My hubby & I have being a little apart from each other in the past month frist because there where problems with my step-son(10yrs)who spend 2 moths with.But there was always a figth due to him & to his mom (always causing problems too) the kid left 2 weeks ago & we are still apart we have had relations only 4 times this past month which is not normal on us.I don't know if it can B the stress we spend the past 2 months figthing .We love each other but personally I have being feeling that I a mad @him or with anger. BUt can;t understand why! The vacations we had were ruined due to his child & mother (calling every 2 hrs) > I don;t know what 2 do it was so much this 2 months than the last time the kid came.My hubby tend be more on his side than on mine , so the kid didn't obey me @ all, soo in a way it did frustated me & my other kids did notice the difference on previleges, time outs & take aways. So I still think is was not fair. So I am guessing that all this caused me different ..
2007-08-16 05:51:19 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
feelings towards my hubby ..but I hate this situation (not the kid).. when I mention to talk about it he just change the subject.. What to do ?? I even suggest him that this weekend I was going to spend the weekend @ the beach with my kids to be away from him & think about this situation!! ANy advices please!! THANKS in advance ...
2007-08-16 05:53:31 · update #1
Instead, get a babysitter and take your hubby to a secluded place at the beach and make love.
Fair or not, don't let ex's or kids ruin your marriage.
2007-08-16 05:59:23 · answer #1 · answered by sadie_oyes 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I do not agree with the above poster. You're an adult and his step mother, your step son needs to be respectful and follow your rules.
Your husbands ex needs to butt out and he needs to tell her that her behavior is not normal or healthy and will not be tolerated. Hopefully, he has court ordered visitation. That means that the court has designated the time he spends with his child, HIS time with HIS child. So, the mother needs to only call to check on the boy and say goodnight. One brief call a day is enough.
Your husband needs to tell his son that you are an adult and an authority figure. That means that he is required to listen to you and respect you and your house rules. Unless the husband enforces the house rules, respect for adults and disciplines the boy, the problem you have with him will never stop. In fact, it could even spill over into how the boy behaves in school or with other adult family members and friends.
If you can't convince him to pull it together and put rules and boundaries on both his son and his ex, you might want to have a marriage counselor help.
If he refuses to make changes or go to counseling, then you will have to decide if you can life with this situation. if not, then it looks like you might be heading for a divorce.
2007-08-16 06:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all when you got involved with this man you new he had child from a previous marriage and this is going to take time for this young man get use to this realationship between you and his father. The only reason they should be calling you while you and your husband are on vacation if there is a probelm with the child oter wize you and your husband are entitled to have some time apart. If you feel that your husband is taking sides then you need to find out why he feels this way.
2007-08-16 06:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the beach and get your mind straight. Then when you return home, tell your husband that it all was a mistake made by you both in the past and should remain there. Tell him that you love him too much to let a little thing hurt you. Ask him to take charge of his child when visiting and you will handle yours. That way you won't bump heads on the subject. To let something in the past interfere with the present is just plain stupid.
2007-08-16 05:59:45 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of your problem is not feeling that you have an exclusive hold on your husband... in a way you feel threatened by the ex and her children.. However, you are asking him to be with you and yours (which are not his biologically). First, you must acknowledge that you don't own anyone.. not even your husband. Secondly, you must realize that he has DNA with his child and cannot separate this..His ex is just that an ex... instead of showing him how upset you are, realize that she is putting him through hell and don't compound the problem...Become the person that he can confide in about how tuff it is, rather than become just another place to find dissatisfaction and discontent with the situation.
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2007-08-16 06:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by eagleatlast 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all your husbands child doesn't have to listen to you you are not his mother and you weren't there before he turned 6. Second are you mad at ur hus for taking his side if so that is wrong in a way b/c that is his son. If I were you and really wanted to be a part of his sons life well try group counseling. I'm kind of going throught the same thing with my BF and our kids ( 1 mine 3 his ) none together it is a joint effort
2007-08-16 05:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have a step-son two and let me tell you it is hard the mom did all kinds of stuff to me then act all sweet in front of my husband. he feels guilty that's why he lets his son get away with more things or even everything. that does not make it right. he needs to have rules just like everyone else.ask him to at least not have her call so much when his son is at your house that it's his time to be with you guys. if the boy wants to call home set up atime when he can do it. your husband needs to talk to his son about his manners you are not his mom but he needs to respect you in your house period. that should not be tolerated. sit down with him and say look im not saying i don't like your son & ino it's hard on you but we have to do something this whole thing nedds to work for everyone. talk calmly not yelling and listen to what he has to say. then try to see his side then you ask him to do the same. work something out that you both agree upon. she diffently doesnot need to call every two hours. good luck
2007-08-16 06:10:19 · answer #7 · answered by sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him, work around the situations. His mother may not be along forever. I had a similar situation w/my in-law calling all the time and "ruining" our "us" time. Well she passed away suddently and only got to meet my daughter (her only TRUE grand daughter) twice as an infant. Now i do wish she were around to be in my childrens lives...ya know? We can't be so selfish sometimes. It's not worth it. I would try and just work it out and find a solution you can handle.
2007-08-16 05:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by luvieduvie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't pull apart - pull TOGETHER. Send the right signals and he'll respond in kind. Dwell on the good stuff, get beyond what happened. Less talking, more action in the right direction is what is needed. Good luck!
2007-08-16 05:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by love2travel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think thats a really good idea. i think you and the kids need to get away by yourselves and talk to your children also. they are smarter than you think...especially your eldest.
when you get home...stand firm and make him speak to you about this. I think also when you get back you need to give the kids to the relatives for the weekend and you and your husband NEED some alone time.
Good Luck!
2007-08-16 06:01:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋