okay i just wrote a few minutes ago about what my husband did and his whole secret life and what not, comes to find out he's had a g/f for half of our relationship(we hve bn together for a little over 3 years and married for a little over a year)...and he resentally had a baby w/her...i knw feeling guilty isn't the way to go, bt the thing is, after I filed for divorce I had sex w/my bff whom i've know 4ever and just found out im pregnate, my husband and i havent had sex in like two months so i knw its not his but I am still so lost of what to do and am I the bad one or what....please someone help, what should I do and how should I handle this situation??
2007-08-17 00:03:59 · 8 answers · asked by Felicia b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What to do? Well, start using birthcontrol and then let your bff know that he's about to become a baby-daddy instead of just a bff with benefits. If you cared about the child's best interests, you'd plan on adoption as your life is a mess. He/She is the only true innocent here and they deserve a good stable home and life.
2007-08-17 00:08:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That poor baby,the children are the most innocent and this one doesn't stand a chance because of incompatence, I really feel for you. I would definately dump the hubby no matter what,then go from there observing my every move and make better choices from here on out so as the baby will grow into a respectful and descent humanbeing. Most men are'nt good roll models and your hubby is by far that,good luck ,girl!
2007-08-17 09:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by nanna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are no longer physically intimate with your husband, and are actually going through with the divorce that you filed for...then what business is it of his?
Since he is not the one who sired your child, it is irrelevant to whatever sort of relationship you have with him. Of COURSE he's going to realize that you're pregnant and of COURSE you need to tell him that it's not his. Sticking a man with child support for a child that isn't his is morally wrong, and in the case that you did he ever required a paternity test - POOF! There goes your credibility in any involvement that you may have with him elsewise.
Someone recommended putting the child up for adoption - if you choose to, it is a wonderful gift to give. However, if you were to only put it up for adoption because your life is a little messy right now...shame on you.
So, first things first. You need to tell you best friend that you are pregnant, and that he is the father (you sound sure that he is, but BE SURE). Discuss your options, and keep in mind that you are carrying something that he helped to create - his opinions matter. This may or may not put an awkwardness or even an end to your friendship, but you need to get things squared away with him before you move on to the next step, which is telling your soon-to-be-ex-husband.
When you tell your STBEH (see above), you need to tell him what you and the child's father have decided to do. If you feel that your safety is in jeopardy, tell him over the phone. If you felt like being stubborn, it IS your right to have this child without ever explaining a word to him (unless he gets a court ordered paternity test, which will speak for itself)...but since your divorce will most likely not be finalized by the time you start to show, this will be the most civil way to handle the matter.
If your relationship with your husband is over in all but legality (and you are both aware of this), then you have done nothing truly wrong. Your emotions got the best of you, and a need for sentiment, closeness, and (let's face it) release after having been betrayed by someone you trusted...so you went to someone else that you trust. Obviously your STBEH had no issue in being with someone else...
To keep you conscience clear, just tell your ex the truth once you and your best friend have decided on a course of action (even if it's shaky). That way, even though you "cheated" in mere technicality (unless I missed something) due to divorce papers, you will have been honest with him in the relationship and will not have nearly as much guilt.
Talk to the father of the child. Make a move, and get out of your marriage. No matter what excuse you may give, it is a very rare thing that cheating (especially to that degree!) is TRULY justifiable. End it, and move on.
2007-08-17 07:35:49 · answer #3 · answered by unithoRn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out of the marriage, first. Then see if bf will be the best dad for his own child
2007-08-17 07:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by duanehofner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hope for the best and expect the worst. You both have dirty hands in the marriage.
2007-08-17 07:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by J*A*K*C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like neither of you is ready to be married
2007-08-17 07:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by txcatwoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 wrongs do not make a right!!!!
Didn't anyone ever teach you about protection????
2007-08-17 07:09:05 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take care of yourself and your baby..nothing else should matter!
2007-08-17 07:07:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋