...cheer me up? I've had a bad day!
If you can say something to make me laugh...it would really help!
2007-08-16 10:34:47 · 39 answers · asked by Jen Ortiz 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
How about a joke?
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his redheaded wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his redhead with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman, and your brother."
Ha ha ha! And I AM a redhead, so that makes it even funnier!
Hope you feel better : )
2007-08-16 10:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by Jelyol 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I need a good laugh too. My whole weeked was sucky and I just feel like crap!!!!
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask falling bird turd?"
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
2007-08-16 10:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by Tea Crazed Person. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
2) OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
3) A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
4) It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."
5) One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
*****These are some of my favorites, hope they made you smile; shucks.... you look real purdy when ya smile {:>)
2007-08-16 11:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
2007-08-16 10:42:22 · answer #4 · answered by yula d 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about you start prank calling phone numbers in the phone book, that cheers me up.
2007-08-16 11:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by Super Suns Fan a.k.a. Supergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just looking at you will Brighten any guys day...what can I say? Cheer up Sweetie you look gorgeous! So let's see a Big smile on your face! I am sending a sincere ((((((HUG))))))) and a Star!!!
2007-08-16 10:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
One night, a man with no voice and his friend went to a bar. The men at the bar wanted to know what he would like in a woman. He pointed to his head. His friend explained that he wanted a smart woman. Then, he rubbed his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend explained that he wanted a woman with money. Then, he opened his hands wide, bent his fingers, and made them cupped. He bounced them under his chest. His friend looked at him kinda weird.
"What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
i like this one ;)
2007-08-16 10:42:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
CHEER UP! ;) Go to the joke section here...
WHy did the chicken cross the playground?
To get the other slide.
heheheeh..feel better?
2007-08-16 10:40:28 · answer #8 · answered by CAT 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Miss Jen, Hon I love you. Don"t be sad you have your inheritence to look forward too ! You are the heir to the vacumumn company aren"t you?
2007-08-16 10:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im having a bad day too :-(
im trying to watch some tv and help some people on here
other than that... my friend got a ticket for urinating in public when he had to pee in a gatorade bottle at the fair
2007-08-16 10:41:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋