My husband ignores me. His best friend (a coke addict) gets in my face and screams at me all the time, my husband does nothing, he works "for himself" so he has no schedule, I work full time at a real job, he drinks everyday and I feel super neglected. I never lived with him before marriage (only cause I was re-cooping from a bad accident) but we dated for 5 years. I feel hopeless and so depressed. I've discussed divorce with him but he WON'T communicate with me at all in regards to any issues I'm having; I'm at a loss I don't know what to do, I hate where we live, I'm starting to hate him and I don't even know how to go about a divorce. Help! any stories, words of wisdom please advise.
2007-08-16 06:46:55 · 19 answers · asked by Jersey Style 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay NO he doesn't sell drugs or do them, he is a contractor on homes
2007-08-16 06:56:26 · update #1
Yes, I knew about his bad behavior but then it stopped now it's back and worse than before. Yes, I made a bad decision and Yes, I'm paying for it, yes I feel like a complete idiot.
2007-08-16 06:58:10 · update #2
No Kids, and I know i made a mistake I feel like a total jerk and it kind of does make a difference when u live with someone. Thanks for the opinions though. I f*cked up royally I know!
2007-08-16 07:09:25 · update #3
Same thing happened to me, married less than a month, didn't live together before he "worked" fo rhimself too, he was using drugs and cheating with his ex. I called my parents who I never dreamed would understand (very religious) and they totally supported me getting the heck out. I felt like a failure and a loser for making such a bad choice but leaving him was the best thing I ever did. I made a much better choice the second time! You can do the same, it'll be the hardest thing ever but do it for yourself because you are a wonderful person and deserve better!
2007-08-16 07:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by dream girl 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Awe that's a terrible situation to be in . I've made my share of stupid mistakes so I'm not going to down you out for making a mistake. It doesn't look like a very bright future sticking with a man who would allow a friend to speak to you in any ill mannered fashion at all , he should have kicked the guys *** all the way out the door pronto and no excuse is good enough for not having done it then and there . I would get out of the house and stay with a friend or family member temporarily while filing for divorce and get a restraining order as well . No communication means no chance to better the situation , best get out before you become pregnant further complicating your situation immensely. I really feel for you but you really need to get away as quickly as you can dear seriously before you get hurt . Seek help immediately where you can find it . Best of luck to you sweetie.
2007-08-17 01:30:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you. If he's drinking every day he's probably an alcoholic & he's been able to cover it up because you haven't lived with him. They are pretty good at that. It's a rotten position to be in but dealing with an alcoholic is a no win situation. They are selfish people. Only if he goes to re-hab by his own choice will there be any hope for your marriage. Drinking gives them an excuse to not deal with anything so he won't change until the alcohol is gone from his life.
You shouldn't have to deal with his drug addicted friend. That's no marriage. Too many people in it.
It would be best to leave. It will send the message to him that you are not going to stand for it. Hopefully he will be at the stage to ask for help & go to re-hab. Tell him calmly & without an ultimatum. When he's sober he'll figure it out.
Whatever you do, don't feel embarrassed or responsible for his alcoholism. He'll probably try to put the blame on you but you need to be strong & move on. It's no disgrace to want a good life for yourself.
2007-08-16 14:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stop and think, do you see a future with this man?
If you see a future, then the following needs to happen:
1) Both of you in marriage counseling.
2) He needs to dump his druggy friend (guilty by association) and cut down the drinking.
3) You both need to communicate effectively (counseling will help).
4) You both need to respect each other.
Currently the situation you are in there is no marriage - your husband has checked out mentally already.
What ever you do, don't wait you either both have to get counseling and work to save the marriage or pack up and leave. Be thankful there are no children involved.
Good luck.
2007-08-16 14:17:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have a legitimate issue. I would not stand for abuse in my marriage, it is not a marriage that you have from the way things sound. Be a woman, a real woman and stand up tall and demand that you receive respect that a wife deserves. If not, leave. Divorce isn't complicated....after one month the courts might just grant you an annulment....not recognize it as ever being a marriage, you would have to ask a lawyer about that. Is sounds like a really lonely situation. I wouldn't tolerate it.
2007-08-16 14:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by Rein 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
His behaviour shouldn't come as any surprise to you since you dated him for 5 yrs. All of his bad habits were there for you to notice but you chose to ignore them and marry anyway. You don't need to discuss divorce with him, get an attorney, file the papers and have him served. In the meantime, find yourself a new place to live and spend time contemplating why you made the choice you did so you don't do it again with someone else.
2007-08-16 14:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you are so miserable already I won't kick you further...But really...What on earth were you thinking when you decided to marry this loser??? (( Slaps forehead))
OK...You have lemons...So MAKE LEMONADE !
ADMIT you made bad choices and THANK GOD you don't have any kids !!! Get a good lawyer and a quick divorce ASAP...
Drug addicts, cheaters, abusives and alcoholics DO NOT change ----so the sooner you pack and leave, the better!
Take control of your life...No one will respect or love you if you do not respect and love yourself FIRST !!!
Try to learn from these mistakes ....and ask God to help you make better choices from now on. Good luck!
2007-08-16 16:51:49 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl what can we say?? you knew this man for five years, I know you said you never lived with him, but it doesn't take living with someone to know when this someone is absolutely wrong for you.. but you here now and this is what you should do.. Get a divorce at once, one because this man is a drug addict and he is not showing any signs of caring or love towards you.. you may think that divorce is bad but in cases like this divorce is the only thing that can give your life back in track.. if he refuses to act right and refuses to stand up for your relationship with his friends, this is an absolute mistake.. please don't tell me you have kids with this man you didn't mention any so let's say you don't have kids with him, please please for the love of god leave him before you get pregnant.. You know this is the right thing to do leave him before he ruins your life. Hope you get this advice some hard thinking, save your life before he ruins it Leave is my advice..the divorce go to court house and ask how to begin divorce procedure they will guide you the right way.. good luck.
2007-08-16 14:01:35 · answer #8 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know you have had to have signs before you said I do. Alcohol means more to him then you right now. You might just have to take thing into your own hands and get an annulment. It's too soon for you to be feeling this way. Good Luck.
His friend needs to stay out of your house and go to rehab, seriously you should not be dealing with this when it's suppose to be the happiest time of your life.
2007-08-16 13:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by Mekia 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did you ignore signs before because i'm sure their were signs. 5 years of dating should have given you at LEAST a preview. I'd pack my crap and find a room or a place to stay and show him you mean business. Maybe..just Maybe that will get him to realize that your not just nagging..your serious Go file the papers yourself, don't waste your life away if he isn't even willing to communicate. Communication is key to any relationship and if there is none then why bother.
2007-08-16 13:58:24 · answer #10 · answered by ~ ♥ ~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋