Can someone help. i think im depressed? to read whole story email me plz?

Question

Like every since I was born I have been thru so much bull****. Like my father he never once told me he loved me. He treated my mom like sh** always abusing her, locking her out the house when it was winter and she had no place to go. Then I didn't know it was wrong but of course now I do. Then when i grew up he always made me study and never let me go to my friends house. Also when would follow my sister around he would lock me in my room and wouldn't let me get out intill
i learn not to follow her but see i was only about 4 years old. He would just hit me and make me scared of him so much. Then when I was about 7 he moved out , him and my mom got an divorice. I wasnt to happy because i knew that meant seeing less of my dad even tho he treated me like he did i still love him. When he moved i always saw him on weekends then my cousin came to visit. she also abused me by telling me what to do and when to eat. still then i was still a lil kid and she slapped me a couple of times

. Also my sister started to stay out late and sometimes not come home i knew about what she was doing and told my mom since she worked late trying to support two children as a single mom. Then on my birthday my sister my only sister had to leave me to stay with my aunt didnt even get to tell my sister goodbye or anything or even i love her and i felt it was all my fault i was just trying to help my sister out
but noo. my mom sent her away because she thougth it would be better for her i guess but who know my sister is doing better now. then also when i went to visit my moms family how my other cousin treated me bad and act like i wasnt good enough for the family she just always put me down even more. she even stole my money my dad sent me for vacation and i not get much money from my dad so thats like a blessing. then when i was in 6th grade i was accused of being rasicist which believe me i am not. im black and hispanic my self no im not like that at all the.

right now im 14 on my way to high school. my dad didnt want to pay for my catholic school education being in 8th grade my grades dropped so he started calling me stupid and slow and imma turn out like my mom btw hes being saying this all my life so now i kinda believe it. so now im stuck going to a public school and im losing my friends, because shes findign new friends at the highschool she will be attending now she only calls at night because thats when shes not talkin to her new friends . she even does stuff that before in middle school she would never do. go over guys house who she barely knows and stuff and come home late at night wow. i dont even know anymore and this whole time my mom has being calling me fat. and that doesnt help because i dont see my self as fat but now i kinda do. really im just so confused and now i even cry every nite about all this stuff that has gone on n mylife and to make it worse idk i just think im not pretty enough i mean yea guys say im hot

. even on my myspace i dont have pics buy myself or anything cause i think im just to ugly for it
and to make even stuff worse my dad has a new son and he says his son is gonna have a better life then mine and stuff that just gets to me and never once have anyone told me they are proud of me
what am i to do? im just so confused. can someone tell me what i have or somethign what i need to do cause it seems for the last past years i just been having breakdowns and but now they get worse and worse till the point i just want to cry every day and night which i do
. and my mom doesnt believe in therapist and stuff is there anyway i can talk to one without my mom knowing because this is just gettin out of hand stuff just keeps coming on its like just alot of stuff on my back and im slowly being to break and cant take it anymore i even think about killing myself but i kno i wont do it but who knows if this keeps happening i might do it.

and to the ppl who think im lying how could i try this whole thing up at 1:26 at night oh well just plz help me anyone have any advice. thanks

Answer 1

aw you have been through a lot. &on top of that you are becoming a teenager which is hard to adjust to. i think you need to just focus on what's important to you right now. dwelling on what you have been through in the past will do NOTHING for you. &if you do want to talk to someone without you parents knowing you can go to your school counselor. I know you love your dad but you can't take the negative things he says about you to heart. Just look ahead concentrate on getting good grades and before you know it you'll be heading for college and living on your own. think positive and you'll attract more positive people and situations to your life. we all go through our share of sh*t and it may seem hard but thats exactly what will help you and make you stronger for your future. i hope you feel better maybe you should try talking to your sister about how your feelin. arite. take care

Answer 2

I doubt it. look you are 15 years old. it is already amazing enough that you still love him even though he lives miles away, that's admirable. at your age that shows an enormous amount of maturity, but it is still not enough. do you know what forever means? do you know waht it's like to wake up everyday and see the same face over and over again? besides, it's probably not love. you have been away from him for a long time, you still don't know him that much. you can't love someone if you don't know him like your own pocket, and I mean it. when he will come back year and you gusy will be seeing each other much more, that's when you will know how much you really love him. beaides, the dude is 17, and 90% of the guys at that age would freak out if you tell them all of that. so basically, he probably doesn't feel the same way, and I don't mean he doesn't "love" you. you should just keep going out with him whenever he gets here. get to know him better, and don't talk to him about that whole forever thing if you don't wanna find yourself abandoned. then in a few years, if you guys are still together, you can take it to the next level and start talking to him about all of that, little by little. OH I just realized! 4 months? there is no way in hell you can love someone after 4 months. you need much more time than that. well good luck!

Answer 3

Wow..
long story.

You could be right - as you haven`t had it easy.
Sorry that your dad let you down, some guys just don`t care about anyone but themselves.

As to the other things - a quick read through all it doesn`t really reveal anything you could have done to change it.
People are the way they are - and very often nothing you do will change things.

Considering your age (14) i would seek some help from a professional. It is a lot to carry by yourself.

One thing that might help, is doing things for yourself.
Maybe you like painting, or writing. Go do that (or whatever else you like). I would not (yet) share it with others, just use it to let of steam.

If you just want to talk to someone (via mail) feel free to contact me.

But i really would advise you to find a friend you can trust, and talk to. It took me a while to realise it, but people need one another. We are social beings, at least most of us, and withdrawing to some quiet corner doesn`t help much.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

You need to talk to someone, the counsellor at your school, or another adult that you trust. You have way too much weight on your shoulders. You don't deserve all the horrible things that have happened to you. It's not fair, and it's not right. Nor is it acceptable. You need to be in a better situation. Life WILL get better. When you're an adult, you can choose the people you want around you, the job that you do, the lifestyle you lead. One day you will have a husband and your own children, and you can give your children the childhood YOU deserved, but didn't have. You can experience what it's like to be in a family, a real family. Don't give up. Life gets better. But talk to someone, get guidance and support. Good luck!

Answer 5

Hey little sister, I really pity you..a helluva episodes of abuses you'd been thru. Well, I ain't no expert but it's good you find something you like to do most...maybe like writing ( this, just a suggestion for I know not what your real interest is.. )does not matter if you ain't got a writer's touch, see ? Just write whatever you feel like writing not just about you but about everything that may interest you and find friends who have interest in writing and reading. Soon you will find the life you'd been thru and the ones that is yet to come will promise you something good.

Why let your mind get too crowded with sadness and depressing thoughts..'coz it ain't the end yet for you, see ?
You 're the one who has to walk the road of your life and it does not matter whether it's gonna be a tiresome long and winding road. Always try to strive for a target in your life and it does not bother you much if the target you have in mind never seems to reach you , see?, b'coz in having such a stand in life you'd be fine. Of course you would say it's easier said than done but whatever it is you sure gonna experience changes soon enough that will make you a little happier....

Answer 6

yes you are prone to manic depression my mother has it and she also came from a broken home like that the best way to whent yore depresion is to write about it and so you will feel better also you should not think of thoughts of suicide becasue once you commit it you cant turn back and you have a long life ahead of you so dont even let such a thought cross you and also you can be proud to know that you havent turned out to be like youre father and these instances have made you a stronger person with this strenthg you should be able to carry on youre life and give up all those past and old hurtfull feelings my mothers father was a drunkard and he abused my mother mentalie pysicaly you can seek spiritual guidance and i hope that you will find what i have said helpfull

Answer 7

Like anyone who has been abused like you have, you ahve problems in various areas of your life. I'm assuming you are still pretty young and you still have a lot of life ahead of you, so what you need to do is this: go see a therapist. They will help you sort out all of your issues, help you regain your happiness, build your self-esteem up, and teach you how to deal with negative situations. Millions of people have been in the same situation as you and millions of them have gone onto live very happy, successful lives, you can to. Talk with someone you can trust and have them help you set up an appointment. I don't know you but I can tell from your question you have a lot of hope and determination to feel good, that aspect will carry you therapy and make it a success for you, and for the rest of your life :)

Answer 8

Its hard to see a therapist without your mother knowing because you have to pay, but seeing the school councilor is like seeing a therapist and its free. I'm sorry the way you are treated, but you seem like you have a good head so once your 18 you'll be out in the world with people who you want around you so hang in there kid. I hope things work out for you.
=)

Answer 9

Wow. I payed attention to that whole thing(sorry, I've been having a hard time paying attention lately)

Moving on...

You really need someone to talk to. Abusive dad, mom dosen't care. I don't care what your mom says. Don't you have friends? Just one friend who you can trust can help. OK, so i'm not impartial. My dad did some of that to. I do wish my parents got a divorse though. :(
Just because you're outtta the situation(kn=inda) doesn't mean the scars go away. You wanna IM me? It's on my profile

Answer 10

If you are depressed! You need to practise meditation!

Don't condition your happiness to external factors...

Everybody seeks happiness many make this simple mistake...they make it conditioned with external things!

YOU! make your happiness unconditioned ..i will free ebook hope it solves your problem....i have compiled this ebook!

here's the link!

http://www.4shared.com/file/20963731/f040fb5e/Vipassana_meditation.html

Cheers!