Married Ladies Only please....Serious question here!?

Question

I admit, there are times I have lied to my husband about petty little things, and I mean little things, nothing like large purchases or my where abouts etc. I know the consequences, but I still feel compelled to lie sometimes. Why is that?? Why would a married woman feel compelled to lie even a little to her husband? Could it be that we're trying to keep ourselves from being scolded like a small child, even if it means lying? Is it something that men use as control?? Any answers would be helpful, since I have a friend going thru this and I couldn't honestly give an answer, since I didn't know either. Thanx!

Let me clarify: I am asking if any married females have any ideas as to why married women feel compelled to lie to their husbands. I have other friends who have asked the same thing, but gotten no insight into why women feel the compulsion to lie. Even if there's no reason for even a white lie, they still do it..Is it something we're born thinking or something we're taught? Is it in our natures?etc etc etc. Thats what many women want to know....

Its Not About Money, just to get that straight. In my opinion, lying about money is a HUGE issue, not a little white lie.

Answer 1

I think there is a huge difference between lying and omissions. I think women want to be an open book and want the same from their husbands, but there’s just some stuff that neither party needs to know. As long as those items are minor and the omissions do not cause harm, it’s no big thing. Especially about the past, some details have absolutely no consequence on the present, so it’s something that a woman may want to keep to herself. Details about past relationships for instance. I can’t think of anything that I have lied about. I know a lot of women lie about their shopping. I think women should have their own money whether given to them by their husband or earned on their own. Then they should be able to do whatever they want with it and there should be no reason for lying.

Answer 2

I have been married for 5 years and i would be lying to say that i have never lied to my husband. Ofcourse, I have; but do I think it is right? No, I dont. I hate to be lied too so I try my best not to lie to him so lately i have been making an effort to be completely honest and just deal what whatever the consequences may be. I truly love my husband and he has his flaws as do I; but I find myself feelling closer to him when i open up and tell him everything. As far as men using it as control; well i feel that the only way they could be in control is if we are lying to them. Then we are in "fear" of the truth being found out and it usually leads to more lies. So by telling the truth; all you have to deal with is the consequences. and it helps to try not to do anything worthy of lying to him about in the first place. You sound like a good friend. If i were you i would tell my friend to start taking small steps toward being more honest with her husband. Im sure it will be less stressful for her in the long run. =0)

Answer 3

Please don't blame this on men. It's not anyones fault but your own if you lie. It would be like me saying well I was abused so now I can hurt anyone I want. No it doesn't work that way you have to take responsibility for your own choices.

It could be that you are trying to avoid scolding but then your acting as immature as he is. If you buy something for example you should just be honest. If he has a problem it is his problem. My husband and I have an agreement not to buy things costing more than $100 without us agreeing on it first. That's how we avoid those scoldings or arguments.

I think another reason that people lie is that they like knowing they have something that only they know about. We know each other so well I guess sometimes people like to keep something a secret. It's almost freeing I guess. My husband has kept secrets from me that when I found out about I was thinking why hide that, I wouldn't have even cared. This is the only possibility I can come up with. I know everything about him, and all of our finances and who he talks to and all of his mail and email, I guess he just wants somethings that only he knows about. I'm learning to allow him his space and not try to know every single detail about him.

To answer what you just wrote in the additional details I believe that yes it is in our nature. Not just woman but all of man kind. The bible clearly talks about all of us having a sin nature. People say little children are innocent but from the time kids learn to speak they even try to lie and manipulate. We all are born with this sin nature in us and the only way I have found to keep it in line is to read my bible and actually focus on certain scriptures when I am tempted to do something wrong. It's ok if you don't agree I just wanted to be sure to answer your question.

Answer 4

I don't know because I have never lied to my husband ever. Not even a little white lie. We don't lie to each other or keep anything from each other. We are true partners. We also take our wedding vows very seriously. I would tell your friend if she feels the need to lie to her hubby about anything then she needs to try to figure out what is making her want to lie to begin with. Good luck.

Answer 5

If your husband is scolding you "like a small child", you've got bigger problems than whether or not you lie to him.

Marriage is an equal relationship. If both sides are not equal partners in all things, then trouble will eventually come in some form or another.

You need to stop lying and he needs to stop bullying. If it means going to a marriage counselor to stop that kind of nonsense, then do so.

Answer 6

If you only lie about petty little things its because you still need to have a sense of yourself that he doesn't know about. It is great when you can tell your husband everything but do you want him to know every little thing or keep some to yourself? Its a way to keep some privacy in your life with out hurting anyone.

Answer 7

It's better to tell the truth, good bad or indifferent. At some point, the scoldings will be seen as worthless (that can take some time), but he will appreciate the honesty. Lying is too much of a hassle to keep straight anyway.

Answer 8

Hard question because I do not share that compulsion. It sounds like your are projecting your failing in this area back on him though. Why is that? Dishonesty and loss of trust is a hard thing to recover from and you effectively can lose your "reputation" with the person that counts most in your life.

I think some people have to try to "hold on to themselves" as independent beings rather than completely "join" to their spouse and in doing so use little secrets as a way to do that.

Good luck with it all.

Answer 9

If you do not have a job get something. You will then have some money of your own for the little things you want to buy on your own. Some guys do like to control. Some woman get married and loose who they are. Take back who you are.

Answer 10

Everyone lies. It is human nature to not want to face the reality of whatever we are lying about, however small. Age? weight? dog ate the homework?? spotting a grey hair?? So without knowing the lie, or who said the lie and since you said only small lies, I would put it down to human nature.

If the friend is being lied to by the husband, and she feels it is a way of being controlled, then maybe she should examine her own reaction; maybe it's not the lies that are really bothering her.