It shouldn't be so hard. When you know the person is terrible for you, and feels nothing when they watch you suffer at their own hand, why is it still so hard to get over them??? He claims he still loves me and would do anything in the world for me for us to stay together (if I place our unborn daughter for adoption) and sometimes all I want is to feel happy again so I almost consider obliging...but then I have a reality check and remember why he's not a stand up person and not the pesron I'm meant to be with. Why is it still so damn heartbreaking, and how do I make the hurt go away?????????
2007-08-16 15:52:30 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was sort of vague, im 24 and keeping my child.
2007-08-16 16:35:09 · update #1
Hi Courtney,
People can be unbelievably selfish. People can be unreasonably hurtful and spiteful.
My ex and I have a son together. After our divorce it was never easy getting past our issues with each other and the hurtful things she did and said. But I have finally reached the point I honestly look back on it as a learning experience, to never allow my heart and mind to be trampled that way ever again.
Time heals all wounds. We have finally reached a point where we are able to be civil toward each other, and have a conversation in front of our son. It did not involve any magic tricks and definitely did not happen overnight. I basically ate a lot of "manure sloppy joes" and decided it was best for our son, for his parents to get along.
Once your child arrives, you will have someone to place all your love and energy. Thoughts of your ex won't have much room in your mind or heart. I wish your ex could see the big picture and embrace it treat you with more respect and compassion.
2007-08-17 06:13:41 · answer #1 · answered by yoak 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time Courtney, time. Although it may feel that these things will never disappear trust me when I tell you that they will. The human heart is a pretty tough little organ and can heal itself 100% if allowed the proper time to allow for grieving the loss of a relationship. Who knows eventually you may even be able to talk with this man in a friendly manner, even if you are both with other people. But if you have suffered from abuse at this man's hands the sad fact is that history usually repeats itself and often increases in harm. And the fact that he wants you to adopt out your unborn child certainly doesn't make him sound like a stand up type of guy, but rather a fall down. Give yourself time to grieve this loss then go out and find someone else who will treat both you and your child with the love, respect and feeling of safety that we all deserve.
2007-08-16 23:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are or if you have other children, but I would not give my child up for adoption. It seems that if he wants you to do that he is saying " I do not want to be responsible for my actions (including procreation)." As far as getting over him...., hate is a very strong and passionate word, as is love, but it is not the opposite of love. Focus on things that will make you happy, hobbies, getting ready for the baby, school, work, whatever it is. I personally feel that it is not a good idea to carry such a strong negative emotion when you are pregnant. But hey, I don't have any kids yet, so what do I know?
2007-08-16 23:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you actually love this guy, and you don't hate him with everything inside you.... but you want to. And you should. What kind of man would ask, much less demand, that you put your child up for adoption?! Do what your heart tells you to do as far as your child is concerned, and don't worry about him. If he doesn't want to be around your child, you're better off. Just pray that in time he realizes the mistake he's made, and that your child can forgive him.
2007-08-16 23:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by bigb_nc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He does not love you if he is asking you to give your child up for adoption. If he really loved you, he would stick by you through everything. Putting your child up for adoption has to be something that you want to do for the best interest of the child, not to keep your man happy. Let him go and when that precious baby comes, the hurt will go away more and more everyday.
2007-08-16 23:02:17 · answer #5 · answered by Tracy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you what not to do. Definitely don't get under anyone else. But I can tell you the way that I did it. It has worked for everyone so far that I advised in this manner. First of all it's hard to have so many connections to a person s uch as having been intimate with that person, it makes it even more painful when (if ) you are no longer with that person. I wa in a relationship where I did all for that person and they ran me into the ground. That person clained that they love me but understand that actions speak louder than words. Love is patient, it's kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it isn't proud or rude, it doesn't delight in eveil but rejoices with the truth.. It keeps no records of wrongs... It always protects, always trust, always hopes and always perserveres.. Love never fails.. When you look at that and how love should be, you can truly ask yourself, does that person love me. Now you have to ask yourself, how much you love you. If you see that you're not getting that pure love from that person, do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve pure love not just what's being dished out to you and said to you with lip service but one that is shown in action and deed. My Father told me that he didn't want me to have sex before marriage... He didn't tell me that because He didn't want me to have fun or because it didn't fell good but He told me because He knew that things could happen to me that would hurt me... For instance, the person would leave me and I would have a broken heart or I could get diseases or that I could have a baby before I or that person was ready. It hurts so bad because the person that you are with sexually you are supposed to be with them for the rest of your life in marriage. Any way I hate being mad with anyone to a point where I would cry if I'm mad but there was this one person and I had to ask the Lord to heal the hurts and help me not to hate them. It didn't take for the anger to subside. Read the book SIngle, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce by Dr. Myles Munroe and I promise that you will never be the same. It is a short book and it's fairly inexpensive $11.00 Feel free to email me if you want more details on what went on and the actual steps I took.
2007-08-16 23:32:39 · answer #6 · answered by Tumajah J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to start the healing process for the hurt and pain he has caused you, is for you to forgive him for what he has done to you. I mean you truly have to forgive him and go on with your life. I know it is easier said than done but as long as you stay angry with him he is still controlling your life, it will consume you if you don't stop the madness. Try to stay focused on the baby, to much stress could cause problems with the baby. The hurt will go away but it will take time, you will heal.
2007-08-16 23:47:30 · answer #7 · answered by pattycake046 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Focus on your daughter and your life after she is born. He isn't worth losing your child over and you know that. This may sound silly but if you quit hating him and just focus on her daughter it will be easier. The hate keeps you tethered to him and unable to move on. Sorry this is happening for you. Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-08-16 23:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this situation, what you're thinking and how you see him, you see him for something that he's not. You want him to be this nice guy who's understanding, helpful, funny, caring etc..and when you see his bad side (meaning his true colors) he is who he is. This is something you can't change. Time and learning to move on do things on your own. That's the hardest part, but that's where you have to start.
2007-08-16 23:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because he is the father of your child. Because you love him...its hard but you need to remember that there is more than you now...you have a child.
2007-08-16 23:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋