Should you or your spouse cut all ties with someone either of you had an affair with?

Question

How can a marriage be worked on if the this person is still in the picture? Even if it is just good friends now...

Answer 1

of course they should, that's rule # 1 if you decide to stay together

Answer 2

To your question, yes, all ties should be cut. If they are not cut then there will always be doubts and suspisions. It is hard enough for a couple to truely work things out and forgive each other by themselves, much less with that person still around. Now, just to put in my two cents....this advice should not be taken for more than what it is. In other words, if the couple is married and then has an affair then all ties should be cut. I do not believe, however, that when a couple gets married the spouse should tell the other spouse that they have to severe all ties with ex's. Sorry just wanted to add that in

Answer 3

Absolutely they should cut off all ties, unless there is a child as a result of the affair. The question is valid, how can a marriage be worked on if the person is 'just good friends' and still being kept around? It shows that the cheater is still putting themselves and their friendship ABOVE their marriage and spouse. Sorry, doesn't cut it. Why chose someone, make vows with them, and then not follow it up with action. Action speaks louder than words.

Answer 4

Most couples really need for all contact with the other person to end for an easier recovery.

Continued contact can make it more difficult for the betrayed spouse to feel comfortable and may delay the rebuilding of trust. It would be cruel to a hurting betrayed spouse to have to deal with an ongoing relationship between the affair partners if it makes them uncomfortable.

It can also be confusing for the other person in the affair to have conflicting messages about the relationship and may leave them thinking that there is still hope for them to be with the former wayward spouse. It would be cruel to offer any false hope and keep the other person from moving forward with their life.

A line had been crossed during an affair. Becoming 'just friends' will never be really the same. It was far to intimate.

Some people may be in a position that they still have to be in contact, such as work or a relative, but that contact might need to be minimal and strickly business.

Just about every affair recovery resource, expert counselors experienced with assisting couples in recovery recommend "NO CONTACT".

Best way to withdraw yourself from inappropriate feelings for the affair partner is to end it completely.

Answer 5

Yes! The only way to have a successful marriage is too get rid of everything that will get you into the biggest hellhole ever with your man or woman. But my question to you is: Why would you go to risks of having an affair? When you get married you give your life to the your husband/wife. Not your ex-girlfriend or something. It is a very dumb questiion that you asked. And you will never be "just friends" there will always be a strong connection with the other person that just may lose control.

Answer 6

To put it bluntly the ones that should be cutting ties is the husband and wife. I mean come on people if you are in a happy loving relationship you are not going to go out and screw around. People that screw around are not in happy loving relationships so why stay in them? Oh I know we can work it out. Lets get real you had problems before the affair and you will have even more after the affair, Now you are not only in an unhappy loveless marriage you also don't have any trust.

Answer 7

Yes all ties should be cut off. They cannot be considered good friends because they crossed the boundary of that and it changes everything. If two people can get that comfortable that they can have sex together they can be just as comfortable to do it again.This person has to be removed for the sake of the marriage and for the comfort zone of the spouse affected by them cheating. There should be no reason for them to remain friends and for the spouse to accept them still being connected as friends. It is a dangerous relationship if you mean for your marriage to do well. For someone to remain in a marriage with me their so called friendship or whatever they want to call it would have to go!! If my spouse needed that friendship so much over what hurt it caused me I would have no reason to trust or go on with my marriage.

Answer 8

They should cut it off totally. If your spouse has any respect for you it would have never started. The marriage will never work if this person is still in the picture. Get out now before it goes any farther.

Answer 9

Absolutely!!!! How can you ever trust the person who had the affair if they are STILL talking to the person that they had the affair with??? If the person is not out of the picture, then there is no way that the marriage can be the priority in that person's life. It sounds very selfish for the one person not to cut the person that they had the affair with out of their life!!!

Answer 10

Yes you should cut ties and the marriage can't be fixed if the person is still in the picture. The individual cannot be classified as a friend as they participated in an act that caused a rift in the marriage.

Cut them off and if the person involved is insistent on holding on to that "friend" you have bigger issues as they are probably not committed to fixing the marriage.

Answer 11

You both should absolutely cut all ties with the person involved in the affair. How can you begin to heal your marriage when there is a person around that is a constant reminder of infidelity in your relationship?