How can I "test" him to see if he will cheat again?

Question

My husband has cheated on me in the past and has vowed never to do it again, however I do not trust him fully (he recently started going to a strip club because we just moved to a small town and there truly are no other clubs around here. He has never gone to strip clubs in the past)...How can I test him and see if he's being truly honest? I have thought about suggesting a threesome just to see what his response would be and if he says yes (which I fear he may) then I will know that he is not being honest in his stopping cheating vow. I want to know because if he is going to cheat again, I want to leave him, however I am worried to know what his answer will be and I am really worried that if I suggest that, he might one day actually show up with somebody or get a crazy idea. What should I do I need to trust him, but I feel the need to test him to see if he's being honest. Suggestions?

Answer 1

first open your eyes...if you offer a threesome hell yes he is gonna accept...this is the #1 fantasy for just about all men on earth...wise up..unless you really wanna do this...do not make the offer..

you either trust him or you don't...there is no inbetween

Answer 2

Regarding the suggesting a threesome, you get into really sticky moral ground there. Is it really cheating if you're okay with it? And if you suggest it, that kind of implies you're okay with it. See where I'm going? If he thinks you want a threesome, even if he didn't want one, he might feel bad enough about cheating on you to let you have one. If you want to find out if he's going to cheat on you, you need to make sure there's no way there can be any question about what *you* want the answer to be. But if you say to him, "I don't want a threesome, do you?" the answer is going to of course be "no."
Better would be to have one of your friends or co-workers go to where he's at the strip club, and see if she can get him to buy her a drink and make a move on her.

Answer 3

You don't trust him. That's all you need to know. A "test" won't tell you anything new or of value: if he gives you the right answer, are you really going to be satisfied, or will you worry that he just guessed at what you wanted to hear?

You need to be open and honest with your feelings, and encourage him to share his with you. The only way you will ever be able to trust him again is if you feel that there are no more secrets between you, on either side. Unfortunately, things may never get to that point, but you have to give it a good faith effort.

Answer 4

I think you already know. If he's doing things to make you question him, it usually means he is. Trust your instinct. A man who has cheated and has gotten away with it, even though has promised it wouldn't happen again, usually does do it again, for the simple fact he got away with it the first time. That's what I think, by experience, but I have to admit there are probably some exceptions to the rule. Don't play games, just come to the point and ask and again trust your instinct. It usually will be right. If you try to test him and he finds out, it could backfire in your face. Just be careful if you do!!!!!

Answer 5

Cheated on you, & now he's going to strips clubs.. WOW! The odds are yes, he will cheat again. But everyone makes mistakes & a mistake can change a persons life, & worthy of a second chance. First of all you need PEACE of mind. Not just a little piece. Whole PEACE of mind. What you must ask yourself is.... is it worth it? Obviously trust is an issue. If you can't trust him, are you better off without him? If you dont know if he will cheat again... are you better off without him?

Answer 6

You've moved and now he's going to strip clubs? What kind of a jerk did you marry? YES he will cheat on you again! He's out looking at women already. Have yourself tested for STDs, okay? My guess is that he's already cheating. You can't trust him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he could be trusted, he wouldn't be out at strip clubs, he'd be home making you happy.

Answer 7

If you are suggesting a threesome, and he says yes - how is this cheating? It's like if he took away your credit card so you couldn't spend money, and then asked you if you wanted to go shopping together. Wouldn't you say yes? You're stupid. Either you trust a man or you don't - pick one. He might cheat again, he might not, you never know. Make a decision and stick with it.

Answer 8

If you feel the need to do so, then it is over and there is nothing he can do to help you get over this. Move on. You either bellieve him or you dont.

To add
In a mans mind a threesome that involves you that YOU suggest is not cheating. That is setting him up for failure, you dont do that to the men you are supposed to love.

Answer 9

Don't suggest a 3 some, if he complies it will be your fault, because by suggesting it, you are saying it is okay with you.
Just follow him, go to the club and see what goes on there. Lots of woman do go with men to strip clubs.Or if you have a good friend he has never seen, send them in to spy on him. Also keep a close eye on his computer site, emails, chat rooms, IM's. You can access all his stuff with a webwatcher, or key logger. Keep a close eye on the bank accounts and make sure every dime is accounted for. Check his phone every day for calls and voice mails, check the phone bill for a detailed list of calls too. Find out if he goes where he says he is going. Don't sit there with your eyes shut, cause cheaters don't usually tell on themselves, so you will have to be the detective. You have every right as his wife to find out what he is up to.

Answer 10

Ok, "testing" your husband is a bad idea. What you're actually proposing is deceiving your husband, which is certainly not going to help build trust in your relationship.