Is there a way to prevent bad dreams?

Question

Every few weeks or so, I have awful dreams about my first love coming back into my life and trying to wreck my marriage. In these dreams, neither my first love, nor my husband (who I love beyond compare) act like I know they would act in real life. My first love would never do that, and my husband would never be a jealous freak and try to fight for me. But these dreams keep coming back. I wake up in tears, and it even takes me awhile to gain any comfort from my husband, because my mind is still stuck in the dream, where he was horrible, rather than in reality, where he will hold me gently all night long if that's what it takes for me to feel better. I hate these dreams. Does anyone know of a way to make them stop? or what may be causing them?

My first love is still a close friend of mine. I still love him like family, but specifically chose not to pursue a future with him, and still believe it was the right choice. However, there was never any real closure between us - simply an unspoken understanding that we could never be together (we never were a couple).
My husband is by far my best friend, and I love him more than anyone, ever. I wouldn't trade him for the world, and have never doubted our relationship or our marriage.

by my first love coming "back into my life" I meant physically showing up and telling me he loves me :-p He is deployed right now, and lives 2 states away when he is home, but we do e-mail and such.

Answer 1

In nursing, many of my dying patients had terrible nightmares. Guess what I found to be a big help in reducing them? A big bowl of cereal with sugar and milk a half an hour before going to bed. That also, per research, pretty much cures night terrors, which are different from nightmares.

Answer 2

Ok, first off, when we dream, we are dreaming of what could happen in our lives. We are sorta preparing for life's events in dreams, and this is why many of us don't really think about dreams because of what they tell.

It sounds like your friend (your first love) is still your first love. It is always hard to let those people go. This is where you need to seek closure on this. Since you have that unspoken bond, maybe it is time that you create that bond and tell him why it couldn't of never worked out between the two of you and why you had to move on. That would be the first thing that I would do, even if I had to email him, send him a letter, sing it to him, any way shape or form so that he can understand the "why".

The other thing that I would do, and I do this every night, I read about things that make me smile. I look at my husband, I think of my kids, I think about when my husband and I are old and sitting on the porch in our rocking chairs, just anything that is a feel good story. They say that too, when people dream, they tend to dream about what they last saw on the news, or read in the paper, or a novel, etc...

But I think that it is that "unspoken" word, that needs to break and both of you need to come clean, or just yourself, and let it all out to him. You also need to ask your husband how he feels when you communicate with him. He sounds like he a reasonable man and understands that this person has been in your life for so long, but now you need to focus on the most important man in your life, and that is your husband. If you have to break all bonds with him, and that is going to extremes, but discuss with him, what would be the best thing for you to do. He is your best friend, and he should know about what is affecting you in your sleep.

Good luck to ya!!!

Answer 3

Interesting..... See theres a secert to concuring bad dreams but it means you think about it before you go to sleep. Doesn't matter when in the day, its just important that you confront the feelings. I think your hearts in conflict and you dening it because quite frankly your able to give yourself to readily to your dream. Thats common for people that have a tendency to "flow" thru the day, and to short change there own feelings. Also realize you can come on here and paint a pretty picture of the situation but your dreams are telling you something else, there forcing you to confront something, what it is I can't be sure because of the way you painted your situaiton. So ether your keeping something form us, or your keeping something form your self. What it might be is beyond me, but until you confront the truth of the feelings, this is going to continue. Usually the treatment with dreams of this nature is take more and more about it and the details you see and feel, along with the emotions, and then you apply that to the reality you live in. But the tears more then anything give away a conflict inside of you, something hurts, and the dreams showing you so. I have my own dreams like this but there more around my personal situation and they force me to conflict my own feelings on my purpose in this life and what it is I'm searching for. In other words, dreams reflect you, its time for you to be more honest with yourself, also don't get distrated by the charaters in your story most of the time there not that important they represent something, that they make you feel. Such as the new love represents a feeling of conflict and changing coming into your stable situation, and your husbans behavior represents your insecurity in the relationship to handle this change. See dreams can be true just never take them completely literalty, because that kind of insecurities is extremely common in every relationship, no accepting that thou isn't. And that could be all your minds trying to do is make you feel that tiny bit of insecurity that well drive you to try harder in your marriage. Because quite frankly its natural and I get the feeling form your answer that you fighting that nature, no ones perfect;-)

Answer 4

If you meditate or think of certain things before going to sleep it can affect your dreams ~ so concentrate on beautiful thoughts as you are falling asleep. Also, try not to go to sleep on a full stomach and avoid heavy meals in the evening, as evidence shows this can cause trouble with sleep and may increase the chances of bad dreams. I know a little about it because I majored in psychology.

No matter how many studies have been done, sleeping and dreams remain mysterious. I usually pray before I fall asleep and that actually seems to keep my worries and fears at bay during the night.

Answer 5

When we dream, we are sorting and processing the day's information and thoughts, particulary those that we have right before bed. You are most likely worrying throughout the day, and it comes back as a dream when you wake up.