CONSIDERING A DIVORCE. Need Advice/Help?

Question

Me and my husband have known each other for over 2 yrs. We just got married July of this year. We have a 1yr old son. My husband is 38, and I am 20 soon to be 21. I got married because I felt it was the right thing to do , rather than live in sin. I love him, But the age difference is really starting to push things into huge problems. Our views are totally different, and sometimes I think its a good thing. I feel that we are the same in some ways. But then again we tend to bump heads on other things. Another thing is MY FAMILY DONT LIKE HIM AT ALL. I dont have any friends because I am not from this city. We moved here after Hurricane Katrina. I feel that I am too young to be married to someone so old, and settled in their ways. I know that he wont change his ways at all. He is getting older. I consider myself quite young . I feel bad because I should've gave it more thought but like I said I love him. I dont feel that counseling will help at all. NO RUDE REPLIES, YOU WILL BE REPORTED!.

Answer 1

Get a divorce. You are correct in all your concerns. You will never agree and I understand why your family doesn't like him at all. They probably feel he took advantage of your lack of maturity in comparison to his. You have a lot of living to do and you can share the responsibility of the child with him. Pray and ask for guidance. What does your gut say, not the lovey mushy stuff, your actual gut?

Answer 2

If you are not open to counseling.....then WHAT are you looking for?
A magic potion?
A genie's lamp?
A wishing well?

You sound every bit 20 when you are in denial of needing some serious counseling. Both of you need an unbiased person to help guide you into finding common ground for your marriage. It HAS to be more than the sex, guilt, and child to keep you two together!

You need to find hobbies in common, a church you both can share worship, vacation spots you like, common retirement goals, etc. etc.

If you're looking for some snap-shot answer, then you won't find it. Anything that involves human relationships is hard, takes time, patience, and energy. If you don't want or care to work at your marriage, then it is false. Time to step back and take a deep look at yourself and see WHY you got married, and WHAT you want in your marriage from now on. The WHY and the WHAT need to be the same! The SAME.

If they aren't, then leave your pride at home and get in to see someone who can help heal what wounds have started, what ideals you need to review, and get some good ideas of what both of you can do to patch up and build a New relationship a New marriage that will last much longer than even the two years you dated.

You need to fight for this for your son. Stop talking yourself into the excuse that you were "too young" to marry. That is bunk! Some maturity on your part would help save your marriage. Get movin' now! Fix this marriage - Absolutely No Divorce. Not an option now.

081607 4:20

Answer 3

Try not to focus on the age difference / family issues and look at the man himself. You havent really said anything that is wrong about him except for the fact that hes older. There are alot worse things out there than that. Is he a good father? Does he love you properly. Different views is a good thing; that is how you compliment each other and bump your family; they are not the ones who married him. So dont let their opions SCARE YOU AWAY. Im sorry that you feel you rushed into marriage but you havent really given a valid reason to leave him. Pray and ask God to help you concentrate on the good things about your husband and atleast give it a year or so since there is no immediate danger. I know you are young; but marriage is hard work regardless of the age difference.

Answer 4

Couples fall apart for many personal reasons and one of that is when one of the partners ignores how the other feels. Two years being married would be considered still in the honeymoon phase. However your story says otherwise. Only you have to answer for your self. If your husband wants the marriage to work out, maybe you would like to give it a chance. But if you think, there is no love left, move on. We live in a country when you are given freedom to choose your life and Divorce as painful it may get, is still a choice we are all entitled to have. Just as long as you and your husband act responsibly towards your one yr.old son to make the transition easier for him at all possible. Good luck girl.

Answer 5

Well you knew that he was older before you got married so I have a Q for u, why did u? And if u truely love him why does the age matter? You haven't even been married a good 6 mon. yet and already want to end it. Maybe it is just that you dont want to be tied down in marriage. I think that it is somethingyou need to figure out on ur own cause no one can tell you what u need to do ur the one living it. But being u commited in vows to be with him you should give it all u got before u walk away.

Answer 6

You are not that much younger. I know couples where the age difference is 26 years and one where the age difference is 30 years. All of them get along well. It is normal to have different views on things at times--even with couples of near same age. The point is that you need to decide weather you love him, because I think that's what the real issue is. Another point is what's best for the child? There are too many broken marriages with children growing up in single parent households, so if you decide to leave, is that best for your child? So there is a lot to be considered. Good Luck

Answer 7

I dont think its the age difference thats the prob i think its his personality. My husband is much older then i and i got married at 18. The first 3 years were the most worse years of my life. I wish i never got married during those times but the best thing ever was when I really did leave. When i came back he changed and became more open minded and begged for me to come back.I think you should give it a try let him know why your leaving be calm about it at the same time you know if you really want a divorce its easy to say it but is it easy to live it..

Answer 8

"I got married because I felt it was the right thing to do , rather than live in sin."

o_0?
So... you didn't marry because you really liked him and wanted to have a family with him? Or you didn't marry because it would've make you both happier? You married because you're scared of God?

I don't think God approves living a lie, and neither should you... I think it'll be better (in the end, not necessarily at first) for you to reconsider your committment, you do have a child, you don't want to raise a child in an unhappy marraige, that teaches children that love is a lie. You yourself feel longing for a life you lost for no real tangible reason... I think you really need to talk this out with someone, a good friend who cares, or a family member you trust, even if they're far away right now, there's gotta be someone close to your heart who can help you find your feelings and yourself.

PS: it's okay, don't feel bad or guilty about these thoughts, I'm sure ALL marraiges and couples go through some doubts at sometime, it's just human nature.

PSS: Sometimes we gotta make or find our own happiness, it makes it easier for God to bless us with it.

Answer 9

Ouch. Tough one.

First - i would really take some time to sit down with him, and talk about this.
I agree that the age difference is a bit much, but if you really love one another, it shouldn`t be a problem.

Your family is a different matter. You might want to talk to them about WHY they don`t like him. Perhaps they have seen something, or know something they haven`t told you, yet.

If you are unhappy - then see if you can find out WHAT causes your unhappiness.
Is it the 'loss' of your family ?
Is it the feeling that you and your husband are sometimes totally alien towards one another?
If you can find that, maybe you can find a way to change things?

In all honesty - you need to take lots of time to think, talk (both with family and hubby) and base your decision on the outcome of this process.
Take your time. You won`t be able to make a decision in an hour or so.

I wish i had a clear cut solution - but this really is something you (and your husband) need to work out between you.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

My husband was 13 years older than me. At first it didn't seem like a big deal, but after a while I realized that I was still growing up and changing, and he was as grown up as he was ever going to get. After 7 years, I had to call it quits. But before you decide to do something so drastic, try joining a group or finding a hobby you can do with other people. Even taking a yoga class or something will help you make some friends. You may get along better with your husband if you don't spend all of your time with just him.

Answer 11

First off, what where you thinking? Your so young to have married someone way to old for you. In your case I would really have to ask you, what do you mean he wont change his ways? Has he ever cheated on you? Is he a boring grumpy person? Don't know I mean you would really have to think about it. I'm going trough a hard time in my marriage because I got married so young too. I got married when I was19..now we have a little boy and my husband is so inattentive with him and me. On the weekends he plays on line videos games and eats all day. The worst part is that he has a Porn addiction and that is destroying our marriage. My question to you would be, what is destroying your marriage? Good luck on whatever you decide. God Bless!