't think the same, we don't react the same, we don't feel the same, we don't communicate the same. Let me repeat that so it is clear, MEN ARE NOT WOMEN. A woman is an emotional creature she will think with her heart "If he loves me, he should love me no matter what". It doesn't work like that, sorry. Take a look at men's magazines, have you ever seen one that had Roseanne Barr as a centerfold? How about a sexy workup of Rosie in a teddy? I know this is harsh, but we can still love the person you are but not be physically attracted to the body you have grown into. Sex is a physical thing with men. It's an emotional thing with women. Why do you think women want to cuddle afterwards and men reach for the remote?

You said you didn't want to lose weight for HIM. Why the hell not? Don't you love him? You want him to do anything for you, why aren't you willing to do this for him? You know the "secret", eat less exercise more. Get yourself back in shape not just for selfish you, but for him and your child. Do it now! And quit making excuses as to why you aren't!

Answer 5

The bottom line is, is you should loose weight, regardless of who you are doing for it for. Its healthier for you anyway. I was in the military, too, and was thin then, and 11 years and 2 kids I am still thin, cuz I CHOOSE to be. I spent so much time around these very good looking Marine Corps men and meeting their over weight wives, and thought to myself two things, HOW did HE end up with that? And I never want to be 'the typical military' wife' (my husband was a Marine), fat and lazy. I stay thin cuz that is what my husband fell in love with, and if I fail to sexually arouse him, there a hundred other women who will do the job for me. I want my husband to introduce me to his friends and coworkers and be proud to have a pretty physically fit wife on his arm. Cuz I will be damned if I am gonna have people talk behind my back and say to themselves, "How did such a goodlooking man end up with THAT?"

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you are really whining. If you dont like your weight, then only you can do something about it. I just love these women who complain that their man dont want them anymore, or they are cheating on them. I bet half of them need to look at themselves. Are YOU still sexy, did YOU get too comfortable and get lazy, do YOU keep up your appearance, the list is endless. So, it just seems to me, that you know what the problem is, not get off the computer (cuz that IS NOT exercise) and go and do something about it.

Answer 6

I'm a woman, but I tend to think like men do on many, many issues. I completely agree with your husband. No, he shouldn't be a jerk about it, and no, it should definitely not be cause for divorce, but I would think when you marry someone, you marry them cause you connect physically and emotionally. You had his child. You gave him the most sacred thing anyone can give a man, but you're still the woman in his life that fulfills other needs. He's not physically attracted to you, and no matter who disagrees with me, you have to have physical attraction. You'll lack passion otherwise, and that makes for an empty relationship.

Good for you for wanting to lose weight for yourself. There are many ways to do it. You first need to talk to your husband and tell him if he can't support you, he definitely shouldn't bring you down. You were in the army; you know what it takes. Seems like you're too down in the dumps to get started. Find your motivation, and go for it.

Answer 7

wow I can't believe some of the answers on here.
Honey I agree with you your man should love you for you. The weight changes how you look but doesn't change who you you are on the inside.

When I met my husband I was 95 pounds got pregnant with our fist child I went up to 187 pounds lost a good amount of it in the few months after her birth down to 120 pounds.
Went through a really bad depression and due to medication plus the depo shot went up to 150.
Over the years with changes to the meds I've been on and getting older, I've went up to 180..
Just found out I was pregnant with #2, going to try and not go over 200 pounds, for me not for him.

You know what he told me, that he loves me from the inside out. And that to him i look just as beutiful as I did the day we met.

Oh and to all the ones that said its physical attraction, me and my husband still have sex 5-6 times a week. The weight gain has done nothing at all to decrease his attraction and love for me.

I think your man needs to stop acting like a little boy with his fanatasy girl imgine and look at you like the beutiful adult woman that you are.

Answer 8

People really bash men for having a preference for body size in this forum. I say, don't focus on him, and try to understand his perspective... perhaps he loves you very much but has preconceived ideas about his sexuality.
You couldn't lose it for him anyway.
Try to get up a little earlier and take a nice relaxed walk every morning.. Eat a little smaller portions.. Forget the fad diets.. don't deny yourself. Come up with a "program" for living that works for you and enjoy the process of getting healthier without the pressure of society and your husband.
GOOD LUCK... it's just another challenge.

Answer 9

Hi!
You are right my dear! He should love you regardless of what you weigh! If you want to lose weight do it for you. Sometimes durign a diet, you reach a plateau, where you don't lose any weight. Don't give up, just keep eating healthy and you can cut back on sweets and carbs and loose the weight you are wanting to lose. I know you can do it! I wish you the best of luck!!!!!

Answer 10

My wife weighs 108 pounds, 5 feet. Tight little hot body, love her. She often states that my love for her is not uncondtional because if she weighed 208 pounds I would leave her. Now I do love my wife uncondtionally, her mind, soul, and heart. But if she did weigh 208 pounds I would leave her. And I tell you why? Because if you went from 115 to 184 you can't feel good about yourself. And if you don't feel good about yourself, you can't feel good about your husband. You should want to lose weigt for you and for him, because you should want to look good for him. I know this goes against all of the nice things people like to say....but this is the truth, and no body wants to hear it. You have an obligation to get that body back into US ARMY trained shape. Do it!!!!!!!! For you and him. You had the mental capacity to join the US ARMY, and go through the US ARMY training, but you are on yahoo answers crying like a b**tch, that your husband stopped loving you because you got fat. Well listen here soldier lose the damn weight. I would not want to be in a foxhole with a crying sis like yourself. And for the rst of you yahoo's on here telling her it's ok to be fat, and her husband is a creep, stop watching OPRAH and lose some weight yourself. God..why can't people be more honest on yahoo. We have no obligation as human beings to make people feel peechy. Tell the truth.