Sick to death of my son's bullies?

Question

I have a 14 year old son who has been bullied since he was in first grade. He is very funny, makes his friends laugh constantly and is an incredible kid...but he has red hair and freckles and he is pretty hyperactive...so he stands out all the time.

I have lived in a new town now for 3 years and every year my son has had problems. He usually doesn't tell me about it...but I find out from his step sister that the teasing was bad that day and when I try to talk to him about it, this normally TOUGH kid just breaks down. Last year he had a problem daily with a bully who was hitting him. I called and visited the school non stop for weeks and nothing would help. Finally when the kid threw a rock at my son's head the bus driver chewed him out. Three days later the kid hid outside his house and shot at 2 buses (including his own bus) out of anger. I talked again to the principal who apologized over and over but would not admit that they could have done more.

The worst bully of them all was the one he faced in the 5th and 6th grade. Thank God the kid moved away last year...but this year he is back. School just started again this week and this kid rides my sons bus. The kid and his buddies started teasing my son about his hair and telling him that he stunk and needed to take a bath. When he tried to tell them to stop one of the kids (a girl) slapped my son in the face. He just sat down. There are 7 of these kids...and although my son has had karate lessons and can kick an a$$ well, he knows he can't take on 7 kids. I listened to the books and website forums and teachers and principals for years telling my son to ignore these kids and they would go away. They won't. And the school will NOT take it seriously. So I need suggestions. Today as I watched my son in tears saying he couldn't take much more I was boiling over with anger. I blew up...and started driving up the road trying to find this kids house and his mom.

I talked to the mom 2 years ago and she had assured me that she would deal with her child...no such luck.

I am seriously about to end up in jail for hurting somebody...the school will NOT help. I have called police when these 7 kids came into MY yard a year or so ago threatening my son...nothing seems to be changing things for my child. Please give me some suggestions.

Answer 1

I'm sure some people are going to thumbs down this, especially anyone who is a pacifist, but I had someone try to bully me early on in life for several years. He outweighed me by nearly 100 lbs., & unlike me, he had quite a few friends. Still, I was high-tempered to the point many accused me of suffering from stupidity, so while everyone else cowered in his presence, when he started trying to pick on me, I would make fun of his weight until we got in a fistfight. Unfortunately, I had a bad habit of aiming for his gut (the most protected place on him), & would usually suffer a pretty good beating for it. However, I had him thinking I was crazy, because as soon as I felt up to it, I would catch him in the playground, tell him I wasn't done with him yet, & get another couple of licks in before taking a solid beating. This may seem stupid, but I've never once regretted it. I got my lip busted on several occasions & got plenty of bruises, but I have my pride. Once, I even caught him off guard. He tried to steal my backpack, & hurled me into a wall before walking away. I got up, jumped through the air planting my feet in his kidneys, & planted a couple of left jabs & a solid right hook to his jaw... then he bounced me off the wall again. However, he put down my backpack, walked away muttering something about how stupid I was, & left me alone after that. It was the closest I ever came to winning a fight against him. He moved a few months later & I've never seen him since, but ironically enough, even though I haven't fought in years, a little part of me would love to run into him again, & challenge him to a sparring session, even if no animosity still exists. I'm a lot bigger than I was, & I'd just love to see if I could finally beat him, even though I've long since quit hating the guy. It's just something I'd like to prove to myself.

So, my advice to your son would be don't run away, don't show any fear, find the ringleader of the entire bunch, & make a stand. Don't start the fight, but sure as hell finish it. I've always believed it's a lot easier to look at yourself in the mirror if you've had the crap kicked out of you than if you ran away with your tail between your legs. I know this may be hard to understand for most women, because it's just not usually in your nature to do this sort of thing, but against a bully, the only way to win any respect is to show them they are nothing to you, & even if they can beat you in a fight, you won't back down. Your son would be wise to call this ringleader out by asking him if he has the guts to face him one on one, or if he's such a coward he has to have his friends back him up. This way, this bully has to risk losing face in front of his buddies, or risk possibly getting his own butt kicked by your son. Plus, even if they all jump on your son, the fight will earn him respect. Take it from a guy who had 10 boys jump on me at once. One boy on the playground came to back me up, & we were able to send the 10 punks running because they didn't know what to do when we got back-to-back & let our fists & feet fly. They were cowards, & their plan came unraveled. As they were leaving, one of the girls even came to join the fray! I got 2 very good friends out of that debacle.

One more thing, & this one may be tough to swallow. It sounds like this coward is letting girls hit your son for him. I know this may be tough for him to hear, but if a group jumps on him, guys & girls, he's going to have to punch all of them equally. If those girls want to put themselves in a man's place, they deserve to get their teeth loosened just like men. So, he needs to learn not to back down from any of them. I think if he stands up to this ringleader, he may not have to worry about it too much.

Other than this course of action, your only recourse is to file charges. Regardless of age, throwing a rock at someone's head is assault with a deadly weapon, & is illegal. This girl slapping him is battery. The kids threatening him is illegal, & doing it in your yard is trespassing. If one of the kids is shooting at school buses, this is destruction of government property, discharging a firearm with malicious intent, & could be construed as attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon. This may spook the kids if the police get involved, but if your son wants to win his pride back, it may take getting his butt kicked a few times to do it, or surprising himself & kicking a kid's butt once. Just watch "A Christmas Story", where Ralphie beats up the bully, that's more true to life than you know.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, most people still take an old-fashioned view on bullying-that it's just a natural part of growing up. If these incidents are occuring off school property and not during school hours, there is, unfortunately, no way to get these kids suspended or expelled for it. The only options are to talk to their parents and call the police. If the bullying is not physical, the police cannot help you, and if the parents of these bullies refuse to do anything, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Get your son some counseling, because counselors usually know how to deal with this sort of stuff, and can give him some good options. Tell him to make sure that he is with a friend at all times, because bullies usually avoid kids who aren't in groups. Other than that, unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. My sincere regrets.

Answer 3

I agree with the first answer. I had people bullying me in middle school ( I'm 19 now though )and the teachers and school board would not help me at all, so I decided to try homeschooling. I was able to find volunteer work, get help from teachers with subjects I had too much trouble with, and make friends. It was a lot easier than going to school everyday where I knew there were AWFUL students waiting to make fun of me. Some people would probably say that this is running away from a situation that is just a part of life, but it can have a lasting effect on a person's self-esteem, whether they are a child or not. If a situation is too stressful or upsetting, you need to get out of it. Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 4

First off: I'm terribly sorry to hear about that :(
I would say contact the parents again, all of them. Make sure they are aware that YOU are very hurt as well, cry, breakdown, don't hold back. But you and your son should NOT bring violence into the situation. I would say he should only fight back if they are physically hurting him. But still name calling sometimes can be worse than physical contact. But also i would say do whatever you can, luckily at my school bullying is never an issue because if you lay your hand on a kid you're expelled. Talk to the school board if you can. I don't know if you can contact the police of it's not physical, but no one said you can't try! Just do not give up and I know you've tried just about everything but keep trying. Switching schools might be a little drastic but if you think it would work, no ones stopping you.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Obviously the school doesn't give a freak the moms of the bullies probably doesn't care, or cannot control them, or is encouraging to do it some more. Furthermore you have to either move and transfer him to a different school, homeschool him or SUE the school and/ or the parents. But especially the school if the child has been there for 3 years and the bullying hasn't stopped and the SCHOOL hasn't stopped it yet that is a good case to sue.
If it doesn't stop soon the child will probably be scarred 4 life.

Answer 6

It seems like you've covered all your bases. You've brought the problem up with the school and addministration on several occasions and it seems like your son has been trying to iggnore it, but fromwhat you describe it doesn't seem like iggnoring it will make a difference, there's already a problem so I burrying his head in the sand will only encourage this group of 7 bullies.

But your son is in high school now, or at least will be soon. And if he has enough of friends they should be able to stand up to these kids. He's 14, not 7, and you've tried going to the administration, you've tried dealing with the situation, but there have been no results. If it happens again, why doesn't your son just beat up the main one? If you cut off the head of the snake, the body dies. You could always tail your son unnoticably and then confort the kids yourself and threaten the cops on them. If you know where they live, the cops will show up at the door. That in itself would bring enough fear into their hearts.

But bullying happens a lot. Going to the adminstration doens't always work unless the kid did it on the school grounds. That's why he has to be able to stand up for himself. Everyone just picks on him, and your solution is talk to the priniciple, but if that worked your son wouldn't have rocks being thrown at him. There's only so much they can do. Maybe you can get some older kids, like guys my age 16-17, to help your son out. Obviously they can't follow him 24-7, but at least they could back him up.

Answer 7

Document EVERYTHING that is going on. Keep a dated journal describing every incident you hear from your son or step daughter. Keep a record of every communication you have with bus divers, teachers, school principals, etc. Make sure the school officials are aware of the fact that you are carefully documenting all evidence.

Then, file for a restraining order against the worst of these kids. The ones who have actually physically assaulted or attempted to physically assault your son.

If this isn't effective in stopping/reducing the behavior, I would seriously consider moving my son to a different school district. For his own safety.

Answer 8

First and foremost, my heart breaks for you and your son. My daughter went through this a year ago with 9 bullies. It was a nightmare all around. It is the schools responsibility to provide a safe environment. Put EVERYTHING in writing and make sure at the end of your letters you note that copies were sent to others. Even if you have to make up a lawyers name it is worth it to protect your child. Once the school district knows there is proof out there of all of your attempts to get help, trust me they will do something about it or be open to a lawsuit. Also Dr. Phil has a lot of helpful information on his website. I forwarded it to our school. Good luck ,truly my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. Schools need to understand the damage this can do to a child. Although our bullies finally stopped I am still fighting the issue for more programs on stopping these horrible bullies from infultrating our schools. As a side note I also have a beautiful,bright redheaded daughter. Good luck. Please write if you need to talk. I understand.........

Answer 9

Well, u aint gonna like my answer, but I'm thinkin if u (or actually your kid) could pull it off, that the problem would go away.

Your kid needs to find the worst of those bullies alone and beat the crap outta him. Now your kid could get into trouble for fightin i suppose, but it would probably be worth it.

And your kid might need to do this a couple of times to a couple of the worst bullies. Most bullies don't take well to guys who fight back cuz most bullies can't back up their mouths. And also bullies are really aggressive in packs, but alone they wilt at the first threat. And this is why your kid needs to get them alone and one at a time.

Once the bullies get a taste of a beatdown, they are probably gonna lay off.

Answer 10

Some of it has already been said but as drastic as it may seem you need to get your kid out of this situation. Boys in this age as well as girls are experiencing a very tough time as this is when puberty hits them. As if your own body isn't enough to contend with, you now have bullies pushing your child towards either snapping on one of them or potentially hurting himself to dull the pain/abuse of others.

You need to yank him from this school as it sounds like the principal/teachers/parents will not take the responsibility of the misbehaving children. This is bad because this also sends a negative message to your child that your doing this because of him. But unfortunately in this day of age with acts like columbine and children getting stabbed in the schoolyard, it is sometimes neccesary.

You should also seek out other parents with children that your boy can get along with and arrange events for them. Paintball sessions and parties are wonders for pre-teens to boost their spirits.

Answer 11

That is horrible and i cant belive that the school or the parents are not doing anything to stop those kids. I personally say that homeschooling would be one of your few options. Kids will always be kids and they will never stop teasing other people unless they grow up. And we know that wont happen anytime soon, so i really suggest you homeschool.
i truly hope that things get better :D