This situation always arises with me...help!!?

Question

I like guys. I am not "out" but I like guys. Most people think I am gay when they meet me. I don't care about that though. See, I always met new people and we end up becoming friends. And if I am comfortable around them, I tell them. Most are not shocked at all. Haha. However, as time goes on the person always feels that they have to "out" me. Like if we go shopping and I see a magazine with a hott guy on the cover I stop and look at it and my friend will say something loud like "you WOULD like that magazine wouldn't you?" I find it extremely rude that they feel that have to draw peoples attention to me and the fact that I am looking at a magazine. This is just an example but why do people always feel the need to "out" me like it frustrates them. I am happy and if someone asks me if I am gay, I will tell them YES. Just ask ya know? Why do people feel they need to be the ones to tell everyone when it is my situation to deal with?

Answer 1

I think that people assume that all gay people are repressed or ashamed with regards to their sexuality. It's difficult for a straight person (the cultural norm) to understand someone being gay (not the cultural norm) and being comfortable with it. Your friends mean well, they just need you to educate them on your feelings about the subject.

Answer 2

I don't know my sister does the same thing to me but it doesn't bother me, at first after I had just came out to her she would say things like are you going to prom? and I would think no like why and how could I? And then she said you should find some hot lesbian to go with in front of all her friends while i stood there dumbfounded. I thought about it and I realised why do I care I don't care if she makes it obvious. I just hope she doesn't do it around family members and important people like coworkers etc. that don't know. It is hard i understand. If it really bothers you you should talk to her about it. They don't know what it is like and how it makes you feel until you tell them, people can't read your mind so stand up for yourself don't be a pushover talk to her about it. And if she doesn't respect your feelings then maybe she isn't such a great friend after all.

Answer 3

I think about this like, say, if a girl and a guy go into a store and the guy looks at a hot chick on the magazine. The girl would probably say disgustedly, "you WOULD look at that magazine wouldn't you?"

I don't think your friends mean any harm by it - I think what they're doing is trying to let you know that they are comfortable with your sexuality. It may be kind of a trite, silly way, but I think that's what they're doing.

Lighten up on them, and be proud of being gay! Who cares who knows, baby! It may be yours to deal with, but it'll feel so much better when you don't "deal" with it. :)

Answer 4

Well what is happening is they are comfortable with you and they know information about you that makes them feel special. Like they have a special bond with you. So by openly talking about it they feel some sort of empowerment.

My girlfriend Sherry is the same way and once in a great while she says something that is just a tiny bit off in my opinion. Like once in a while she says something about me being 'one of the girls' and it doesn't really thrill me.

But what I realized was in all honesty she doesn't mean any harm and so I have learned to let it slide.

I guess this is really not much help but it is my take on the situation!

Answer 5

I think its not that they are outing you as much as they think they are being friendly and supporting you. Especially the guy thing. I used to have friends in high school who did that all the time. magazine covers, cd covers, stuff online, they always thought I was interested in all other guys. i finally told them to stop and that I would let them know when I found someone hot. They were just trying to be supportive though. No harm, no foul.

Answer 6

Because lots of people know the stigma surrounding being anything other than straight in this american society. I don't think people should act like that, to me if someone does act that way it just shows how insecure they are with themselves. Maybe they're not comfortable being forced to be straight and have to make someone else (you) feel uncomfortable to make them feel a fraction of a percent better.
Unfortunately this is human nature, or it is now a days. We're naturally inquisitive animals but for whatever reason lots of humans are taught to simply dislike things they dont understand.

Answer 7

i don't think they are doing anything bad on purpose. put it this way. if you were straight and looking at a magazine with a girl you thought was hot, wouldn't they make the same comment? maybe they think you're comfortable enough with yourself that they can make "normal" comments like that. if it bothers you that much, tell them and then maybe they'll be more aware of what they say in public.

Answer 8

I really like you, because you live by who you are. I jealous because i don't had that kind of confidential like you had, and I'm always wish to live and have romance moment with the one i love, but all that wishes is under hidden. I hope this make a little courageous for your esteem, because someone also follow and like the way that you live, so keep up the good life style.

Answer 9

I completely understand what you are talking about. I have the very same situation. It may be possible that they don't know what they are doing, that they don't know that you would prefer for them to not do that. In my situation, all I had to do was simply take them aside and kindly explain to them that I would prefer they did not do that. Once I explained it to them they understood and said that they were sorry they didn't know about my feelings on the situation. I personally would suggest that you do the same thing. Just take your friends aside and kindly explain the situation to them and they will probably understand.

Answer 10

I understand. I don't know why people feel the need to do this. I think it's not out of harm or malice, I really think they are excited to have a gay friend. I just don't think they realize the impact these seemly innocent remarks have.