my husbands family is mean to me but my husband wont stick up for me he allows it to happen?

Question

my husbands family treats me so bad. I am so good to them and i am a good person. and i make sure they feel welcomed when they come and visit and i make sure they have bday cards on their bday and when i go to visit once or twice a year tell are snoddy to me and say mean things behind my back and when they are mean to me my husband doesnt say a word to them he wont stick up for me, do you think if he loved me or liked me he would say something to those people instead of watching it happen

Answer 1

I think he should stick up for you if he really loves you and would want to see you happy. Since he doesn't say anything, maybe he isn't so right for you.

Answer 2

Yes, he should stick-up for you, he's your husband. Tell him to get a backbone. A major tenet of marriage is loyalty, so he should confront his family members who are doing this. Are there any reasons why you think they behave this way toward you? Have you done something in the past that they hold against you? Is it the way you dress, or act? Your job? Your race or ethnicity? Are they fat and you're thin? Identifying what the problem is (assuming there might be one) would help. Maybe your hubby could try to talk some sense into them about the issue, so they could accept you. If this doesn't work, I would continue sending the cards, etc., but don't go out of your way for them. Stick to your guns and understand that it may just be them with the issues (jealousies, envy, fatness) and hopefully they'll come around for your sake.

Answer 3

Yes he should have your back. If you are a great person and you are nice to him family and he does not see that, he has no respect for you. My ex husband use to do that. After all, he picked him family over me. I'm not saying pick a side, but he should say something because you are his wife and his family should respect. Do you have kids? The kids see that and its not good. This can really break up a marriage. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he does not listen then you know what you need to do. Your not happy and that's not good.

Answer 4

Ignore them. Continue being respectful if you feel you can, but ignore how they treat you. I know its hard to do. Some people just never grow up and act "adult-like" or "mature". Apparently your in laws are a great example. It is a shame your husband won't stick up for you. Does he have no back bone or is he just oblivious? Or does he not care? If you really feel like you can longer take it and continue to be polite to them then just stop associating with them altogether. But I would discouarge you from being nasty towards them as then you would be giving them a reason to actually not like you. See, right now they don't accept you, yet have no valid reason to be doing so. The second you give them a reason to dislike you, they "win". Some people are so unhappy and immature that when they encounter someone who seems to be grounded and content they are just nasty towards them. It is all one crazy mess. Just do what you feel most comfortable doing but if I were sweet and caring and sending cards and such I would cling to myself, not my husband, and continue to act like the nice person I knew I was. Yes, it is horrible that your husband is MIA, but maybe this is a test of your fate and how true to yourself you can be.

Answer 5

I think that you and your husband have the MAJOR things that need to be talked about, he should be sticking up for you, parents or not. Like I said before, I think you should bring up counseling for the both of you and if he doesnt even want to try with that, I would say get ready to file for divorce, you deserve so much better, and you CAN find someone better, dont let him tell you any different because guys like to do that.

Answer 6

About a year ago, I experienced something similiar. My new honey never opened his mouth when his family were playing their games. When I confronted him, he laughed and said I was doing such a wonderful job holding my own with these people he didn't think I need the help and that he was proud of me. After a while I got the point across to his family and now with a wink to me, when his family starts up he tells them to watch out or he'll turn me loose on them.

Answer 7

ok here's something I need all married woman to know. Every husband no matter how much he loves u and cares for you is afraid to say something to his family so his family won't hate his wife even more for saying something to him. Bc the family will always think that u are trying to cause a problem between the family. I don't understand why u haven't said n.e thing to them u are his wife not his gf or friend. step up to the plate and be a woman don't let no one talk to u the way they do.

Answer 8

Pack up some things when he isn't looking and go stay with a family member for a while. Leave your husband a note saying you will come back when he defends his wife. Or you could flat out refuse to go anywhere with his family and tell him why and that you will not go anywhere with them until they stop and that they will not be welcomed with open arms in your home.

Answer 9

You know, so many people forget that when they take their wedding vows, part of them indicate that they are uniting with their spouse as one flesh. Technically speaking, when his family is cruel to you, they are being cruel to him, and he should take it personally as such.

"Forsaking all others" means ALL others, including family, friends, past loves, etc.

If your husband allows this treatment then, figuratively, he is allowing his family to insult him as well. Additionally, because they are rude to you, it indicates that they have no respect for you. This also is an insult to him, since he is the one who chose you. They are insulting his choice and are doubting his ability to choose wisely for himself.

I feel for you. I used to be in your shoes, until I divorced. I'm not saying that you should divorce him, but his allowing his family to treat you in such a way indicates that he also has a lack of respect for you. When there is no respect, how can there be any love?

It is great that you still remember their birthdays and that you welcome them into your home. At least you're being the bigger person!

I really empathize with you and wish you the very best!

Answer 10

Some men just don't know how to stand-up to their families - I would just stop going to there bull**** parties altogether - Stop being such a kiss*** with cards & such - When they haven't recvd anything for a while or haven't seen you, they'll question your husband, "Hey where's that girl who used to come to these family functions so we can make her feel bad about herself?" They won't even miss you - Your husband will start to feel uncomfortable being alone & will either probably "Stick up for you" - or DO NOTHING AT ALL because, he thinks there is nothing wrong... Good Luck -

Answer 11

I don't think he doesn't love you-because I don't think this is about love. I think it is about him never fully growing up and becoming an adult. It seems like he is stuck in that phase where he doesn't question what his family does. BUT I do think that out of respect for you he should stand up for you. Perhpas you should tell him that if he doesn't start standing up for you that you will either A) not allow his family to come over nor will you partake in any family activities where they are involved or B) tell him that if he doesn't stand up for you that you are going to start playing hardball and make them feel as uncomfortable and awkward around you as you are when you are around them. Good Luck!