I don't want to neglect my daughter, am i?

Question

When my husband and I got married we were in a very tight situation and VERY irresponsible, 4 months after we got married I found out we were pregnant. At first my husband worked full-time while I went to school full-time. We weren't rich but his job alone got us to survive. When my daughter was born I spent the first 5 months of her life at home, I was the stay at home mom and busted my as* at home, likemost of the mothers out there, When she got to be a little bit older than 5 months I decided it was time for a job. I worked as a hostes VERY part time. Making only 8 an hour, working 20 hours a week TOPS. This was BAD, becuase our rent doubled and no utilities were included. We were forced to move and I ended up quitting my job. We moved to a location where my husbands jo was all we needed. I attended school on the weekends for MA Certification. Eventually driving to school with only one car was bad becuase either my husband had to leave early to take me...(please wait 4 add. details)

Or I would have to leave school to pick him up. So we bought another car so to pay for this car I had to pick up another job, a good full-time one that would alow me free fridays and saturdays. Eventually I found a job but I had to postpone school. So after all that struggling we are okay now, but my husbands new job is seasonal and he went from worknig salary to commision. Currently I work full time Mon. - Fri. 8-5Pm and attend school Mon-Thurs 6-10 Pm. My husbands job doesn't start until 1 in the afternoon so my daughter doesn't attend daycare until 11 where she is picked up by a relative at 6 at then picked up by my husband at 8. My time with her is Fri.-Sun. Now winter is comnig and I am SO scared about our money. We are living comfortably now but as I mentioned my husbands job is seasonal. SO I decided to pick up another job every other weeken 2:45-10:45 Pm. We will be okay for sure now. But every1 is making me feel awful about the 2nd job. When all I want is to provide my child..

with all she needs. Her b-day is around X-mas. and I want her to be comfortable and I want my family to be comfortable. I will graduate school in January so that will be done in no time, but in the mean time. Am I really neglecting her when all I want is to give her the world?

I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR HAVING SUCH A LONG QUESTION!!!

Answer 1

I completely understand where you are coming from because I have been in your situation. There are a few things that you can do 1. Tell your husband that he needs to take on more financial responciablity in the relationship. There is no reason why you should have to work a full time job and a part time job and go to school full time. 2. Spend more time with you child, I understand where you are coming form as far as providing for her future but the time that you are away from her is unreplace able. Those are the time's that mean the most. 3. Yes winter is coming soon and so is Christmas it is inevatable it comes every year.
It sounds like me & you are alot alike tell your husband to step up and start to support you and your family. Yes it is 2007 and women are doing equal shares in the family but there is no reason why he can't get the 2nd job. You allready have 3. Mother first Work Second School Third, You do not need another job he does.

Answer 2

Yes you are. A child only has one childhood. What is she going to remember about her parents? Especially you. You have put money before your child. When she resents you later in life you can give her all the stories you want. But the fact will remain she will remember you not being there. Though she will try to understand, it will cause resentment.
I say this. Because there are ways. And if there are sacrifices to be made. Not spending or being physically there for the child. Shouldn't be the choice.
Rather finding another form, even if that means going without certain things. Don't bother telling me it can't be done. I am a parent. And have done without many so called needed things.
No health insurance at one time, no car. I have even let good job chances go by. Because I wouldn't have been able to see my daughter. The job called for hours that the time I would have been home. She would have been in school. It's your life your choice.

Answer 3

You're doing the best you can. Instead of criticising, do family members have any reasonable sugggestions on how you're going to make up the cash if you quit your second job? If not, they should just shut up. Or (LOL), when they tell you to quit you should ask them for $70 (not as a loan). I bet they stop criticising! If hubby's job is seasonal, can he do child care while he's off work? That would save $ and give more time to your daughter. So, you're saying you'll lose the second job when you graduate? It's only 5 months from now. Sure you feel crappy, but you can't be two places at once. You sound like you really love your daughter and are making choices which will benefit her. Hang in there!

Answer 4

you need to remember that it is not your job solely to provide for your child, it is also your husbands job too. Even if his job is seasonal, what is he going to do this fall and winter? sit on his butt and do nothing? he needs to get a temp. job through the winter months until it is time to work the other job, by doing this you will be able to spend more time with your child, and there will be no need of you having to take a 2nd job on top of all the other stuff you have going on. As long as you are taking care of your child and feeding her, bathing her, making sure that she is just well taken care of, then you are not neglecting her. On the other hand, if you are wondering if you are neglecting her due to the time you will be spending with her because of all the hours that you will be away from her, that is an answer that you will need to find yourself.

Answer 5

You're putting way too much detail in this forum, but I will say this. If your daughter spends less than 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, with a responsible, alternate care provider, and you are good, attentive parents when she's with you otherwise, then you are not neglectful. You need to manage your own anxiety, too, because that will make her anxious.

Please calm down. That and safe, reliable child care will give your daughter a great start. :-)

Answer 6

I would have a very hard time being gone from my child that much. Is there a reason why your husband can't take on some more work. Why would you be working that much when his work is seasonal. Doesn't that mean he won't have any work left soon? I personally would not do this because your child is only young once. But you know your finances and what you have to do to get by. What a tough situation.......

Answer 7

Know you are not neglecting your child, because of the economic it is taking two people to maintain house hole and everything else. When I was coming up, My mother had a bless husband to take care of her, she never had to work but she had to take care of the children and it was seven of us. But you know my father did it, he took care of all the responsibilities. But now sent everything has change it usu sally take two people to make end met. But you are not neglect your child if you have to work, because you do want the best for her. You and your husband is working to give her better thing in life, then she will not to want for nothing at this very moment.

Answer 8

ur doing fine, a lil paranoid but ur doing great! honey, just make sure that all that time that ur away from ur baby she's being taken care of. all this hard work that ur doing now, it will all come back to u double

Answer 9

What your doing is fine, we all need to survive. your daughter won't hold any grudges so stop stressing. you are doing whats best, and she'll understand.

Answer 10

How are you neglecting your daughter?