I am in a relationship of 5 years, 35 years old, living together and the biological clock is ticking. I recently went on a trip for work and on the way home I caught up with a friend of 5 years. We were chatting how our relationships were lacking passion and after a few drinks, our desires played out on each other. There is no love or connection there, just I think we were both so wanting some affection and passion that we are not getting enough of in our own relationships. My partner then read my emails and found out. I have gone from a workable relationship where 90% of it is great, to one where I am on the verge of moving out. I cannot decipher what is going on in my head or my heart and have no idea what to do, and he is just as confused, saying he wants me to move out and that he doesn't love me the same anymore since I cheated, and then wants me to stay. I do love him, but is it because we have been together for 5 years and have so many memories and connections? Help!
2007-08-16 16:31:48 · 25 answers · asked by Fi Massage 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first things first.. assess ur situation... yes u love him... but does he feel the sameway as u do?? u have a choice to make and its only u that can solve this.. take heart and think about it... if he still doesn't react.. then it high time to move on and live ur life... i kow life is complicated but its ur choice, its ur life and ur future... gudluk...!
2007-08-16 16:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to find a good counselor. They will help both of you sort out your emotions. There is obviously something worth fighting for here, and I think you shouldn't just throw it away. He will have to want to go to the counselor too. It takes two to make a relationship work. I think you'll find that after seeing a counselor you will have the kind of relationship that you wanted, and you won't have any desire to go elsewhere for affection. On the flip side, you could find that you aren't compatible. If that happens, at least you made an honest attempt to fix the relationship, and didn't do what so many people do today and just walk away from something that could have been fixed.
2007-08-16 23:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by bigb_nc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I was on your side until I realized you cheated.. If you cheat, you have to suffer the consiquences of what your partner wishes for. Sorry, but that is the way it is. Maybe you are the type that if the table was turned would be able to forgive, your partner is not that kind. My husband and I have had that talk through the years as some of our friends were cheating (on thier other) and I know for a fact that in no way in hell that I would ever forgive!! Nope, and I have kids... Cheat and your out the door! My husband, has been the one to try and get a friend to forgive and blah blah blah..... Sorry we must live by eachothers rules to be in eachothers lives
2007-08-16 23:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by meme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been together for 5 years and still aren't married, or have any kids, chances are it isn't in the cards with him. Move on. Everything happens for a reason. Find the passion and attention you are lacking in someone else, but let him find someone that knows how to be faithful.
2007-08-16 23:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your problems started BEFORE you met this "old friend" on your trip---you just compounded them by acting on your emotions.... weigh the pros and cons of splitting up BEFORE you do anything rash.... sit down with your "relationship" and tell him EXACTLY what led you to the arms of the other person.... tell him that you still have feelings for him and that is why it is SO difficult for you to leave him---and you want to know exactly how he feels about you..... tell him also that you would like to get the spark BACK into your relationship but if he feels it is too late, then you SHOULD leave.... HOWEVER, if you still have that OTHER GUY in your heart and mind, you aren't ready to stay settled with the one you've lived with.... you have to be willing to TOTALLY give up on the guy you MET and concentrate on the one you live with OR give up the one you live with because anything other then him having your full attention is NOT fair to him to keep it dragging on.... you COULD very well end up with NOTHING too so weigh things CAREFULLY...
2007-08-16 23:38:59 · answer #5 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you not expect your relationship to deteriorate when you cheated or did you think that you wouldn't get caught because you were out of town on business?
You destroyed the fundamental building block in a relationship and that is trust. Without trust you have nothing.
To answer your question, you should leave. Why should your bf be forced out of his home because you cheated? He lost his faith in you, due to no fault of his own. Isn't that enough?
You've made your bed, so to speak; now lay in it!
2007-08-16 23:38:28 · answer #6 · answered by motherofthree 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to work it out. Also yes it is the memories and connections but its mainly love and love is sticking it out and forgiving the ones you love when they hurt you or make mistakes. He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven Thomas Fuller
You also need to really have a deep talk about him making up his mind and really telling you how he feels. You need to be understanding and relize you hurt him .It will take time for him to forgive. Its no reason to break up over because people screw up and if you have to say sorry every day for how ever long it take then you need to go that extra mile to be really sorry.
2007-08-16 23:53:22 · answer #7 · answered by marcia s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You screwed up, big time. If he's willing to take another chance with you, don't do anything else to bust his trust. Do, however expect him to be very suspicious for quite some time from here on out. Don't let him harp on you though and stand there and take excessive grief. Some remorse is in order, but not to the point of persecution. Best wishes
2007-08-16 23:42:24 · answer #8 · answered by duanehofner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, what is up with all of the gay experimental cheating posts tonight!?!!?
If you are really that confused, maybe you liked the experience that you had with your friend and are afraid to admit that to yourself... Holly cow! you people and not realizing that this is cheating.
In your situation, you need to go seek therapy and discuss this one out deeply to find yourself! Once you find yourself, then work on the relationship of 5 years, or get out of it and start a relationship with a woman.... you will not know which direction to go until you get help and work this one out to find yourself!
2007-08-16 23:47:56 · answer #9 · answered by LyndasCa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are married do your best to try to work things out. If you are not than I say DON"T SETTLE for anyone or anything just because of habit. I know it would be scary to start over, but just be glad you do not have children caught up in this. Goodluck to you!
2007-08-16 23:42:37 · answer #10 · answered by Peng-you 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound pretty down on the relationship. I would say, judging by your words here and your actions of passion, that it is indeed time to move on. Good luck.
2007-08-16 23:37:58 · answer #11 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋