Do you think my mom will chill out and stop telling her self things and making crazy rules sometime soon?

Question

I am a sophmore in highschool and I have comeout to my mother about a year ago. At first she threatened to send my to private school, move to the country and other things. Then after a while she pulled me aside to talk and let me know that i basically am not allowed to be gay until im out of college and she isnt paying my bills. I find this rediculous. I would move in with my father, but i havent come out to him yet.. although he may already know. idk, have any of you gone through something similar? do you think she will chill out? I dont want to bring a gf home, or go on a date or have to lie and say we are just good friends forever but im not sure how she woulld handle it if she found out. I think she might, maybe kick me out. Whats weird is we have a wonderful relationship other than my sexual preference wise. i dont know. it just blows.

I am really comfortable with myself. && Hopefully really soon i can comeout to my father. Just dont really want to ruin a perfectly good relationship with another parent.

Answer 1

You're not 18, so YES your mother is still required to pay for you.
I had the same problem, althougn ot quite as extreme. I think with time it will get better, it usually does. Don't try and push your sexuality on her. Don't bring girlfriends home, and dont bother telling her you have a girlfriend unless it is serious and you think you will be together for at least a few years.
If you feel comofrtable enough, tell your dad. He might not react the same way as your mom. He might take it better, and if that happens, then if you ever get kicked otu by your mom you will have a place to go.
I know its hard, but give your mom time. Don't be too flamboyant, dont bring tons of girls home, but be yourself. Don't hide who you are to please others. She is your mother and she should love you no matter what. With time, I think she will come around. the fact that she didnt send yo uto a private school and move to the country is a very good sign that she is starting to accept it a little bit more.

Answer 2

I hear your pain, my partner is kind of going through something similar...but not exactly the same.
Although we're conciderably older than you, parents can never be predicted. For over fifteen years my partner's mother was fine with, but not happy about, her being gay. She knew I have been her partner for over ten years.
Now that we're moving out to her side of the country (actually the same County) her mother is flipping out saying she knew nothing about her daughter being gay and that she has disowned/disinherited her daughter.

We're 40yrs old, for crying out loud, and we still can't figure out our parents.

I'm sure it's some weird defence mechanism that's gone off but it's very uncomfortable and upsetting for both of us.

All I can tell you is to stick it out, don't flaunt your sexuality in front of her, remain as respectful of her as possible and when you're old enough and ready...move out.

You did say you were planning on going to college but that she's threatened to not pay for your expences. Well that's not all that bad. Many parents expect their children to get a job while attending college to pay for expences. My son got a job at 16 and has saved a good amount of his pay for his expences. Even though we're setting up a seperate bank account to deposit expence money for him, he still plans to work between classes.

But students working to pay for their own expences isn't all that uncommon.

I would, however, think about coming out to your Dad if you feel he will be better with it. You're going to need an ally. I'd even concider contacting PFLAG in your area and asking them for advise on how to deal with your mother's non-acceptence.

http://pflag.org/

This is the link to the main PFLAG website, you can search for your local chapter there.

Answer 3

"until... ...she isnt paying my bills"

The answer is simple: Move out as soon as out can! Get a part time job and a car and get to the point that you can support yourself. (I'm half joking btw.) But, if that seems like a little too much work you could try talking to her about what bothers her so much and work on her accepting you. It may take time, but she could come around. It took my mother nine years to even begin to start accepting me.

Answer 4

Just be honest with your mom, tell her that you are gay and that you can't just turn it off because she doesn't like it.
Tell her that you won't parade your dates in her face but you are going to go out with girls.
As for your father I would tell him as soon as possible, he may surprise you and be totally fine with it.

Answer 5

Your Mom has a right to do what she wants with her money. She earned it, and it's not yours.

If you're old enough to enter into adult relationships, then you're old enough to live on your own.

If you still need your parents support, then you have to live by their rules.