Please help?

Question

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for a few months, however remained in contact mainly as he wanted to stay in contact. I wanted to cut all contact with him but he was begging me not to. He was the one who broke it off with me. We have been arguing lately mainly because I still have lots of feelings for him and I get emotional. I asked him to call me on Sunday but he said he can't and I got really upset and told him that he should not contact me again. He texted back and he was pretty angry. We had arranged to meet up face to face in a couple of weeks but now he is now saying he isn't sure he still wants to meet. He said to give him a week to feel better as he needs time to digest our arguments. Why does he need all this time? I texted him today and asked him to be ok with each other but he told me that he hates being forced like this. He sounded pretty angry? I just don't know what to do? I am so powerless? He is showing me a wall?

Answer 1

He's an ex-boyfriend - just move on, don't let his problems be yours. Don't give him a choice about staying in touch, you need to be rid of him so you can get on with your life. See what he is doing to you now? You don't need this. Don't message him and don't answer his messages, just ignore him and get back to living without his headaches being yours.

Answer 2

Ok hunni, here's what you do: Read through what you just wrote. Do you hear any alarm bells? Well, you should. He's got you right where he wants you - jumping through hoops (his hoops) to the tune of 'Nah, Nah, Nah - Nah, Nah.
You wanted to break all contact he didn't. After some perfectly timed man - whinging you backed down. Your feelings for him are still there but are slowly descending into hatred. All he has to do is create an argument, make you feel guilty and you'll do anything to get the whining to stop.
I don't mean to be rude, but just take a deep breath, strap on a pair and tell the smug little whinger you've had enough and if he contacts you again you might have to inform the police about his 'harrassment'. It may seem harsh but your only other choice is to get used to life under his thumb. Simple as. Take care, xx.

Answer 3

I think you are both playing mind games here; him, because he knows how you feel about him, and maybe likes having you on a string; and you, because you are sort of expecting this emotional response from him that he is not giving, and so you are getting yourself all upset.
This is a no-win situation; you are still too involved with him, and he is using that aginst you; on the other hand, I think he still feels strongly about you too.
It's going to be very hard to do; but let him make the next move. Don't text him or call him. That will let you feel you are in control of your life again. Get busy, even if your heart is heavy. Go out and socialise, meet friends, go clubbing, whatever it takes. He can't have it both ways; your instinct was correct in the beginning - keep a low profile for a few days, or weeks. That will put the ball firmly in his court.

Answer 4

He is playing you and you are letting him do so because you are still emotionally involved. You were right when you said you wanted to cut all contact at the beginning. Had you done so, you would not be suffering now. For him, it is over, but he likes the security of you hanging on by your fingernails. If you are smart, you will release yourself from the certain pain that will eventually come and walk away with some self respect before you give that away as well.

Answer 5

You sound desperate and that will push away anyone. You are behaving like an attention seeking child. He told you he wanted to think and you are selfishly attempting to deny him some headspace and you are doing this out of fear.

You need to take a step back and go spend time with your family or other loved ones or read a book or go for walks or do anything other than obsessing about this man. The only thing you will achieve is to push him away forever.

How would you feel if you were in his shoes and he were behaving so terribly? I would think you'd want to run for the hills.

Answer 6

It seems to me he doesn't know what he wants. Why put up with all the drama? Just leave him alone until he can decide. Guys like this seem to want to be free because something else has peaked their interest, but want to keep a tiny thread attached to an ex just in case it doesn't work out. If he isn't ready to commit completely to you, let it go, now, before you are hurt more than you are already.

Answer 7

He is palying games with you - the fact that you dated is irrelevant. The reason he gets angry is because when you respond to him you spoil the game of seeing how long he can keep you hanging on. Change your phone number; do not respond to him at alll no matter what he does or the names he calls you (which he will - his type are actually very predictable)and stop texting him . texts are for fantasists not people in real relationships.
CVut yourself off from him and move on.

Answer 8

Reverse tactics, show him the wall. You are too needy and clingy and he has his thumb on your head. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. Find something else to do. Don't call him, text him, email him, don't look for him nothing. He will come around, if you can be strong enough to hold out. He will want to find out why you are not the insecure one anymore. He will become the insecure one. It works if you do it right. Be strong, don't give in to contacting him. Good luck.

Answer 9

This is hard but you have broken up and need to move on!Don't meet him or argue with him because although it hurts it's over. Don't ease his guilt by seeing/talking to him.If he doesn't want you kick him out of your life. Get on with your life. Go out with friends etc but mainly look after yourself because you are worth it.Good luck.

Answer 10

These two statements are diametrically opposed: "He broke it off with me." "I still have lots of feelings for him."

He broke it off with you because he doesn't want you. Have some self-respect and move on. Find someone who wants you and give that man your feelings. Don't waste them on someone who isn't returning your feelings. Stiffen up your backbone, and break off all contact with this guy. He is breaking down your self-esteem more and more as you stay in contact.