daughter's safety?

Question

the other day, my daughter and her boyfriend got into a fight and he choked her, she calls me and tells me what happened, I immediately call the police to ask for assistance and sped home. He was arrested for assaulting her and she now blames me for ruining her life. BTW, she's 5 mos pregnant. They've had a volatile relationship from the beginning. All I was doing was acting on information she provided to me and protecting my child. Was I wrong?

Answer 1

No, you were not wrong...No decent man would choke their pregnant wife or gf...She needs to get the hell away from this coward before he kills her and the baby.

Answer 2

Nope, you weren't wrong at all!!! Don't ever think that protecting your child is the wrong thing to do, even if she's 50. She probably thinks she's "stuck" in this relationship now because she's pregnant. She should seek counseling for what's happened and along for what to do with her baby, to keep it, give it up, etc. That's a touch subject so I never preach on stuff like that =) It's good that he was arrested for that, and that will stay on his record permanently. But she's going to need to be able to continue to take further action in case you aren't around sometime for whatever the reason. If he's done this once he'll do it again, but you probably already know it. Good luck and best wishes!!

Answer 3

No your not wrong.. How would she have felt if you didn't give a damn? She would of have felt so alone.. I think it is a cry for help.. but since she is prego, she is probably afraid to be alone...but I rather be alone then deal with a P-rick like that.... It will only get worse.... and when the baby comes around (crud, he could cause her a mis-carriage, she should be worried about that) he could get far more worse then he is.. and if that is a case, step in regardless of what she thinks or feels.. I know here in Oregon grandparents have almost more rights then the parents (Grandparent Law)... Your right and she is overreacting.. he may try to tear the two of you apart.. watch out for that... good luck..

Answer 4

I really have to wonder why you even need to ask this question! No, of course you weren't wrong. Your daughter...I was going to say that she's an idiot for blaming you, but I think perhaps there's more to it. Emotional immaturity comes to mind, as does low self-esteem and self-worth. I don't know your daughter or her situation from the brief description you gave, but anytime one person puts their hands around the neck of another with the intent to physically relieve their emotional frustrations, it crosses a line . At this point, any passer-by who happened to witness this happening should be morally bound to intervene. Physical safety is at stake, here. If a cop happened to drive by and see this happen, the guy would be in cuffs with his nose crushed on the asphalt quicker than you could spit. Abuse is unacceptable, be it verbal, emotional, sexual or physical. The fact that she blames you indicates that she needs help.

I don't know a great deal about abusive relationships, having never been in one, but from what I have read and understand, the abuser takes either someone who is emotionally immature (easier) or someone who is emotionally stable and slowly imperceptibly shaves away their self-esteem, eventually cutting them off from their family and friends, and (depending on the abuser) may become physically abusive. The abuse is often followed up by lavish damage control, in the form of profuse grovelling, tears, gnashing of teeth, etc. He may also treat her like a queen for while, foot rubs, dinner out, flowers, jewelry and whatnot. But it's not actual change; it's just him patching up the damage he did with bubble gum and duct tape. He slips back into the abusive behaviour (maybe escalating it) as soon as he can afford to. If any of this is wrong, someone in-the-know please do correct me.

Urge your daughter to seek help. Contact your local police department and ask them for the numbers/web addresses of local resources for abused women.

My prayers go out for all three of you. Blessings.

Answer 5

No you weren't wrong. However if you want to avoid any more of the confrontations with your daughter, tell her to make up her mind what is she wants. Tell her to make a choice, either the abusive boyfriend or home. Tell her she can't have both and if she chooses the boyfriend that you do NOT want her calling you everytime he beats the crap out of her unless she is in hospital, and I can guarantee he is going to beat on her more and more the longer this relationship goes.

Answer 6

You were not wrong. If he does it now he will do it for ever. you should get in touch with he local police and get some victim advocacy information for her and educate her on the chances of it being a one time thing. which are very slim. She deserves to be treated with respect. and the fact that she is pregnant makes the fact that he has no concern for her or the baby. Get a restraining order also.

Answer 7

You protected her you did right , but you have issues with her best get her some help as it's only going to get worse. She is caring a child an this treatment is not good for the baby>To bad you didn't ruining her live sooner?? Good luck with raising 2 children?

Answer 8

You were not wrong and you have more self control than me because anyone lays a hand on my baby and that bastard may not live to see another day. Who cares if she thinks you ruined her life this dip **** should not be putting his hands on her even more so because she is freakin pregnant. I think you did the wright thing and I would keep an eye on your daughter

Answer 9

A+ Good job! Don't worry about your daughter telling you that you ruined her life. You may have actually saved it. I don't know how many times I have been convinced that my parents were out to ruin my life.... but looking back on it all *having kids helps with this* I can see that everything they did, they did to make my life better. And for that, I could never thank them enough. Now, my mission in life is to be as good to my kids as they were to me.... even if that means ruining their life here and there. ;-)

Answer 10

You acted appropriately. I cannot imagine the feeling that you had when your daughter called you with that information and not sure how you controlled yourself by taking the right steps.
I would probably freak out and make the boyfriend sorry for hurting my daughter. Therefore, congratulations on taking the appropriate steps!

Answer 11

Well, you probably didnt go far enough but you did the right thing and didnt do something stupid like I may have done. I would have probably beaten this worm down. Your daughter is angry because she has low self esteem and feels now that you have threatened her relationship to someone she shouldnt be with as this is probably not the first time something like this has happened to her.