Please help me on this issue with dating after a divorce?

Question

HELP I am in need of solid advice?
I dated this girl 4 years ago we broke up she got married to someone for three years and was abused physically and mentally. I moved back from hawaii to be with her as I do love her very much. In the course of the last month her divorce was finalized, he still trys to controll her , and to top it off the company she worked for shut down. I am starting to feel like the whipping post. Told me she wanted to be single and I needed to move out ect.. Do you think this will pass as she has a lot of stress going on right now.
I moved back from hawaii to be with her as that is what we both wanted and now all this has happened. I know you said to butt out but do you mean forget about her and move on. I am by far not the salvation I just know what we have had is good and dont want to lose it. DO you think I am crazy for sticking around?

Please note I am not rushing anything I am willing to wait it out. We have been living with eachother for about 4 months now and all this has happened. I have slowed way down with her but still stay at her house just not in the same room, She still seems to want me in your sons life to some degree as I am giving baths diapers playing outside with him ect. If there wasnt anything there would she let me do this stuff?

Now we had dated prior to her getting married for awhile and now we are back again that says something I would think

let me rephrase her ex doesnt have contol of her he is basically just trying to make her life hell
she is definetly over him for sure

Answer 1

Divorce is a very stressful process. You just need to give her the time she is requesting. She needs to heal and needs to spend some time alone. She doesn't need to jump from a bad marriage to a relationship, it's not healthy for her and it could end up making a good thing with you guys turn ugly. She is very sensitive right now with everything that has gone on. It will pass. For you, I would say just live your life and have fun. You can be a friend to her which is what she needs more than anything. If it's really meant to be it will happened when it's supposed to and you won't even have to try. Good luck.

Answer 2

Wow...tough situation. I think that maybe she is still feeling the effects of her last relationship. She may not have been ready to jump back into a commited relationship although she may have seemed to want it at one time. She might not have realized how hard it would be to recover from her 3 years in a horrifying marriage. You have been there for her when she needed you and she may not be able to return the favor right now.

She will need A LOT of time to get him out of her system (victims of abuse cannot rid themselves of the memory for years) and it's up to you to decide if you are willing to wait and see if she can move on and concentrate on you. It sounds like you both went into this situation wholeheartedly but the reality of living together while she's trying to regain control of her life may be too much for her to deal with. She may feel that would be easier to do on her own.

I don't think you are crazy to stick around...give it some time. Make sure you express to her that you know she's going thru a lot right now and that you want to be there for her. Without pressure tell her how great of a thing you think you two could have and that you truly want to work on making it happen. It's hard for a woman (or man) to feel secure, confident and trusting again with anyone after a person she loved completely destroyed her that way in the past. She may not know a good thing if it hit her on the head at this point. Let her know exactly what and how you feel, as honestly as possible. As long as you do that you can be secure with the knowledge that you truly tried your best. Good luck to you both...

Answer 3

after a divorce there is some adjustment period, maybe u bit off more than u could chew here, trying to fix everything for her, if the ex still has control it usually means she is not over him. i think it may not be the right time to begin this relationship with a new divorcee, as she could always go back with the ex and leave u hanging out to dry. don't invest too much into this woman, because if she truly loved u she wouldn't be wanting u gone. perhaps she is still having a rough time, when people are abused sometimes not even the best person with good intentions can make a difference, personally i would go back to where i left, why be a whipping post like u said if u feel like one than u are one.

Answer 4

Men have a tendenancy to want to be the white knight.... they will ride into battle to save the damsel in distress, and some guys will stick around to fight the dragon... even if the girl appears to not want their help.

She told you that she wanted to be single. She's coming out of an abusive relationship... so even if she WANTED to be with you, she'd have a hard time of it since she hasn't taken the time to heal from her bad experience.

I hate to say this.......... but you aren't the guy for her. You are both in different places mentally. You want a relationship... you want to be there for her... but she needs time and space. Heck, even if she wanted to try and have a relationship, I can tell you from experience that dating the newly single is tough.

Give her a hug.... tell her that she'll always be special to you, and that you'll hold a place in your heart for her.... and walk away. What you HAD was good......... what you have now... not so much....

Answer 5

i could pass on. Face it: if he's been separated for 2 years, and you adult males have been relationship for 2 years - you're his rebound. likely, the clarification why he needs to attend "to verify he's not making yet another mistake", is that with the aid of fact he feels deep down that he has made a mistake already via deceptive you into questioning he replaced into interested in marrying you in any respect. Now he probably would not understand the thank you to get out of it gracefully. the themes along with his ex and his baby complicate the image. that's comprehensible that once making an investment 2 years into this relationship, you opt for it to artwork out; yet, IMO, you is often dropping a while sticking around from now on after he replaced into very sparkling approximately his destiny plans. It merely feels to me that if somebody makes use of the "i choose for to attend to verify i'm not making a mistake" line, it in fact skill "you're o.k. on the instant, yet i believe that it can be a mistake for me to marry you; i'm specific if I wait, some thing extra advantageous will come alongside".

Answer 6

with all that has happen from what you said and being in an abusive relationship it will pass and she dose need sometime. it is probably hard for her to trust anyone at this point and to lose her job. she will tell you when she needs you to hold her up from the storm she is in. just hang in there. if she loves you then you just have you understand what's going on with her and and the effect it is having in her mentally and physically. just hang in there. love will prevail.

Answer 7

You shouldn't be dating her, let alone shacking up. She needs a good year after a divorce to get herself together, and she should NOT be involving her son in this type of relationship with you. Red flags, dude. Move out.

Answer 8

Feeling like you're being tied to the whipping post isn't a good thing when it comes to relationships. Unless you really are tied to one and you guys are into BDsM.hehehe
Why do people want to be with someone who doesn't want them?!?...I don't get that at all! Buddy, I'd pack my sh!t and find me a woman who knows what she wants, cause it doesn't sound like you really have a good thing.

Answer 9

Why don't both of you move? That way her ex will have no way of trying to ruin her life. Ask her if it would be something that would interest her.

Answer 10

give her some times. why you u are so rushing to make a relationship. she was abused maybe she still in trauma to man. be gentle , time will show her the truth