My partner is 38 and I'm 21. I love him so much and of all the men I've been with, he is by far the most amazing and loving one. I want to be with him, the only thing that i'm worried about time. I won't be ready for children until I'm finished all my post-grad, and that may not be until i'm 30! he'll be nearing 50 by then and... then what? Is that too old to have kids? I love him so very much since we met on a age-gap-relationship club http://www.beep.com/memberdateien/members/agegap/agegap.htm and want to be with him, but he has expressed fears that I may leave him in a few years and then I'll be fine, young still. He'll be middle-aged and so... If i thought that we would age well together I'd have no doubts... what do people think? has anyone been through this sort of thing before? I'd appreciate some input.
2007-08-16 09:53:20 · 11 answers · asked by bennie l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
men have no deadline for when they have to stop reproducing, unlike the woman...
go for it..who is to say it won't work...it is your life
2007-08-16 09:57:27 · answer #1 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, talk to him - does HE feel he will be "too old"? Does he want children? I don't think 17 years is such a huge age difference. I was married before, to a guy 16 years older than I, and age had nothing to do with why we are not together anymore. A friend of mine's husband is 23 years older than her, they've been married for 12 years and have 2 kids; she's in her late 30s, he's in his early 60s, their youngest daughter is 5. Paul McCartney had a kid at like 62. It really depends on how the two of you feel about the situation.
2007-08-16 10:15:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Statistically speaking the age difference would
be a factor for the relationship not to work, but
realistically speaking you are very young and do
not have the experience he has, however he could
be ready to settle down and be only for you, that is
why you need to sit down and examine yourself
mentally, as do you want to be with this guy the
rest of your life, and definately stay and finish your
education as you can help the family once you
graduate. It can work , but there will be many
stubling blocks that you need to conquer, but if
you and him are determined and committed to
each other , you both will get through it and you
both can be happy and work togeather. Don't
worry about him being too old to be a dad be-
cause as long as he can still reproduce he can
still be a dad. Good luck.
2007-08-16 14:37:26 · answer #3 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you are still at relatively the same maturity and physical level. But in years to come, you may not be as compatible. Marriages with such a large life experience gap usually will not last. I have not been in that situation, but a close friend was and the insecurity of the older person grows as they age. They were married when she was 24. At 30, her husband was 46 and that's when it ended. They are both now remarried to people closer to their own age and have been with those people for over 15 years.
2007-08-16 10:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there! I just want to let you know that me and my husband has a 20+ yrs. age gap and does it work for us? Yes, it does.
I've also been in a relationship with a guy my age, but we just don't communicate well enough for us to be able to understand each other. With my husband, I found the stability of mind that I am looking for.
Like you, I also love my husband so much that age really doesn't matter to me. When you are in a relationship, the only thing that should matter is how well you get along and how the two of you share the same values and goals in life. You may be 21, he may be 38 but I'm sure that your level of maturity matches his own and that is important. I would like to mention that I am only 24 so I am close to your age.
So, there is really nothing to worry about. Remember, age is just a number, nothing more. Goodluck to both of you!
2007-08-16 10:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
50 isn't too old to have children for a man, but if you don't find the idea of being a single mother attractive, you should probably find someone closer to your own age. by the time your first child is 20, your husband will be 70 if a heart attack or some other health issue hasn't already gotten him. also, your husband will be retired by that time. so, are you ready to send kids to college on one income and one fixed income? i think you should try to figure out why you are specifically searching for older men and why he is specifically searching for younger women. i would be uneasy about any man who is specifically searching for an impressionable, young woman. is he trying to mold you into the woman he wants? is he intimidated by women his own age? does he want someone that he can control more easily? also, with your husband being so much older, do you really think that he will be ok being a father at 50? will he pressure you to start your family sooner to accomodate his biological clock? are you prepared to have a 70 yr old with unknown health needs, a 20 yr old, and some child(ren) still in your house being raised at the same time? that sounds like a very stressful situation that could be avoided.
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2007-08-16 10:29:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably not, if you were 31 and he was 48 is would have a better chance, no offense, you are very young and at an extreme disadvantage experience wise.
At 21, I sure hope you do not have a long list of men to compare him to....Egads!!
PS, My hubby is 13 years older than I am, *BUT*, I was 37 when we hooked up.. Big difference. We did have some age things to overcome, mostly his problem LOL
2007-08-16 09:57:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you this but it won't work. I have been there before. You will meet someone who is compatible to you in every way, especially age and you will be able to share the things that people your age share, like growing together. The only thing a 21 and 38 year have in common is sex. One day it won't be enough to keep you together. He will always feel insecure and you will have to totally devote yourself to his happiness by neglecting your own to keep this relationship. I watched it happen to my father too. Eventually you go up and you change and life become intentional not what you feel like at the time. God bless and may your life be all that you truly desire it to be.
2007-08-16 10:06:42 · answer #8 · answered by kyle g 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, you will probably leave him or cheat on him. You're only 21. He's a different generation man. He's probably stable and ready to settle down. And of course he's going to treat you like a freakin' queen...YOU'RE 21 AND HE'S 38! To a man that old, it's a great feat when he lands a 21 year old woman.
2007-08-16 09:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know people that are 15 years apart and have bin happily married for over 18 years it can work
2007-08-16 09:58:23 · answer #10 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋