Starting to resent my husband?

Question

I have a 10wk old baby that I stay home with while my husband works. I want to go back to work, but he doesn't want her in daycare. I have mentioned that we could switch roles, my job pays $10 more an hour than his and it would take alot of the financial strain off of us. He said he would feel like less of a man if he wasn't the one contributing financially.
I cook, clean, run errands while toting around an infant and trying to maintain a meager budget without much help. How do I get him to see how unnecissarily stressful this is on me?

He comes from a traditional family where his mom did everything for everyone while maintaining an impecable house and having a hot meal on the table every night. I am not like her and I personally can't do it and he just doesn't get why it is so difficult for me.
What do I do?

Answer 1

I feel your husband doesn't want to do the stay at home duties. Suggest getting a qualified sitter to stay at home with your baby instead of daycare centers. Ask him to try it for a while and see how it goes.

Answer 2

Can 't you find a babysitter that would come to your home that way you could go back to work.To bad i don't live close by i would love to sit with a infant.They grow so fast it seem like yesterday my son was that age now he is 26. I stayed at home with my son until he was 4 then i went back to work part time so i would be there for him when he got home from school. Your husband is just being a man they all want their wives to be like their mothers.I'm sure when my son gets married he will be the same way.You just have to go along with him unless you leave him there isn't very much you can do.

Answer 3

Perhaps you two could go to counseling together. You mentioned you two have talked and talked about it. And that he 'gets it' but that doesn't seem to change his behavior. You two are married not bf and gf, it sounds like he's treating you like a gf where the easy simple thing would just be to break up, a divorce is not just simply breaking up. No other woman should be contacting your husband in that manner (wanting to get back together) ex's or not. He's got to make the ex's stop contacting him plain and simple, from what you've described he doesn't seem to want to do that. So I'd say go to counseling if that doesn't work, divorce him, you've already outlined how you think it will be if you choose to accept it.

Answer 4

A ten week old baby needs its mother. Would you be willing to stay home for the baby for a few months? The little one will do so many cute things that you will miss if you go to work now and so many moms would love to be in your shoes. Maybe after the baby gets a little older, you could find part time work to help out. And then a little later go full time.

After the baby is a little older, would his mom keep the baby? Possibly this would make him feel better.

Answer 5

Tell him to suck it up and stay home. It only makes financial sense to do this until day care is an option. What about Grandmother? Can she provide day care? My sister-in-law worked and her husband stayed home until they could find apropriate day care. She works in a bank and he had a decent job but no where near her income so they switched traditional roles. He can always find "cash" jobs on the weekend to feel like he is helping financially. Umpiring, landscaping, and other jobs like this could go along way because of no taxes. Good Luck.

Answer 6

U just tell him how it is.. although i personally feel if possible a mom should stay with the child until they are school age, thats not for everyone.. And if thats not for u, then u just have to do what u have to do.. and if he feels so strongly about it, then he can be the one that stays home if not, then ur perfectly capable of putting her in a daycare with out him and just going back to work on ur own with out his permission.. if it means that much to him , he'll quit his job and stay home..

Answer 7

tell him that your not his mom and you will not even try to come close to that. that you are your own person and you want a life outside of the house. put an add in the paper and the two of you enterview sitters. they have nanny cams so you can post them around the house to keep an eye on the person you chose to watch your baby. tell him this is a new era then what he grew up in and your getting a job and having a baby like most women today.

Answer 8

What do you do? Be the mother you should be to your little one. Are you trying to break your husband down by making him stay home? Gee, there are not very many hard working men out there, and you've got one and aren't even happy about it. Sheesh!

It's obvious that you are not maternal. Its sad. I hope your not planning on having more children.

Answer 9

Very few day care centers will accept babies that are less than six months old, so you are probably stuck for the time being on that issue. You may be able to get one of the grand parents to baby sit until then, however. You did not say if you will be able to go back to your old job or you will have to look for another--that can be another issue. I agree that he needs to consider a plan for you to get back to work, babies are expensive, and you also need to be happy.

Answer 10

Most men think that when a mother is home with they children it is a easy job. They do not realize how much things has to be done.. My husband always tells me that I am so lucky because I am home and he is at work dealing with alot of stress. Is he nuts!!! I have 4 children and I am pregnant with a 5th child, I have a overwhelming amount of things to do. Talk to your husband to make him realize that he is not the only one that is working hard. Good Luck to you!!!