My friend almost raped but was she lying to me??? i dont know anymore?? help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

When my friend was assualted (sexually) i was the first person she had told but now i dont know if she is lying or not.

I went through that too and i always always there for her i dont know what to think anymore because when she told the police paul(the one who assualted her) was denying it and kitty(her sis) turned on her the only ones who were there for her was her mom out of her family. So she then told me that it was just a dream that felt real i got mad cuz i went through it and her saying that it was real got to me it made me angry! but later on she told me that it did happen but she didnt want to tell someone she didnt want anyone to turn their back on her and have her family be mad at her if paul went to jail so she jsut dropped it and now i dont know if she was lying or not? i remember what she would tell me she would cry everynight and she was depressed sad and just wanted to give up i dont think i girl that would cry like that would lie but why wasnt it so easy for her t

to move on? Now she has a boyfriend and she told him some time ago and now she says that paul and him are the best of friends what the ****?? why the hell would she move on so fast ??
WHAT HAPPENED: it was her birthday paul and kitty came over kristy was drunk and she went to sleep cuz she was tired paul came in sat beside her and then he touched her under her clothes and zipped her pants down he unbuckeled his belt lowered his pants and he stuck the tip in not all of it she said he fingered her and that was it she was scared and tired to do anything she was in shock This happened n 8th grade now we are both in 10th grade should i just drop it??

Answer 1

I think you should believe her until you know otherwise. I dont think you will eveer know the full truth so I would drop it for the sake of friends.

Answer 2

She may have just been wanting some attention and when she started getting in trouble she might have decided to drop it with as much dignity as she could. If she was just trying to get attention, I don't know that she would have used the name of someone she knew. She might have said, some guy raped her, and not specifically Paul. It could be that she was drunk and simply didn't know what happened to her and was scared or that she thought that since she was drunk, she might have been acting like it was okay and Paul didn't know she was scared. A lot of people who are sexually assaulted think that it was their fault or feel ashamed that this could happen to them so they drop charges or change their story when they come up against some people who don't believe them or treat them unkindly.
If it really did happen she may be telling people that she is over it simply because she doesn't want to deal with the pain. Denial is a common stage in grief.
If she was or was not raped, what she needs is some help in dealing with her feelings and some positive friendships that won't let her down. Just be there for her and try to trust her. You don't want to make a judgment about her and find out later that you were wrong.

Answer 3

Sounds to me to be a made up story. She keeps changing it, how could anyone believe her? 8th. grade and drunk? Problem #1. Too tired to move, too scared and in shock? I think not. My opinion is she was not 'almost raped'. Reporting it to the police, then dropping it so no one would turn their back on her and get mad at her is ridiculous. If it was that serious enough to go to the police, why should she care what anyone thinks? Moving on? She's moving on because I believe nothing happened. Then 'dating' her 'almost raped' guy's best friend? Shows even more that she made it up. Doesn't say much about being a friend, does it? This girl needs serious help.

Answer 4

Have you considered that when she told people what happened, everyone including her family and friends defended the guy who raped her.

Consider how you would react if everyone called you a lier and chose to believe the man who attacked you? How long would it take for you to change your story just so you don't feel isolated anymore.

Just talk to her one more time, alone, tell her you are there for her and ask for the truth. Tell her you wont talk to anyone else about what shes saying either. Maybe it really did happen but after her own family chose to not believe her, it seemed easier to say she was lying than continue to make her claim and get disowned completely?

Answer 5

Your friend is very confused and needs to get some real help! Talk to her about it. Dreams can be very real and maybe she has been through more then you think she has.
Mainly, if this guy is innocent- she needs to be honest. Dont go to her as an enemy or angry- but as a friend who will be there for her either way. i think she needs you right now.
I hope everything works out for the best for everyone inviloved in this sad mess.

Answer 6

I think it is the need for attention....just drop it and move on. I think it's kind of sad she feels the need to use such a serious subject to get the attention....but, some people don't have the good fortune to have a wonderful family and friends. Just count your blessings for what you have. I am sorry you had to go through what you did, tell her because of what you have had to deal with, you'd prefer she doesn't bring it up anymore. PLUS...if she keeps on with it, remind her that wrongly accusing someone could even land her in jail in addition to her ruining someone's life.

Answer 7

maybe he did touch her and you no that can be very frightful. and when family turns on you that is worse so i believe the story. she felt trapped either way she went so why not pretend it didn't happen. and people react differntly to trauma some people go wild and have sex all the time. others hide in shame . so dont mistake what she is doing now for a lie you think she told. give her the benifit of the doubt.

Answer 8

you cant question her.. right now all she needs is someone to believe her and be there. If she thinks even her best friends dont believe her then she will never do anything about it. The dream thing was probably a denial issue. No one wants to go through all the shame and guilt that a rape victim does and sometimes people feel its just easier to deny it. Support her..be there.. even if you have small doubts dont let her know that. Its better that you support her on this one.

Answer 9

The victim of rape often feels responsibility and guilt for what had occurred. You say you have had an experience like that. So then you decide since she failed to do exactly as you think she should have done she is a liar? Where is your compassion? Who are you to judge her? So she got over it faster then you think she should-BFD! You are not much of a friend to not have acceptance of her own way of dealing with the situation. You need to grow up.

Answer 10

In a lot of cases like that eventually the victim feels like it's not worth all the attention that she would generate. It's not wanted attention like winning something...it's more like shame. So although she was hurting, she would rather live with it than have everyone know. Also after four years it would be a dead case anyway, so lucky *** Paul has two more years. *crossing fingers*

Answer 11

She got that drunk in 8th grade? Holy crap. It's hard to tell different people deal with things differently. I would just let it go and be there for her if she needs you, and watch to make sure that she doesn't keep going for the wrong type of guys like some victims do. Just be there to help her.