My husband always wanted sex more than me for years. Well in the last year we went through some trouble, he almost left me (I accused him of having an affair, SAID he was not) so he was hurt and pissed. Well, through all this I realized how much sex means in a marriage need to be intimate a lot more. I rarely gave BJ's now he gets them a lot and I am the agressor now and not him. He acts like he does not care about it now and I do not why. According to him he wanted it for a long time and I did not so it made him not care and he is offended how much I have changed, he resents me in a way for it. So, I have tried to get him in the mood for the last 3 nights and he acts tired, like I use to.Last night I woke up at midnight and he was watching porn and I am sure about to masturbate. WHY if has a good looking wife in bed willing to do anything? I got mad and he yelled at me and sad I was being silly and insecure ! I do not get it, this is what he wanted and now that he has it, he does not?
2007-08-16 05:18:57 · 10 answers · asked by peaches8866 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you have a right to be mad but think about it so does he. he's been turned down for years. you have made him feel undesirable. you can't do that to someone for years and say ok hon I'm over it now let's go. He has probably gotten in the habit of taking care of his needs himself. What other choice did you give him???? It's going to take some time to repair. He is going to have to believe you actually desire him and that you want to make this work. Surely you can see that after treating him one way for years he can't just snap back and be the old him again. If it were me I would remind him that you are aware he has been neglected and you feel very bad about it. Then ask him how you can repair it. Continue to show him that you are interested and if he turns you down 30 times just accept it. Not to be rude but he had to accept it when you did it. Ideally he wouldn't be like this but people deal with pain in their own ways.
2007-08-16 05:35:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you have not right to be mad. Rejection can kill an emotion or desire after time. Your husband had been rejected for so long (years), then you accused him of cheating and almost lost him. Now you see the damage that you have caused, you are trying to change it. Problem is, you have killed the desire he obviously had for you. You need to try and rekindle his desire for you if it is not all the way snuffed out. Don't be the aggressor like you are just going to take him, that just makes you seem desperate. He needs to know that you are hungry for sex and need him. So rather than try to attack him, just bring a vibrator to bed tonight and start taking care of yourself right in front of him or while he is watching porn or trying to sleep. Don't ask for help, don't say a word. He will and when he does, just tell him that you need some satisfaction and since he no longer seems interested, you decided to take matters into your own hands. He gets the show he is interested in, but he also sees your need and the fact that he is being replaced by .30 cents of plastic and wires and batteries. You may just be able to jump start his hunger for you.
2007-08-16 05:33:49 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to be mad whatsoever. You didn't give any to him when he needed and wanted it so you are in no position to get mad now that the shoe is on the other foot. Did it ever occur to you that he still might be hurt that you accused him of having an affair? If you were married that long and didn't satisfy him sexually and now all of a sudden you are willing, it may be because he grew so accustomed to it, he had to look elsewhere (self gratification, porn, etc.) It may just be habit for him now. Not to be rude but maybe he's just not into you anymore because you haven't been into him for so long. How about counseling? It sounds like you guys need it.
2007-08-16 05:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by Empress1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he started watching porn when you refused him. Now he prefers porn and saves himself for it (which is rediculous if you're giving him BJs). I'm sure you'll get it worked out with help from a counsellor.
2007-08-16 05:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me, when a man watch porn cos he is not satisfied with the live firing with the wife..... DIY is better off...
guess your transactional type of exchange (by having BJ) irritate him a lot....
put in your feeling and tell him how you have wanted him so much that now you realise a lot more on his needs, don't simply know one of them and supply accordingly...
do also to seek help from counselling....
be yourself and let him be himself, all will be happier.
why set expectation here and there?
2007-08-16 05:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by lost man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He got tired of waiting for you all those years. Now, all of a sudden, you want it more, and he doesn't. Now you know how he feels. Maybe he doesn't see you as sexually desirable anymore, because for so long, you didn't fulfill that place in his life. You're just there.
2007-08-16 05:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch you drove him to porn and now are complaining that he will not go back to someone who frustrated him for years.
In all truth you have to make up for what you for as long as you did it before you can earn back the sexual trust you lost.
2007-08-16 08:46:21 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what he's doing is immature...he's getting you back for all the times you shot him down. My hubby has done that before...immitated me and everything. I think you need to talk to your hubby and not be mad. You need to sit him down and ask him what's up. Either talk to him or go to marriage counselling to work it out.
2007-08-16 05:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What made you realize how important it was. Maybe you need to tell him what made you change. Sorry sure you can get it to work..need more spouses like you and mine...
2007-08-16 05:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you woke up and found him watching porn...why get mad...why not enjoy the situation and acquire that extra sex you were looking for.
2007-08-16 05:26:25 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋