My husband and I have been having a lot of problems pretty much since we got married. Problems with drugs which has recently seemed to have changed and We also have very unusual problems, one of the biggest ones is the involvement of a 50 year old man (my husband is 23) in his life. This man has spent thousands of dollars on my husband and I do not want this man around anymore, he has put a wedge between us, i want to blame this man for a lot of our problems even though they are not all his fault. He claims to be a christian but has not dated anyone in over 30 years. He seems obsessed w/ my husband. i hate it! Anyways my husband i are going to try marriage counseling at a chuch next week, i am just curious about what they do and what i can expect to talk about. I am scared they will want me to accept this man in my life. I am pretty nervous about this, i would just like to get an idea of what i am about to go through. thank you!!!
2007-08-16 04:21:35 · 7 answers · asked by heather_michelle41607 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have spoke with my husband and this guy (jim) about how i feel and it did nothing. Jim does not feel like he is doing anything wrong, i just asked him to at least stay out of it until we work things out and he wouldnt. Actually they are just returning from a trip to georgia, he took my husband there to audition for americal idol, that has caused a lot of problems.
2007-08-16 04:37:29 · update #1
Hopefully they Will give you the skills you need to fix your marriage. They Will listen to both sides. You have to be honest with them about everything. It can't be a blame game. If this other man is causing a wedge between you and your husband then I doubt they will tell you to keep him in your life. Have you ever asked him why he has a big interest in your husband? Have you told him to stay away. Or just told your husband?
2007-08-16 04:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-15 21:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband will get out of marriage counseling what you put into it. You will both have to be EXTREMELY honest with the therapist and each other or it will never work.
Personally, I think you are describing a relationship between your husband and the older man. Either your husband is gay or bisexual and having an affair or he is leading this man on to get money and trips. Either is not good for the marriage and I doubt he will admit to whatever he is doing. Unless he admits to what is really going on, the therapy will not help him or you.
And, as much as I hate to say it, I would have both of you tested for STD's because of the mystery relationship between your husband and the other man and the drug use. I would also use condoms until you are sure that he is not cheating and that you are both disease free. Its better safe than sorry.
I would also seriously consider going to counseling outside of the church. If your husband is bisexual and involved with this man, he ain't gonna admit it to the church counselor!
EDIT: Please do not have any children with this man unitl you are sure the relationship is on firm ground and the other man is not involved in your husband's life anymore. If you were to have children, it would make a possible divorce much more difficult.
2007-08-16 05:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling from clergy will involve a lot of prayer and involvement with church support auxiliaries. Nothing wrong with that, although confidentiality might be an issue.
Along with that, I would seriously consider putting out the money necessary for a marriage counselor that is competent, mature, and comes well-recommended. It will be important to get at least two opinions of your situation.
Your final remark is revealing: "I am scared they will want me to accept this man in my life." If you have no children and you have already resolved that this relationship is wrong - and perhaps potentially dangerous for you - then, counseling may be for the purpose of developing an exit strategy.
Good luck. You sound like a thoughtful and intelligent woman. I think you deserve better than what you have, but maybe it will be worth working out.
2007-08-16 04:36:38 · answer #4 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
having been through marriage counseling (not in church) I can tell you that you will both be asked to say why you are their and they may ask a few questions to clarify some issues but the one thing they won't do and should never do is to judge you. They are there to listen to you and help you understand your feelings and learn how to express them in a constructive way and not confrontational way. I you feel uncomfortable with them then find someone else. Good Luck
2007-08-16 04:38:05 · answer #5 · answered by mialilyx2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Praying is great do not get me wrong, but you need to get a professional person on board here, so go see one.
2007-08-16 04:39:59 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They will pray with you read from the bible with you and tell your husband family comes first Well god does then family.
2007-08-16 04:28:52 · answer #7 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋