My husband and I have been seperated for a couple weeks now, but we are still living together. Him at one end of the house and me at the other. I have tried everything in my power to make him happy....leaving me feeling unhappy and very alone. I love him dearly not for the man he is but for the man he truely could be. I have given him so much space and love that I don't think I can do it anymore. I have asked him so many times to just leave and he will not leave, nor will he stay and try to work on our marriage. I go to sleep at night and he finds his way into our bedroom and sleeps next to me, and when I wake up in the middle of the night I look at him and hate runs through my heart and I go sleep on the couch.
I love this man very much.............but when is love just not enough anymore? What more could I possibly do, without losing who I really am? I don't want to continue putting 100% into this anymore and then find myself searching for me again.
2007-08-16 04:00:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love him, but there is so much hurt in my heart I don't want to be close to him and I do at points hate him. I filed for legal seperation within the same household. We live together....because he will not leave, but financially we are not committed to eachother. I don't feel I should leave, I had the house before we got married and he couldn't afford the morgage. We have tried counseling, but it appears to be a joke to him. I have tried counseling by myself and it is good for me, but not for us.
2007-08-16 04:22:29 · update #1
I love the man he use to be and the man he could be again......but he is not the man I fell in love with years ago.
2007-08-16 04:23:27 · update #2
My only suggestion is to get counseling for yourself. It's obvious that there has been some emotional, mental damage to the both of you. Please, I've gone through this myself, and if you keep putting it off, it'll wear you down. You'll be sucked into HIS portal of emotional distress.
I'm not trying to be mean here, it's like I said...I've been there. Until you, and he get some real help, you'll both be doing each other a great deal of harm. If you truly care about this man, and for yourself, you'll need to make the first step. It's mainly done out of love for yourself, he's second as far as your concerned. You do love him, it's YOU who has lost love for yourself, because your allowing this to happen, and this is why your "hating" this man when you wake up. Your hating yourself...this isn't good. There's your own mental abuse, it's time to get counseling quickly!
"Sometimes you have to do what's right, even when it hurts".
2007-08-16 04:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by Pixie48 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
No relationship is going to work with only one person doing all the work. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this hard time right now. You have to love someone for the person that they are right at that moment. You can not change anyone. There is a possibility that waht you have now is all he is going to be and if you are waiting for something to change, you might as well give up. I think you should go to counseling. I think every relationship joined in love is worth counseling and if things don't work out, you may have to divorce. I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out.
2007-08-16 11:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I learned the hard way that know matter how much you want someone to change, it will not happen. You can not change a man, when you are at the end of your rope and can not stand the site of the other person it is time to move on. A man will only push you around as long as you allow them to. You are right sometimes love is not enough, I loved my ex but could not stand to be in the same room as him and I decided that we where better apart than together. I am a happier better person without him in my life. It sounds to me that you are ready to go on your own way. And it will hurt for a little bit but, everyday will be a little better. Just stand strong and you will make it.
2007-08-16 11:14:22 · answer #3 · answered by */-Puss-n-Boots-/* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants space yet he comes to your bedroom and sleeps next to you so you love him 100% and wake up look at him hate him so much you move to the couch? Do I got that right? Do you think he comes to bed cause in so part of his heart he does love you but, you both have been through so much he no longer knows how to show you? have you tried counseling?
Also you love him for not who he is now but, who he can be? Do you try to change him much?
2007-08-16 11:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you two tried a marriage counselor? It sounds as if your husband really does love you, maybe he just doesn't know how to be a good husband. You must know by now that we only control our own happiness, that other's are in control of their own happiness and we can add to it with things we do and say, but we do not create the ability to be happy within them. Your husband may be suffering from depression also and may not even realize it or know what to do if he suspects it himself. Either see your family physician if you believe that depession could be a root cause of some of his problems or see a counselor to discuss your marriage. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-08-16 11:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love alone is never enough to keep a marriage together, even in the best marriages. You have to have a deep respect and admiration for each other as well.
There were a couple people in my past that I loved, but I knew I could never marry them!
The person I did end up marrying meshed with me the best - we love each other, we LIKE each other, we laugh alot together, we share the same interests, and we respect each other.
2007-08-16 11:07:52 · answer #6 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself. You love what you think he could be, not what he is. You can't change him. This marriage has gone down the tubes. It is time to leave this failed relationship. Since he won't leave but won't be a husband either, you will have to file for divorce. You deserve happiness and a new life; this one isn't it.
2007-08-16 11:15:29 · answer #7 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're not separated if you're living in opposite ends of the house....
You have 2 options, get on the same page, and make it work, or split, 2 households and be done with it. You won't emotionally be able to keep up with this lifestyle long.
2007-08-16 11:06:11 · answer #8 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make someone happy who doesn't want to be happy, I know I lived with a person ok we were married for 30 years, for me divorcing him was the smartest thing I could have done.
2007-08-16 11:10:55 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless you both are trying it wont work
you will always feel how you feel and you will slowly kill your soul.
if you try and he doesnt it time for someone to move on
you have to sit tell how you feel and express how you want to move on. it the only way you have to go out somewhere for a lunch and talk about it. express your self in a clam and peacful way no matter what stay in control of your self even if he doesnt.
2007-08-16 12:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by sunrisedrifter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋