How to trap a cheating husband?

Question

I have been living in turmoil ever since I found out my husband has been emailing and sms-ing this girl he met online. When confronted, he swore that nothing physical happened. He then promised that he will not have anything to do with her anymore but it seems that she is still calling him, sometimes in the wee hours of the morning and they might even be chatting with each other when I am sound asleep. I believe they might even be meeting up behind my back though he did say he's meeting the boys and I am not allowed to go with him. I also found out that he has security-coded his handphone. I did thought of calling the girl up and ask if she knows about his marital status but am afraid that it will only make things worse especially if the girl says she's only friends with him. I am not ready to let go of this marriage because it's still new and we just had a baby recently. Please help.

Answer 1

Why trap him? You know he's cheating and he knows you know. A woman calling your house in the wee hours of the morning!!??!! How can you not be ready to let go of the marriage. Your husband already did. He's not really hiding anything from you he has your permission by you putting up with this stuff. He has probably always been a player. You can tolerate or move on.

Answer 2

What do you think you will lose by demanding to know what the f u c k is going on behind your back.That woman only knows what she is being told and you better believe she thinks you are not taking care of him and you two don't sleep in the same bed.She has been told that you two don't love one another any longer but are together because of the baby.Just like he is lying to you he is doing the same to her. When you stop putting him first and put the baby before him this is what happens and unfortunately it's fairly common for the husband to have an affair. The husbands really think that they are justified in doing so. Most men are babied growing up and that's how they pick a wife the closes one to his mother he will marry but when the mothering stops they go to the first female who shows him some attention even if she is unattractive and 10 years older then he is, that's what my husband did to me with a co-worker. You really need to call that girl and tell her the truth because your husband sure isn't. It can't get any worse then it is, I take that back it can get a lot worse if you let it go on any longer.Stop it before they fall in love with each other lets hope it hasn't come to that yet. I know your heart is braking and he doesn't seem to care that's why you need to nip this thing in the butt right now don't stand back like i did because i was afraid of losing him,I did lose him to her for over two years.

Answer 3

Two years ago my ex husband accidentally left his e mail open after he passed out drunk. Normally I didn't pay attention to his e mail, but I noticed several e mails from the same woman. I read them and was shocked to find out that she was an "escort" and that he had seen her in person at least once. I also checked past e mail and found out she was not the only one. I confronted him and at first he lied about it but when I told him I had proof, he owned up to it. A friend of mine told me that there were programs that a person could download (for free) in which all activity on the computer could be recorded. He had his own laptop so I had to wait until he was at work to download the program on it, but it worked. It was fairly easy to install. I wanted to see if he would stop contacting these women after I confronted him. Well, needless to say, he didn't. I'm glad I downloaded the spy program because I found out what a lying bastard he really was. If you do download a program like this, make sure you save it to a locked file or somewhere in the computer where he won't see it. Yes it seems sneaky but if you want to find out the truth, this is the best way.

As for the phone, is this a cell phone? The bill should have the calls itemized. It would show what numbers he is calling. Do you see the bill or does he hide it from you?

I know you said it is a new marriage and you have a new baby but you have the right to know what is going on.

Answer 4

I think you are being ridiculous and you are enabling him to do whatever he feels like doing. Are you serious?? There are girls calling your house in the am hours and you just want advice about what to say to him?? First of all, noone should be permitted to call that late, especially not a girl. Second, you need to stop wondering and lay down the law! Call that woman and ask her, what the hell is going on! why is she calling your house, what is she doing with your husband. Third, I don't think it is being nosey to know who calls your man. Ask him to see his phone and if he has nothing to hide then there should be no problem. My husband cheated on me 3 years ago, and I still cannot let it go. It is always in the back of my mind, that he will do it again. I was split up from him for 1 year and then we sought counseling and decided that we could save our marraige, but even with the counseling and communication, I still can't help but wonder in the back of my mind "will he do it again?" Who knows....but I do know that if a man starts to sneak around and starts hiding things from you that is a definite red flag and it should be addressed. If he is not willing to meet your needs and requests, than it is obvious he does not care about how you are feeling, and the relationship may not be able to be salvaged, depending on what he is willing to contribute. Good Luck girl, and don't take second place to anyone!

Answer 5

I feel really sorry for you, maybe you can offer to drop him off and pick him up when he goes out with his friends? It is suspicious he has locked his phone, ask him about it. I would say that he is cheating just from what you said but unless you can prove it there is nothing you can say, just tell him what you said in this question, I would be very careful and yes I would call the girl if you can get the number and talk to her and tell her about your baby. Good Luck, never stay with a cheating man but give him a chance to explain, there is no such thing as a 'girl' friend with a married man unless they have been friends since childhood or family friends, I really hope I never come into your situation good luck

Answer 6

It seems like your husband is look for attention. With a new baby you have other things on your mind. Dont forget about him. I think you need to let him feel like he doesnt need to look outside of the relationship for a female companion.

Sad to say but it sounds like he has been meeting up with her behind your back. Why else does she think she can call at all hours of the day? You have all rights to call her and tell her he is a married man with a baby. That should scare her away. Your husband must be needing something, so if you dont want him to get it somewhere else you have to give it to him.

Maybe you should follow him when you suspect he is going to meet her. You dont deserve to be played at home with the baby.

Answer 7

so your not ready to let go of the marriage yet your ready to fight him tooth and nail and be a private investigator and get the answer you sound like you already know. what will this prove n othing but a big fight . and he will most likely deny it or if he does come clean then you guys can split. So all this energy is put towards nothign positive in the end. Im sorry if he is messing around. But try fixing it if you can. but to go after him to catch him in the act is useless your mind is already made up you don't need to drag this out with all this private spy stuff. either deal with it. or move on.

save yourself both headaches and time.

Answer 8

My story and yours could be one and the same. You need to know deep down that you can forgive him or else it will all implode at a later date. Only you can know how much you are willing to take before you can take no more, having just had a baby I am sure your relationship must be new and you are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but he in turn must become completely transparent in all his dealings. If he is unwilling to do that then mistrust will remain a part of your lives together.

Answer 9

Your husband is acting like a jerk. You have every reason to be pissed. He's lying to you and sneaking behind your back. Think of the type of example he will be setting for your child. Do you want him/her to know that dad's a cheat and it's ok to tolerate it when men cheat?
You're in a terrible situation with a new baby but it's not your fault. Your husband is acting like a weenie and I would DEMAND either he stop communicating with this other woman and work on your marriage, or send him on his way. Good luck and remember, don't blame yourself for his own inability to stay monogamous.

Answer 10

Yes, a key logger will be helpful in finding out what is still going on. If he cannot be truthful then you will need to figure this out. Here is one of the best key loggers on the market. It will log keystrokes, and screen shots. It is by SpectorSoft.

Secondly, you do need to take care of yourself. Finding out about your husband is one thing. How you react to it and how you deal with this reality is another. Seek a counselor and learn how to be strong through this. This cannot be overlooked and must be dealt with. Otherwise, your child will grow up and the damage will be greater. This will not go away by wishing it away. Peace.