This was supposed to be a temporary situation. We have no children yet. Everytime I tell my husband that I think it's time he moves out he says where is he going to go. He babies him and to top it off he is so dirty. I don't mind picking up after my husband but not another grown man. I feel like a prisoner in my own home and I can't even wear my lingerie around freely like I used to. I hate being at home because he is there. Is my husband not being a man by babing him and not telling him any rules or that it's time to hit the road?
2007-08-16 09:50:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Successful marriages depend on two way communication and consideration of one another's feelings. It is time to speak politely but frankly with your hubby. Tell him that his brother living with you has gone on so long that it is having a detrimental effect. Explain that the fiber of your marriage (what holds it together) is being damaged under the current circumstances. Tell him you love him and you don't want your relationship to be permanently damaged . If he truly loves you he'll get the message and do something about it. (If you think it is prudent you might call a meeting with him and his brother and explain that in front of both of them. Nothing personal, it's just that you want to have a private home life with your hubby, not your hubby and his brother).
Give it a month or so and if that doesn't work tell your hubby, "either the brother goes or I go." You'll find out then just how much your man loves you. If you have to I suggest you go stay with a relative or a friend for awhile so he can think about not having you around anymore.
Good luck.
2007-08-16 10:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for taking in your brother in law. If he's excited about the homeschooling it sounds like you are on the right path. I know it's hard with you not being too much older than him. You can be his friend, but you are also in a parental position. He needs to know what the ground rules are. You and your husband are the adults in the household and you set the rules. I would definitely set a curfew and be sure that he knows that drugs and alcohol are off limits while he is living with you. When he's 21 and your 26 drinking in your home might be a different story, but for now you all have to remember that you are the adults and he's the minor. Besides, if his parents are addicts, he should really avoid drugs & alcholol. Just set fair rules and make sure he knows what's expected of him. Try to stick with the homeschooling, but if it doesn't work out, he should get a part time job. If he's 15 doesn't he legally have to be in school? Also while he should definitly help out aroung the house and if your comfortable with him taking care of your child that's ok occasionally, don't treat him as a live in maid or babysitter.
2016-05-20 16:24:23 · answer #2 · answered by valerie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about this situation..It must be very stressful for you!
I guess I agree with other answers...You need to talk things over with your husband and explain that you cannot deal with this any longer. Tell him what you told us: that you feel uncomfortable in your home; that you don't like to pick up after his brother, and that you feel you have already been very patient with this situation.
Your husband will feel like the ham between the sandwich- he'll have to choose between his brother and his wife. (But then again, I don't understand WHY his brother is living there to begin with. Doesn't he have parents?) Your BIL has to be given an ultimatum: "We need you to move out by October..."
You have to remind your husband that he chose you when he married you....And that you feel you are being neglected and that this is not good or healthy for your marriage. Your privacy and a lot of your "couple time" is jeopardized by your brother-in-law's presence....Any smart man can see that !
I ams sorry but I think you will have to be ready for a row...If your husband does nothing ....and doesn't take a stand- backing you and asking his brother to leave in a couple of months- you will have to either accept this situation or consider a separation. Good luck!
2007-08-16 10:21:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands priorities are wrong.
His brother is a "man" who needs to be out on his own or at least living with his parents if he's going to college or a trade school.
You need to be firmer about this. Tell your husband that when you married him you didn't bargain for what you got. Give him a certain amount of time to have his brother gone or YOU will be gone.
2007-08-16 10:03:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you talk to the brother. Don't be shy its your home to and he needs to grow up. Hes living off of you two. IF you husband won't tell him you do it. I went through the same thing. They are like roaches you just cant get rid of them. You have to end this though. You two need your space. Tell your husband to live with you or to live with him at motel 6
2007-08-16 09:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kari you have every right to complain. Your brother-in-law is certainly old enough to be responsible for himself...assuming he is mentally capable. Have a serious talk with your husband. You didn't get married to him to share your life with his brother too. If your husband refuses to pay attention, consider urging him to couples therapy. Sometimes this can really help.
2007-08-16 09:56:14 · answer #6 · answered by judgebill 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
time to put your foot down and walk out and not return until the brother goes
2007-08-16 13:20:10 · answer #7 · answered by Dr Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatum time..brother or you.
2007-08-16 10:14:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋